Honest Progress Update

Haiii guysss!!! I’m back with an update: Today was my third day of 10th grade, and honestly, it was a rough one with my OCD. My “forgot/lost/left something” obsession was REALLY loud today. I ended up taking way too many photos and videos for reassurance. I took them in almost every class, almost every place I went, and eventually I caught myself taking photos of things that didn’t even make sense anymore. At one point I was basically documenting the ROAD. 😭💔🥀 I’m disappointed because I had been doing better with this recently. On my first day, I managed to leave some classes without taking proof photos at all, and yesterday I took photos but didn’t go back and check them. Today, though, OCD got louder and I fell back into the checking cycle. But I’m trying to look at this differently. ( Even though I’m disappointed ) I didn’t fail recovery. I learned something. I can see much more clearly now what the compulsion is trying to do: convince me that I need photographic proof before I’m allowed to move on. And the more proof I give it, the more things it finds for me to document. So tonight, I’m choosing not to continue the ritual. I’m not going through all those photos, zooming in, checking them, or trying to reconstruct my entire school day. I’m letting the uncertainty be there. Tomorrow doesn’t need to be perfect either. I just want to take one small step toward resisting the compulsion again. Recovery isn’t a straight line. Sometimes you make progress, sometimes OCD gets louder, and sometimes you realize halfway through that you’ve been taking pictures of the freaking road. 😭💀 But I’m still here, still going to school, still learning, and still working on recovery. One day at a time. ❤️ I also wanna mention something honestly that I kept inside me for too long, I’m extremely lonely. Like I talk to some classmates at school but when the day ends we get to our own homes and our own lives… I wish I could make friends on this app but I don’t think I’m allowed to. If you feel the same, just so you know that… you’re not alone anymore! <3

Students with OCD

Amy B.

Date posted: 18h

Setbacks are part of the process, and you are doing fabulously!! Well done hanging in there! I'm sorry you are lonely. Maybe once you get into the rythm of the school year you can join a school club? Or join a club or do some volunteer work that is outside of school? Might help you form stronger bonds with someone. Best of luck going forward! You got this!

Rumination_S...

Date posted: 15h

I hope you give yourself WAY more credit for today than you’re currently giving yourself. ❤️ You caught yourself in the compulsion, recognized what was happening, and made the decision not to spend tonight going back through all of those pictures. The fact that you took them in the first place doesn’t erase that. I’m doing ERP too, and one of the hardest things I’m learning is that progress doesn’t mean I suddenly stop doing compulsions. Sometimes progress is realizing halfway through, “oh shit, I’m doing it again” and choosing what I do next. You did exactly that today. Also, I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so lonely. That part of your post really got me. Being around people all day at school and still going home feeling like you don’t really have your people is such a specific kind of lonely. And dealing with OCD on top of that can make it feel even more isolating because so much of what you’re fighting is happening inside your own head. I know you said you don’t think you’re allowed to make friends through the app, so I don’t want to encourage you to break any rules, but I hope you keep posting and talking to people here. You deserve to have spaces where you can say “I took pictures of the freaking road today 😭” and have people actually understand why, without judging you. And for what it’s worth, I really liked what you said: “I didn’t fail recovery. I learned something.” I’m going to remember that one myself. ❤️

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