Hello! I don’t mean to ask for reassurance so I’m sorry if it sounds like it. I’ve been fixating a lot about having “crushes” on other people while in a very happy relationship. For example, if I see a certain hairstyle, or clothing style, or body physique, personality trait (ie they’re the “popular person” or they’re super sweet) etc that I find appealing on someone else other than my partner, I tend to get that “swoony” or “crushy” type feeling. The kind of feeling that is like “sighhhh ??”. It may be a celebrity or someone I actually know. It’s really upsetting me because I keep worrying that it is “mental cheating”. My partner says it is normal and I did compulse and google, which says it is normal... but I’m so worried that what I’m experiencing is different than what those people are deeming “normal”. It’s driving me crazy because now that’s ALL I notice in other people! I’ve never been the type to look really at anyone else other than my partner so it’s really heart breaking to me. Any advice or similar situations would be super helpful because I feel like I’m going crazy! Thank you!

Relationship OCD

tiger1111

Date posted: 5y

You are human. You have a sex drive and are a biological animal in some ways. It’s a beautiful thing actually. You’re not blind and humans are wired for connection. There is nothing immoral or unnatural about it. Everyone has it. The more it’s bothering the stronger it’s probably getting. Try to see attraction is a beautiful and interesting part of being human and remember you’re not alone. And you’re not responsible for having feelings especially if you don’t even act on them.

tiger1111

Date posted: 5y

I’ll add that I’ve had crushes over the years and so has my husband and we’re head over heels in love with eachother. I used to feel guilty until we both saw the beauty in sexuality and he encouraged me to flirt sometimes to keep up a more sex positive attitude.

FrostQueen

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so much this is amazing! I’m honestly really just freaking out because I feel like it means I want to be with the person I “crush” on or whatever more than my partner. I can’t stop thinking about it to the point where I feel like it really IS true and it’s so painful!

tiger1111

Date posted: 5y

@Frost Because it’s “forbidden” it’s probably making it magnify. Plus, the unknown is intriguing. Again, I hope you realize attraction and crushes are really beautiful and it’s not a reflection on your morality if you’re having intrusive thoughts. Try to enjoy feeling attractive and being a human being and don’t beat yourself up. These feelings mean you’re alive and sexually healthy. It’s only our Puritan society that tells us we can shut our feelings off. No one can do that. Anyone who says they can isn’t being honest with themselves. ❤️

FrostQueen

Date posted: 5y

@tiger1111 Thank you so much :) ❤️ I think I’m starting to feel better now :) I’m still kind of fixating because I find that sometimes I almost get “jealous” when I see someone I’m “crushing on” dating someone, even though I know I don’t want to be with them at all. It’s confusing because why be jealous if I don’t want them? I mostly do it with celebrities though than anything!

tiger1111

Date posted: 5y

@Frost Glad to hear it!

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