HELP I’M RUNNING IN CIRCLES

So… I have a very strong and rather unhealthy attachment to someone I know… and it scares me how much I like them… so I try to avoid them… but then I’m thinking all day, every day about how I’ll break the ice when I choose to reach out again… and it’s terrible because I feel like they’re trying and I need the constant reassurance of them initiating conversations because it shows me they care and WANT to talk to me… but now I’m afraid my avoidance will push them away and it’s such backwards thinking but… I’m not avoiding them because I don’t like them or want to talk to them… it’s quite the opposite… I want to talk to you so badly because I like you so much that I have to restrain myself… and now it’s been rather silent on their end and I’m not sure what to make of it because I don’t know how they feel so now I’m scared I’m losing them but I don’t know what to do… do I text back? do I wait for them to reach out again to confirm that they still want to speak to me? what if they never do because my silence has pushed them away? I miss them so much but I don’t know what to do.

Relationship OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 2d

I'm in a similar situation as you. My unhealthy obsession started months ago and I'm still trying to figure it out. It's gotten better by being open and honest about my mental health struggles. He understands and is supportive. He knows that if I isolate, it's not because I don't like him. Even though I constantly get reassurance that he's still my friend, there's always the thought of, "what if he's lying to make you feel better?" And then I start to spiral. I'm not saying that this problem gets fixed immediately, but it does get better when/if you have a supportive friend that understands your struggles.

DeeDoo

Date posted: 2d

@Anonymous That’s true, I just don’t know how to address it without scaring him. I don’t want to lose him but it’s genuinely so frustrating. It’s nearly been a year but I got attached so fast and it’s so so unhealthy, like I’m aware that I am incredibly obsessive but can’t help it and the only work around is to isolate but it makes me feel so terrible.

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@DeeDoo I get that. The way I did it was not trying to fake it when I'm having a hard day. When he asks you how you're doing, be honest. You don't have to explain everything right away. You can keep it vague and then the closer you get with him, the more you can tell him. With my situation, I'm trying to balance isolation and obsession. I'm not sure where to draw the line between a healthy friendship, obsessive, and withdrawn. It's just hard to maintain friendships when there's so much nuance with mental health and relationships. It's so exhausting, especially with OCD.

DeeDoo

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous So true!! Except, he’s not exactly the type to ask straight up. We have a very strange relationship. I think I’m just overly obsessive and he’s nice but he’s definitely withdrawn. I just expect too much, and it’s not that he gives too little, I’m just needing and wanting more and that’s never fair to him. I really don’t know how to communicate it without sounding clinically insane. Only time will tell, I do value his friendship and don’t want to do anything to hurt that. I’m just spiraling a bit but this really helps, thank you!

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