little yap

The last few days have been hell on earth for me, about a week or two ago I started experiencing horrible back pain that was spreading to my legs, it made me panic, like A LOT. I went to the doctor and they found no actual issues, but they asked questions that ended up triggering me more and increased my constant body-checking to make sure I wasn’t experiencing them. I had no idea what was causing my pain until a few days later, I’ve experienced secondary amenorrhea for the last 7 months, up until a few days ago, the leg pain definitely matches with what I used to experience during my time of the month before those 7 months, but this time I hadn’t been expecting it, so the sudden symptoms took me by surprise. So I got my explanation for the pain, but for some reason I still can’t manage to shake the awful feeling that something horrible is going to happen to me. I feel like during this whole experience I’ve just wound up finding more “symptoms” of potential issues around my body, even if they’re something that I’ve had since before all this obsessing started, but just never noticed until this spree of constant checking. I feel like I’ve dug myself into a hole, and even now that I know my reasoning for doing so isn’t true, I’m still stuck inside of it. I’m starting medication later on this week, and I’m really hoping that it manages to ease all of this, as it’s affecting my life and my attendance at college.

starlight.se...

Date posted: Yesterday

Haiii!!! I’m really sorry you’ve been going through all of this. ❤️ The way you described getting stuck in that cycle of noticing something, checking it, finding something else to worry about, and then checking that too is something I can really understand from my own OCD experience. One thing I’ve learned is that even when you logically understand that checking isn’t actually helping anymore, your brain can still scream that you need to keep looking “just in case.” And the more attention you give every little sensation, the more things you seem to notice. It can feel like you’ve dug yourself into a hole, exactly like you described. Please don’t beat yourself up for being stuck in it. Getting caught in a compulsion doesn’t erase the progress you’ve made. Sometimes recovery is literally noticing, “I’m doing the checking cycle again,” and then practicing not feeding it the next time. I really hope starting your medication and continuing to get proper support gives you some relief. And please be gentle with yourself while you’re going through this. You deserve patience, especially when OCD is making everything feel ten times louder. You’re definitely not alone in this. If you ever need someone who understands the weird, exhausting side of OCD, I’m here. You can always talk to me or reach out here, and I’ll be rooting for you through the difficult days too. ❤️ You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. Stay safe & take care! Love yah - Stella.

illy_yan

Date posted: 17h

@starlight.seeker.stella awwhh thank you sosooo much!! and yea you totally get it. It starts to feel like an endless cycle that can be too much to deal with sometimes. Luckily I’ve started on my medication now, and hopefully it’ll start to kick in within the next few weeks! You’ve given me some really great advice, thank you so much. I hope you can stay safe too! and I hope that things can get easier for all of us!! ^^ 💗

starlight.se...

Date posted: 14h

@illy_yan Do you wanna be friends? <3

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