Am I not accepting it or is this ocd

I’ll force myself to be into like force the sexual feeling or tension with this sexual thoughts or images vividly. therapy today, I talked about the sexual thoughts I’ve been having. My therapist asked me, “Are you curious, or are you not?” I immediately started wondering what I was supposed to feel and felt like I needed to figure out the correct answer. I wasn’t deliberately forcing the thought in that moment, but I started paying attention to my reaction. Then a familiar sexual-type feeling came up, similar to the feeling I’ve gotten during previous times when I had deliberately forced/replayed thoughts and feelings. My brain immediately went, “Oh, you’re into it,” and it felt surprisingly real, which shocked me. I then felt off and almost like I wanted to pull away from it. I got stuck wondering whether I was actually curious or whether I was mainly monitoring my feelings and interpreting the sensation as curiosity. I’m having trouble separating the original feeling from the meaning my brain immediately attached to it. Also something similar happened with my boyfriend When I was with my boyfriend, a girl-related thought/image came into my mind. At first I noticed it and moved on without focusing on it. Later, I started paying attention to it and recreating the scenario in my head, and it became much more vivid and felt real. I then wondered if I was intentionally recreating the thought because I wasn’t getting the feeling I wanted with my boyfriend. I also noticed myself trying to recreate an intimate scenario I had previously seen in adult content, almost like I was trying to produce a certain reassuring feeling or reaction. That made me question whether I was genuinely experiencing something or whether I was deliberately creating and checking for a feeling.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Eclipse_xx

Date posted: 23h

Forcing yourself to think of images is an extremely common compulsion, and trying to figure out how you feel about them is also another compulsion. Attraction can feel so real because OCD doesn't just include intrusive thoughts, it can include intrusive feelings, intrusive feelings of attraction, it can feel very scary and it is not your job to figure it out right now even if it feels urgent. If it feels urgent, it's OCD. Groinal responses are also a super common pitfall for people to spiral about. When you are testing and checking so much, it confuses your body's ability to know what it is truly aroused by and not. Groinal responses are not a reliable way to know what you're attracted to. I hope you're feeling lighter soon, best of wishes ❤️

username0192...

Date posted: Yesterday

I think anytime you’re trying to force thoughts or feelings you’re getting into compulsion territory. All the mental reviewing and testing and meta analysis of how you’re reacting to your thoughts/feelings are compulsions too. The scary answer you don’t want to hear: maybe you are genuinely experiencing these feelings, maybe you aren’t. All of these different ways you are interacting with these feelings will just make things more convoluted and give you more anxiety. The underlying—and ultimately immensely freeing—truth is you don’t need to figure it out. You don’t have to explain why you are having these thoughts and feelings and if they are real or not. You can let them exist and they don’t have to define you. I am still trying to learn about ocd but I have found the best way to find clarity is to disengage with compulsions. Which is obviously the exact opposite thing your brain wants to do so it’s hard and counterintuitive but I believe in you.

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