skipping class bc im so anxious

i feel so guilty over this but i’m terrified right now. one of my professors is always ALWAYS making people shuffle around and pair up. there’s never a class where I can just keep to myself we get group projects due every other week and basically just teach ourselves the material with group presentations my professor never presents anything just us. i wish i could drop this class but if i do im not full time thus cant get aid and anyways its too late. what happened is she made people move to each other. this guy comes to me im already scared bc his hygiene doesn’t look good he comes to school with a birds nest on his head every day, like its sticking straight up in all directions instead of being brushed and laying flat. he sits down and when he does so his backside is turned to me. you can guess what level my face is at with his body. his pants were pulled down so all i could see is underwear and he probably does not clean himself well just judging off his outer appearance like people who wipe also brush. but idk if his buttcrack was showing too bc i dont have my glasses and i wanted to turn away. anyways i literally feel the air that comes from the force of him sitting down on my face. i am so disgusted. all my materials, bag, my FACE is contaminated my phone and im gonna have to get in the car and open doors and touch things with this contamination i hate it. i’m too scared to go to my next class. i dont want to take anything else out of my bag. i genuinely feel nauseous and want to shower asap but that wouldnt even make me feel less contaminated. i seriously hate people who cant take care of themselves im sorry its not just about you its about others who have to deal with it. whenever i do something gross i always beat myself up because what if someone with ocd sees or touches something of mine. im not saying to do that but why cant people be considerate of others. i’m horrified. i hate this so much. my mom is telling me im dramatic but my friends say ew too. literally how am i supposed to go on with my day im not gonna cry but tears have welled up in my eyes because this is horrific

Contamination OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 14h

Relatable, but treatable ❤️ Talk to your NOCD therapist about creating exposures that will help you get used to tolerating the uncomfortability of potential contamination. It will still be uncomfortable and may take a while, but if you put in the hard work and keep doing your ERP, it'll be so, so, so much easier to navigate situations like that. But you have to be willing to do the hard things that give you these horrific, terrifying feelings in order to get there.

ihateithere

Date posted: 14h

@Anonymous i have had a really rough week and this just feels like too much. i have so much on my plate i want to go home. when it comes to other peoples bodies an exposure feels out if reach. i can handle an exposure if its my own contamination not if it’s someone else contaminating me

Anonymous

Date posted: 14h

@ihateithere That's absolutely understandable. In situations like that (where you don't have a lot of energy and you're comfortable with doing the exposures you're used to), I would do a really small, low energy exposure that ISN'T your own contamination, but IS potentially someone else's. So for example, watch a video of someone dirty or of someone not washing their hands after going to the bathroom. Write a script about the worst case scenario if you sat next to someone gross. Anything small that's within your capability at the present moment, that also moves you toward your goal of tolerating sitting in class. It's okay to struggle, and some days will be harder than others. Progress is progress, so as long as you're still building toward being able to handle it, it's okay to not be able to sit in class today. But please, do a small exposure to replace it, because OCD loves inconsistent practice.

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