Hi, I want to share. Can anyone relate? I think I struggle with pure o, scrupulosity, and HOCD, and I wanna talk about HOCD. That’s the one that’s realllly bothering me lately. Not going into my whole history and experience, but: I’m a guy and I’ve longed for male friendship in my life and brotherhood for a long time. Over the past year and such I’ve gotten very close with a guy, I really do consider him a brother. Just one reason why he reminds me of a literal brother is how physically affectionate he is — big hugger, and we play around and wrestle a lot. We definitely have a bromance haha. But at some point a groinal response was triggered in me — intrusive thoughts have been present about various situations in my life, so I didn’t pay a lot of attention to them, but the groinal response was really concerning. I started checking my body and checking my motives and trying to understand my desires. It’s been really hard, but I can believe that I’m NOT looking for anything romantic or sexual with this friend, it really is just friendship — but now groinal responses when this friend and I touch seem natural...they happen quickly and are full on ? I’m fighting to remember that I’m NOT attracted to him, this is an anxiety thing, and that our bodies respond to “relevant” stimuli whether... we want to or not. A fear that I have is that my groinal response will become noticeable and the dynamic of our brotherly relationship, which I really cherish, will have to change...throw some scrupulousity in there too.... not asking anyone to tell me that my fears won’t come true (reassurance) even though I really wish I could know that, :p

Hey, thank you for your response and support :). I’m curious about what you mean by “deeper” feelings and what the articles were about. I’m totally on board with the idea of love that can be developed between friends. By this I mean brotherly/sisterly love. I know that I love this guy and many of my other friends deeply, like they are my family members, I feel very strongly about them. That doesn’t put me off, I think that kind of non-romantic love is natural and important and should be celebrated. Does the kind of complicated friend love you’ve read about weave sexual feelings into the platonic love?

@immanguel Well, imagine that (after reading various things too) I was even coming to the conclusion that after the friendship and its bond has been REALLY strong, a kind of sexual attraction could begin to start. But remember... that doesn't exactly mean that you prefer guys over girls, it's really way more complicated. I will try to give some examples from my personal experiences : There was a period that me and my friend were all the time hanging out together, he was coming to my home and we talked for HOURS, we played and we did literally anything a couple would do, apart from sex of course (which, yes it's normal for a BFF relationship or any other close friendship). It was between that exact time that I had a shocking dream (but sweet too) : we were just lying on the floor, none of us talking, just the two of us, but he was somehow holding me (I can't remember the EXACT position), like supporting my body on his, but nothing sexual on it. I will never forget that dream because it was so vivid, complicated but sweet at the same time. I was trying afterwards to interpret it and yes, I knew that there was something deeper, some TRUE love in there, some trust! It felt exactly like falling in love, but again no stimuli or anything. However the thing that he was holding me, meant probably that I could connect with him in a "bodily" way too. That was it for me and I was sure. *Fun fact: I'm about to burst into tears because this dream still moves me... *. Ok, so getting back to your questions, when you truly care about someone and you can feel pure love probably everything is possible. My experience with this friend was for me more than enriching because I started finally question all this things on what is true love and when we understand that... Of course we want these people to stay in our lives and be with them. I remember like yesterday that I always thought of how lucky I was to have a friend like this in my life and to feel such true love. Now I'm sure you will question why we stopped talking as I mentioned before, right? It may sound silly, funny or ordinary (which is) but he stopped investing in our friendship the moment he met his girlfriend. And I'm sure to this day that If I had fallen in love with a girl at that time I would never abandon him for her. It's not that he didn't love me, he did and maybe at onr time more than I did, but as time passed that changed in him. The end of that friendship reallh costed me emotionally. And wanna tell you something triggering in this whole story? The end of that friendship was like a break up, yes a romantic break up. When I was narrating the story to another friend and when I was actually describing my feelings that I lost him, he paused me and said " John the way you talk to me about that, is like you are in a romantic break up" and then I lost the earth under my feet. I started thinking whether people actually can fall in love with people of the same gender (whilr being straight) and I think it might happen. And it has happened! Lots of stories out there and online.... How can I forget my google searches which were something like "might have fallen in love with mh bff"... This is all, I hope you didn't get bored. Your story touches me because I can relate to a great point. If you want to discuss it more or ask me anything further you can ask me for my personal communication details (social media) or dunno what... God I wish that app had a private chat.!

@Johntheocdguy Thank you for sharing with me! I’m sorry you and your friend aren’t close anymore.