is this okay ? feel not good

Hi everyone, I wanted to ask for your opinions on something that happened during an argument with my partner. We were trying to talk about the things that bother us about each other and the things we’re unhappy with in our relationship. At first, I listened to what he had to say, but he was also angry, and I got the impression that he didn’t really want to have this conversation. At some point, he said, “Yeah, let’s sit down and talk, because your list is probably going to be much longer anyway.” He didn’t mean this in a nice or joking way. It was more like he was annoyed because he was expecting to have to listen to a whole bunch of complaints from me again. Personally, I found that comment really inappropriate and unfair, even during an argument. It honestly made me not want to talk to him about the things that have been making me unhappy in our relationship anymore. To me, a comment like that doesn’t exactly make you feel like the other person is willing or interested in listening to your feelings and concerns. On top of that, I was crying during the conversation, and he asked me why I was crying, saying that I should be able to handle criticism and that he doesn’t cry when someone criticizes him either. He later explained that he meant it as a genuine question rather than an accusation, but I still found that comment completely inappropriate and hurtful. How would you feel if your partner said something like that? Am I overreacting? I know these things were said in the heat of an argument, and when I brought up the comment about my list again later, he did apologize. But I still feel like comments like these are really not okay, especially when you’re supposed to be having an honest conversation about your relationship. I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives. Do you think I’m overreacting, or would you feel the same way?

Relationship OCD

Kels0

Date posted: 18h

I think the way you feel makes sense. In an OCD context, it can become confusing because you are hurting and afraid and trying to find certainty in everything to feel more secure. I’ve found that emotion regulation skills, and working to clearly communicate what I need in a way that honors myself and my husband is helpful. It’s still hard and uncomfortable, but the more you work toward sitting in uncertainty and advocating for your and your partner’s needs, the less your body will go into fight or flight when conflict arises. Ask yourself what your values are and regardless of what your feelings tell you, focus on facts and actions that you can control that aim toward your personal values and beliefs. Hope that helps :)

Catmom4

Date posted: 16h

It makes sense that you’re hurt. It sounds like your partner is too. I’m also still working on how to have constructive discussions when in disagreement with my partner. It takes time to learn each others’ communication styles and boy do they come out during conflict. There are so many underlying memories and traumas that shape how we communicate during conflict. I’ve had to get curious about why I respond the way I do, and why he responds the way he does, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. Ultimately I think about how we are on the same team and should approach conflicts in such a way

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