It’s like my newest obsession is my brain saying “we get you want to be with a guy but you can’t cause your gay” and I wouldn’t be with a girl but then I’m scared I’m just repressing it and ya this sucks. Is this even ocd anymore do any of you experience this??

Same. But we have to hold on. I feel like what's the point of living anymore. But I get scared I might commit suicide like I really don't want to

@lemondew Yeah im trying, but it feels so real. Like i have rocd too so it makes it feel more real.

@elleeen I also have rocd. Also ptsd relating to boys so this all is awful. I hate this so much.

@elleeen I have ROCD though I've never been in a relationship. I feel like I'm attracted to every girl and it makes want to cry. Like it pains my chest so badly

@lemondew Sorry to hear, me too. you are not alone

@elleeen I feel alone and bad. Like today I was reading some comments and they mentioned how some of them were straight and then became bi

@lemondew Like I dont understand. Did they realize after puberty? Before puberty? Latent homosexuality? I can't comprehend them and it makes me feel soo sick

Gosh... I feel so scared to accept the uncertainty and then realize I really am bi/gay. Why does God hate me?

@lemondew My hocd tells me “girls are so much more attractive than guys. How could a guy ever be gay? Guys have it easier. Blah blah blah.” I hate all these thoughts. Do you guys have anything like this? And I do find some guys insanely attractive and am like “O.o”, but now it doesn’t seem like that. How I used to be a lovesick girl for boys now it feels like hocd is making me feel like a lovesick guy for girls and I hate these feelings. I want them all gone. I never cared how a girl looked before this and now I do and I hate it. Do you guys experience this?

@annehatesocd Or something along those lines??

@annehatesocd jup. All the time. I have always admired girls, but never in a sexually way. No my mind tells me girls are so more attractive then boys, why be straight.

@annehatesocd Omg!!!yes!! I see boys and it kind of makes my heart relieved but normally I feel so weirded out that i could be attracted to girls. Like the thought makes me so sick. Like I know I caused at least half of my problem but is my happiness with boys something too much to ask for? Why can't God cure me?

@elleeen Tbh I can't deal with my brain saying that. Like no!!! Boys are way better but my brain has tricked itself so bad I feel like I have to get attracted to a female

@elleeen Okay phew these thoughts have really been bothering me. I’m soo scared to be gay. If I were to go on a date with a girl I’d start shaking and throw up. The thought gives me so much anxiety and fear of her trying to kiss me or something, then I get groinal responses and I’m like “wtf?” it scares me so much. Ugh i just wanna be genuinely happy with a guy and not think “do i actually like him? Am i not happy? Am i not happy cause im gay?” Its so annoying

@lemondew And lemon dew, I know how you feel about God. I’m a strong christain (completely supportive of gay people, my best friend is bi, I’m just scared to be lol) and I’ve prayed to God. I definitely find some piece when I’m clinging to him. But I realized we have choices on Earth. We can chose to check and test, so I pray for strength to resist compulsions. Not necessarily for him healing me, because I can have him guide me to healing but I need to make the choices to heal. And it’s hard, but with his guiding hand it isn’t hAlf as hard. I’ll be praying for you:)

@annehatesocd Yeah same girl. Im terrified to meet my boyfriend tomorrow.

@lemondew Ocd distorts reality that’s all I know. It’s one confusing son of a bitch.

@lemondew Ye same!!

@annehatesocd im sorry:( I have so much anxiety and depressed, so of course i dont feel anything. And when we talk my mind goes crazy, i cant control it. «im i attracted enough?» «do i like him enough?» and many other thoughts

@elleeen Ya I feel that was me at first but I was so confident in my attractions towards him. It was when we first started breaking up (back in August 2019, fun fact it was a week after I through him a surprise party w/ his family ?), then he blamed everything on me back in like mid September and ya. I broke down. Couldn’t talk to him for two months (were in the same friend group at school & go to same church). Cried myself to sleep about every night. Couldn’t look him in the eye. Then finally back in November I started getting better to the point of being able to talk to him than he told me I broke his heart and he’s rlly hurt. Then ya I still have a hard time being around him but I miss him and did do some wrong (I was jealous he always got close to my best friends lol) and ya. I’m praying that he’ll come back even as a friend and I’m trying. We’re talking once school gets back in session in person and not over text for once. Pray I don’t cry lol it’s gonna be so hard on me cause I have to be serious and not joke about the whole thing lol

@annehatesocd Oh, i hope it goes well. Break ups are hard ... Im afraid im gonna feel nothing, probably gonna happen too. I hope u get to talk to him and it works out :)

@elleeen Srry if I’m annoying you with it I obsess a lot about it. And I hope it doesn’t happen to you, but I thought the same thing and it shattered me. So I wouldn’t stress to much about that part (I know much easier said than done). And I hope so too....he’s rlly complicated and confusing, but I miss him more than I’ve missed anyone and I’ve lost like 10 people these past few months (some passed away and some friends left) and he’s the one I miss the most. Cause before we broke up I lost a friend and went through a terrible family time. It sucked. So I’ve been trying to stay strong and my coping mechanism was obsessing so that’s why I joined this forum.

@annehatesocd I am kind of religious but not the extreme. But at this point I feel like I need him so bad. I was never homophobic and supported others but now I feel like actual shit stain on this earth.

@elleeen I have these stupid mantras like "I'm not attracted to girls" and then at the end I always end up saying "but what if I am"and that makes me feel like I really am gay. I hate it. I feel like crying but the tears won't come out

@lemondew I know how you feel. I’ve never been homophobic either, raised in a really great accepting family of Christains. But My relationship with God has really waned these past four months.

@annehatesocd It weirdly pains my chest and heart. To think I'd be with a girl. Makes me want to vomit and cry

@lemondew It makes me sad. Then I’m scared I’m just repressing it :( do you feel like you’re just repressing it ever?

@annehatesocd Yes!! I feel I'm repressing my feeling for girls when I naturally want to be with boys. Q

@lemondew Do you ever get intrusive thoughts about your friends? Like I just got one about going to this romantic place and my ocd was like “what if you wanna go with blank?” Then I thought about being like romantic with her and grabbing her from behind and my heart starts racing and my face gets red and I get anxiety. I just want a guy to do that to me not me to a girl ugh. Do you ever experience anything like this? Like your face heating up as well?

@annehatesocd Yep. I sometimes feel I'm bi and I imagine myself with a girl and my heart starts racing as if I like it but I really dont. I also sometimes imagine myself with a guy and it immediately morphs into a girl and I keep smiling, the moment I realize I feel like crying because it pains and hurts. Do you experience anything like this?

@lemondew Yup. This whole thing sucks I feel like I’m gonna have to be single for life cause I refuse to date a girl. I just can’t. I have nothing against it I just can’t bring myself to try. Do you feel like that sometimes?

@annehatesocd Yes a lot. I don't want to do anything with them. Feels like I'm being forced to do this