Spiraling. (Moral OCD, Real Event. 18+)

I have also been exposed to a lot of gross NSFW content since I was in my early teens. It’s a systemic failure to protect kids rather than a personal failing. You had no real way of protecting yourself from this kind of stuff. One thing I’ve learned from this app is that no OCD scenario is really unique, so I wouldn’t worry about being monstrous.

I'm in a similar boat. When I was a kid I got added in a group chat full of bad people who exposed me to taboo material and since then I've been addicted. Spent like a decade consuming that until I finally started putting an effort to stop, but sometimes I think I'm just too far gone. I definitely think you're ahead of the curve by quitting and not wanting these things IRL, that means it's ego-dynostic and you wouldn't ever act on it, even if given the chance. I think that's ultimately what matters, you don't condone nor agree with what you consumed, you (and the rest of us) were a victim of a horrible industry that is specialized to get you addicted and now are taking steps to recover and live a better life. In the eyes of many, that's not unforgivable. Also It's fine to feel gross when looking at your past, that means you've grown from it. Just don't project that onto yourself to the points that it harms your self-worth. You are not deceiving anyone by keeping your past history of addiction to youself, and you should probably avoid compulsively confessing this to others since it might be just seeking reassurance (but I would definitely open up to a therapist about it).