I’m losing my mind.

I can’t sleep. I’m spiraling. I’m doing my best to not seek reassurance through friends, family or the internet anymore, and leave the discussions to therapy only, but I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. It’s been over two and a half months since a major spiral/reassurance loop, but I still have my daily mental and physical compulsions that pulse through my body like a stress induced poison. My mind is telling me that I know something everyone doesn’t, even though I’ve shared my worries with people hundreds of times and everyone tells me I’m safe and I genuinely have nothing to fear. The problem is my OCD mind doesn’t rest, but I know checking with an AI chat bot that gives inconsistent answers is dangerous, as I’ve already lost so much time to them. I have been on 100mg of Fluvoxamine every evening around 7-8pm since July 10th and I can’t sleep. My med manager prescribed me 25mg of Trazodone, but it’s not helping. Last night I got drunk to suppress the OCD loops. I want to give in and check and find reassurance online, but I know I’ll feel so much worse than I do now. I’ve been unemployed since May. I’m lonely, overweight and so scared; I’m literally crippled by fear. I just want my life back. I requested to reschedule my therapy session to an earlier day this week. I need to fight for my life again. I feel so awful.

Young adults with OCD

hanysm@gmail...

Date posted: 3d

My friend, the struggle is that you’re trying to control your mind while it is controlling you. You don't have another brain to control your brain. That can become an endless loop: your mind treats the effort to control your thoughts as another problem to solve, giving you even more to think about. Instead of fighting every thought, try letting it come and acknowledging it without getting pulled into it: “Thank you, brain, but worrying about this right now won’t help. I have another problem for you and I really need you help ...” Then gently bring your attention back to the present, to studying, working, enjoying a hobby, or simply noticing what’s around you. The goal isn’t to stop thinking or force your mind into silence. It’s to let thoughts pass without following every one of them. At first, that may feel difficult. But each time you notice yourself getting caught up and return to the here and now, you’re practicing a different response. Not easy, my friend, but doable.

AverageRebel

Date posted: 11h

@hanysm@gmail.com Thank you for the kind words. I have so much happening, yet so little right now, so my emotions are split between stress & anxiety, which leads to rumination and spirals, and then boredom, which also leads to ruminations as spirals. As soon as there’s a minute of downtime, I ruminate and that’s an issue. I really like the words about thanking my brain and going back to what’s around me or a hobby. I needed this insight.

bootswiththefur

Date posted: 3d

I'm sorry you're having so much trouble. Not sleeping when you want to sucks. Do you go outside any?

AverageRebel

Date posted: 11h

@bootswiththefur I do go on walks occasionally. Weather can be inconsistent though and I don’t like getting up too early, which is a problem.

AverageRebel

Date posted: 11h

@bootswiththefur Thank you for the kind support too. I need to be patient.

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