I’m stuck and confused

I’ve been struggling with relationship OCD, my Sexual Orientation ocd went away and I’m starting to feel my self more but and lately it’s been difficult to understand and cope with my feelings. I care deeply about my boyfriend. We’ve been together for about three years, and I love the bond we’ve built, the way we can be silly and weird together, his cute smile and adorable laugh, and the comfort I’ve felt being around him. I miss him when we can’t talk or spend time together, and I want us to keep growing together. I’ve pictured a future with him, and I want more closeness, affection, cuddling, kissing, and meaningful conversations. At the same time, my OCD makes me question my feelings. Sometimes I feel close and affectionate toward him, and other times he feels unfamiliar or my emotions seem distant. When that happens, I start trying to figure out what it means. I replay situations in my head, examine my reactions, and try to make myself feel something specific. The more I check, the more confused and overwhelmed I can become .I also have real relationship needs that me and him had talked about . Lately, I’ve been having thoughts about breaking up with him. Sometimes the thought comes with a heavy, sad feeling, and other times it feels strangely convincing, almost as if I’ve already decided to end the relationship. I can imagine breaking up and feel sadness about it, but then the feeling changes or fades, and I start questioning what that means.Sometimes I see my boyfriend and feel close to him, affectionate, or tender toward him. Other times, he feels unfamiliar, or I feel disconnected from my emotions. I might remember how much I miss him, want to be close to him, or imagine our future together, but then I start checking whether those feelings are still there.I’ve noticed that I sometimes replay scenarios in my head, imagine breaking up, or repeat thoughts like “fine, I’ll just break up” to see how I react. I pay attention to whether the thought feels real, whether I feel sad and I’ll start panicking , or the sad truth i whether my emotions seem genuine. Sometimes the scenarios feel so vivid that I become convinced they must mean something. Then I get scared and try to figure everything out. I also struggle with the feeling that I need to defend my relationship or prove that I love my boyfriend. If I don’t feel a strong reaction or can’t access my usual emotions, I start wondering whether that means something has changed. Even when I get temporary relief from understanding something, I can end up analyzing that relief, too.