I’m doing better on reading forums and reddit. But I’m really scared I’ll realize I’m bisexual or lesbian. I know there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just it’s all going against what I believe in. It’s all telling me different. I hate this. I don’t want to date a girl or do anything sexual with a girl. Yet it’s telling me I don’t know for sure and I hate it. Anyone else just feel hopeless in what they thought their sexuality is?! I just feel bi and in denial at this point. I don’t want any of this. Am I alone?

I was on forums for reassurance. Trying to compare myself to people who realized they were attracted to the same sex. And I was nothing like them. They actually crushed on them and I never did.

@advice? Same here I’ve done that. Their first crush was on the same gender as well as their first kiss and both mine were with opposite genders as a child. I vividly remember telling a boy “our wedding is on Monday” and all that lol.

@advice? Yeah that’s why I went on to compare myself looking at when they found out how they knew etc turns out they never experience opposite sex attraction

@JS0406 Aw so cute about the wedding thing, I remember sending love letters and just being so shy. And yeah but there’s so many different things they go through and in scsrwd I’ll go through the same one day.

At this point I’m really doubting this is ocd. I don’t feel anxious anymore but at the beginning I did. Right now it just feels real like I have no choice to accept it.

@advice? I get that. I tried but I could never date another girl. Idk why I just couldn’t.

@advice? Like I could never bring myself. There is nothing wrong with it I just personally cannot.

@annehatesocd Yeah same I just don’t want to date a girl. But these experiences I read on Reddit is just mind fucking. I just legit don’t understand how this happened to me. Never fantasized about a girl, never was attracted to any girl, never wanted to be with one or anything. It was only boys.

@advice? Same here at least from what I can remember. Hocd loves to tell me I just did it cause of society, and false memories or something. Like as a little girl wanting to be Hannah Montana or Taylor swift, I actually liked them when I don’t even remember ever liking them. Things like that. Did you experience that??

@annehatesocd Like I could name quite a few boys I had a crush on when I was a little girl. And having a “boyfriend” and thinking a few boys were really cute.

@advice? I never thought of kissing another girl or ever marrying one. It was always a guy.

@annehatesocd Sort of I don’t remember listening to female artists other than Beyoncé and I love Beyoncé! But obviously not in that way, in the way where we want to be like them. But there’s like movies I watched with females and yes it’s making me think I was attracted to them or something when I wasn’t.

@annehatesocd Yeah I always only liked guys and had tons of crushes on them. Even in middle school it’s always been boys. Why else would I cry during heartbreaks??

@advice? Ya same. That’s what I meant. Like friends who I wanted to dress like it be like I’m now wondering if I liked them. Like one girl had glasses and I wanted glasses like hers. One of my friends outfits were so cute and I wanted to dress like her. I even teased her about the boy she liked I never liked her. It’s like any childhood memory I have with another girl I HAVE to see if I liked the other girl and I was like “I don’t!”

@annehatesocd Yeah I hate when it does that. I just seriously never felt anything towards a girl other than “she’s so sweet, she’s cool” that’s all. There’s this thing that all girls who had a crush on the same sex say they all experienced. Which was thinking they only really really wanted to be another girls friend when really is was a crush. I never experienced that ever.

@advice? Same I legit just broke when my ex bf broke up with me a few months ago. I never felt how I felt for him for anyone else, and when hocd tells me I’m jealous I think back to then and remember how jealous I did feel. And this hit in middle school for me (started at 13, on and off for 4 years) and I remember having crushes before this hit on boys. One in sixth grade at cheer, a rude boy in seventh grade, another red head in sixth grade, one in third grade, another in like first grade when I kissed a boy, another in kinder who I chased and told him I’d marry him. Lol I have all these memories it just doesn’t add up. And I was obsessed with the Ken Barbie doll hahaha

@advice? And same to them “really really wanting to be a girls friend.” I used to have an obsession with being popular (still lk do) and I wanted to be friends with the popular girls to be popular. lol does that sound like really wanting to friends with a girl cause I liked her??

@advice? You can be honest about what I asked above

@advice? Srry I’m freaking out now hahahaha

@annehatesocd But you’re motive was because you wanted to be popular not because of anything else.

@advice? So it doesn’t sound like it? And ya that was honestly strictly my motive, to get in with the “popular” crowd cause I was lk always the weird lonely kid with like 2 friends.

@annehatesocd Srry for asking for reassurance it’s hard not too

@annehatesocd No I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything. But can I ask if sometimes you worry that you’re repressing your sexuality?

@advice? Yes I think that’s very common in hocd. I’ve worried many times about that.

Why?

Can I ask what your theme is?