Relationship OCD strikes for the first time

Hi everyone! I wanted to share something I’ve been struggling with lately and see if anyone has experienced something similar. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year, and recently he opened up about feeling overwhelmed, emotionally withdrawn, and struggling with unresolved trauma from a previous relationship. He’s expressed that certain relationship milestones and conversations about the future have brought up fears for him, and he’s been pulling away emotionally as a result. He’s told me he loves me and cares about me, but he’s also expressed uncertainty about why he’s feeling this way and has asked for time to process everything. We haven't broken up, and we still communicate daily, but the emotional distance and lack of clarity have been incredibly difficult for me. I have OCD and struggle with anxious attachment, so this situation has been triggering a lot of rumination, catastrophizing, and reassurance-seeking behaviors. I find myself constantly analyzing his words, tone, and actions, looking for signs that he's going to leave me. Even when he tells me he loves me, my brain immediately finds something else to worry about. I'm trying to respect his need for space without allowing my OCD to convince me that the relationship is ending. One of the hardest parts has been accepting that I can't control the outcome or get immediate certainty about where things stand. I genuinely love him and want to work through this together, but I'm finding it difficult to separate my legitimate emotional needs from my OCD's need for reassurance and certainty. Has anyone navigated relationship uncertainty while managing OCD, especially when a partner is emotionally withdrawn? How do you practice sitting with uncertainty without constantly seeking reassurance or mentally preparing yourself for the worst?

"Pure" OCD

Treatmyselfk...

Date posted: 13h

Hi, I experienced this early on in my relationship with OCD. It’s hard because the silence would make me overthink until I could barely eat. I think what helped me was engaging in activities that didn’t make me think about the issue as often. Drawing, writing, talk to family members and friends. It’s hard especially if you are someone who puts their all in a relationship. But, when I was going down this road, I reminded myself of the other outcome, which is…if they cannot meet my own needs back and they are withdrawn or unhappy then is it worth it? I told myself I’d be honest with the person and hope that they’d do the same and would want to work it out. Otherwise, I would move on.

molls3

Date posted: 12h

@Treatmyselfkindly So anxious I go without eating too. It feels like I’m grieving a relationship before it’s even over. I think what’s triggering my ocd even worse is the uncertainty and the inability to provide clarity. Of course, I just want an answer that he doesn’t have.

Treatmyselfk...

Date posted: 12h

@molls3 Yep, you are not alone there. I suck at coping with anything that is uncertain or unclear. Basically, anything outside my control. I mourned my relationship ending a few times and we’ve been together now over seven years without issue. It’s hard but try to focus on yourself and well-being. I noticed that if I forced myself the first few times, it got easier to lose some of the anxiety.

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