He took back “You’re the love of my life”

My M33 boyfriend just called me F29 the love of his life at 4 months, and consistently tells me I’m his “life.” When I told him that I think he should only say such a thing if he is certain and say that to someone he was planning on marrying or getting engaged to soon - he said essentially “oh, I didn’t realize that’s what that meant to you, I’m sorry for saying it.” Then I brought up the concept of marriage for the first time in our relationship, and said clearly that I wouldn’t be ready to get married right now but that it’s a concept that I’m considering with him in a real way he said “Yeah, I wouldn’t want to marry you tomorrow.” He went on to say that he feels very optimistic about our relationship and that “I want to want to marry you.” We also discussed what kind of timelines, if any, we each felt were appropriate for such a big decision. We both said 1+ year for engagement. And we also discussed the idea that we weren’t completely certain we wanted to marry each other at this stage. He has said both that “I want to love you forever” and said that he couldn’t promise me we would be together forever. “No one can predict the future.” “I can’t tell you what is going to happen between us in the future.” It does not compute for me how both can be true. He is AuDHD and I don’t think he realizes the significance of what he was saying. I have ROCD, and so every time he says something big like this, it’s very difficult for me not to spiral about if he means anything he says, if we are compatible when the things he says now all feel hollow. My OCD spiral “How do I know now that he truly means anything he has said?” It feels like he’s engaging in a fantasy relationship, and I’m left to pick up the pieces AND contain my ROCD at the same time. I feel really hurt - it took so much courage for me to have this conversation with him and stave off ROCD (still in the process of doing!). To hear that he didn’t mean these big things that he said - it’s hard not to take all this as a sign that things are going wrong. For him to say all this and essentially take it back feels like he’s then specifically saying I’m NOT the love of his life, he does NOT want to marry me. With ROCD as well, it’s hard now not to compare myself with his ex, who he was about to propose to before she broke up with him. He was prepared to “marry her tomorrow” - My OCD “so what’s wrong with me where this isn’t true?!?” Separate spiral: I kind of feel like now (with perfectionism) I’m going to try to jump through all the right hoops, and try to be the perfect person to reach whatever criteria he has — so that I can prove I am “good enough.” Regardless of whether or not I really want to marry him, it feels like proof of my worth or lack thereof (now) whether or not he wants to marry me. And our whole relationship would just be better off in the first place if he’d never said any of it and just let our relationship be at the 4 months stage. I don’t know how to get back into that mindset now, of just getting to know each other and be in love in the early stages. I am quick to demonize my own behavior in the relationship as ROCD - but I feel like with all of this he is setting me up for failure again and again and making ROCD even harder. I’ve expressed this to him, but the urge to circle back and overexplain is so strong. He has agreed to not say these things anymore. My OCD: “What if he never means it? What if he never says it again? What does that mean about me?” (YEP seeking meaning) This is now the third person to call me the love of their life, and not really mean it. My OCD: “What is wrong with me where people don’t mean it?” Any non-engagement responses or tips for breaking out of these spirals?