Please please help.

Hi Sofyyya! I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling distressed by some of the thoughts you’ve been having lately… while I don’t have the same kind of intrusive thoughts as you do I do still have them… everyday unfortunately. Yet, just because I have them every day doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a bad thing. Unfortunately we are probably stuck with OCD for the rest of our lives, that’s just what my therapist has told me in the past. I have accepted that, only because I’ve realized that OCD is like a spectrum, there is the debilitating end of the spectrum and then there is the almost normal end of the spectrum. I am currently towards the latter at the moment. Anyway, in terms of intrusive thoughts here is the real kicker that my therapist told me, they are not physically tangible things that we can interact with and they are not real. They only become “real” if we act upon them, so it’s true that you can think a distressing or terrible thought and not have it reflect upon you as a person in any way. Just so long as you don’t act upon it. OCD will do its absolute best to convince you that it is powerful and has the authority to condemn you, but in actuality it does not, the only person who can do that is you. So, just remember that just because you have distressing intrusive thoughts doesn’t mean they reflect on you as a person and also that we have been in your shoes, in one form or another, and that you are not alone in all this 🙂

I know it's hard, but stop testing. That's a compulsion, and it's only going to make the thoughts stay around more. The theory is that because the thoughts cause you to test, and the testing brings some relief, your brain brings on the thoughts so that it can get some relief. For me, my brain knows that shame will lead me to confessing, which brings me temporary relief, so it showers me with shame regardless of the "validity" of that shame. Any progress you can make on stopping yourself from testing/checking the thoughts will be a win.

It’s called arousal non-concordance. It’s actually common with sexual OCD themes. It could also be the groinal response, which is when blood rushes towards your groin (creating 'arousal') because of the distress/anxiety, not because you liked the content. If I start talking to you about lice for twenty minutes, your head may start feeling itchy even though there’s nothing there. If I tell you to look around the room and tell me everything that’s red, you may pick out things that were burgundy just because it’s close to something that was red and you were looking for it. With OCD, your brain is constantly looking for the thing you fear. It will constantly misinterpret things because you’re so hyper-focused on it. Your OCD theme is going to feel real because it’s OCD. People think that you’d be able to easily tell things apart without doubt or your mind confusing you. If you were able to do that, you wouldn’t have OCD. Just trust that your brain is going to try and treat you as guilty until proven innocent, drop the debate, let the panic run through you as you carry on with things you actually want to do. It’ll lessen eventually :)