I feel like I’m just gay. Omg how can I change so much I feel sad thinking about girls that way but I can’t think about guys without almost feelings MORE anxiety than girls. I don’t like the thoughts I want them gone. I want my attraction back towards boys. I wanna be able to crush on them without having tons of anxiety. I hate this:(

Oh goodness I’ve felt that before. Like when a guy I didn’t like tried to initiate something more than fun flirting I got uncomfortable. But I’ve liked a guy and I wanted to go further with him and he did break my heart. I also love flirting with guys and talking to them it’s fun to me lol. I was also sexually assaulted by a guy so maybe that’s why? Idk I’m really scared I’m just denying it. If you don’t mind me asking, did you have signs since childhood that you were a lesbian?

@annehatesocd there could definitely be some subconscious anxiety as a result of that, and maybe it has to do with the fact that if you don’t 100% trust someone then that kind of situation will make you uncomfortable? when i was a kid i NEVER liked boys and i always assumed i would eventually. looking back, it’s pretty obvious that i was gay bc of that. it’s a bit of a specific feeling when a person realizes they’re queer, and this absolutely sounds like you just are having intrusive thoughts. especially if you don’t want them, you’re obviously just dealing with OCD

@ahhhhHHHH Alrighty, cause as a kid I REMEMBER liking boys. Kissing them. Telling them they are cute. Telling one I’ll get married to him, etc. and I’m like “how can I suddenly feel this way??” Like I remember feeling giddy when a guy asked for my number and touched my hand when I was 11, but I got anxiety slightly after (cause it was 2 years after being sexually assaulted) and I though touch was shameful and a part of me still does. And also at that age my mom asked me if I liked boys (when I had a crush on a boy at my cheer) and I was like “no that’s gross” and then she asked if I liked girls (I knew what being gay was since I was like 7, I cheered with many gay guys and girls, just never thought of it cause I just don’t think I swung that way) and I answered my mom with “no that’s even grosser” so this whole ocd thing is very confusing.

@annehatesocd it definitely sounds like it’s just the ocd bothering you!! and when i was a kid i knew i didn’t like boys. like i could never imagine myself getting married (at first i thought it was bc i wanted to be single). when i learned about what being gay was, i knew IMMEDIATELY that that was me.

Thanks for sharing. I have always liked boys, but ocd makes me question that too. Feel bad for having hocd, makes me feel homophobic, and i am not at all.

@elleeen That’s not homophobic at all. the reason you feel that way is because questioning your identity is not comfortable, especially when you have intrusive thoughts that are making you doubt yourself

@ahhhhHHHH Yeah thanks. I know its ocd, but its so exhausting

@elleeen I have hocd too. I feel sometimes this goes hand in hand unfortunantly. When sexual trauma happens it robs us of a sense of internal security. I was actually assaulted by 3 boys and 1 girl. Talk abouta mind f**k. I completly recovered from this for years. Its possible!! But i lost a pregnancy last year and it set me off again. So i relapsed.