hey guys, haven’t been on here in a while because i had been doing really well with my hocd. but my attraction has still been gone. the physical attraction part has came back but then i would see guys i thought were cute and i realized i wouldn’t date them. i don’t know any of them so i guess that makes sense but it freaked me out and i kept obsessing over it. so i started analyzing it in my head and i was like omg what if i’m asexual. before hocd all i wanted was a boyfriend. and now i haven’t had feelings for anyone and i used to always catch feelings for my guy friends. and now, ik this sounds bad but now i like flirting with them or when they flirt with me but i wouldn’t date any of them bc i don’t have real feelings. this freaked me out and made me wonder if i’m asexual and i can’t stop obsessing about it now. i’m young and have never had a bf bc i’m overweight so i’m not the girl any of the guys want. and i think time having had never had a bf so i don’t know what it’s like, but i can’t picture myself in a relationship anytime soon. anyways, just wanted to come on here and vent and wonder if any of you have gone through the same thing. i know this was long but if you read it this far, thank you so much.

yea. see i used to want a boyfriend soo bad ans i don’t anymore ever since hocd. well it’s not that i don’t want a boyfriend it’s just that as of rn i have no interest in being in a relationship. i’m young and everything i’ve always wanted in a relationship is something i can’t have at this age. 1. because i’m not allowed to date and 2. because boys my age are immature and even if i did somehow get a bf i wouldn’t be able to do all the cute couple things i’ve always wanted to. i still see cute boys treating their gfs so well and i get sort of jealous. i see myself in the future when i’m older and have more confidence, meeting a nice boy and dating him and doing cute stuff with him but the part that has freaked me out is that as of right now i don’t want to date anyone and i don’t have the desire to want a bf. i’m not sure if you’re familiar with hocd so idk if this makes sense to you but it feels good to vent. i already feel a bit better

@kaysf I have dealt with HOCD (still kind of dealing with it) OCD wants to convince you there’s a bigger issue. I have wanted a bf for as long as I can remember but then my confidence started to go down hill and my ocd attacked my appearance, I got a nose job, which I think was just a compulsion in hindsight. I still had anxiety about boys and relationships because deep down I had no confidence in myself, no surgery or diet is going to fix that. Then my OCD attacked my sexuality “well maybe you are so nervous because you are asexual or gay and you don’t really want a boyfriend” Now I realize, no I DO want a boyfriend, but I need to love and have confidence in myself first because that is where the anxiety is coming from. You have to figure out what the root of your anxiety is and then you will better understand why your ocd is attacking it. (My anxiety is being intimate with someone and being vulnerable therefore my OCD attacked my appearance (slight body dysmorphia) and my sexuality (HOCD) I totally get where you are coming from, I hope this helps!

@poprocks1 yea. i’ve never been super confident i just didn’t think my confidence was that bad. but now that i think about it, it is. and i did realize that my problem with being scared of what people would say if i dated the boy i liked was because i was so insecure. it’s that thing that says you have to love yourself before anyone else. i think this is just a part of losing attraction but it’s been scaring me because the physical attraction is back but i still don’t have the burning desire to have a bf where as i did before even tho my confidence was low then too. all been pretty scary for me recently because i was doing so good then i was thinking and all this came up

@poprocks1 and by the way, thank you for taking the time to comment. it means a lot that you took the time to read all that and respomd because most people just skip by

@kaysf No problem! Again, it sounds like anything you have anxiety about is a confidence thing. YOU know what you want, anxiety tries to prevent us from doing things that would bring us joy. I’ve just often felt safer friendzoning guys because of my anxiety, I know what I really want, but it is difficult to allow yourself to be vulnerable with that fear

@poprocks1 i’ve just realized i think i’m like this because it’s like i’ve become completely emotionally numb when it comes to relationships. that’s why i’m still physically attracted to guys but i don’t get the feelings and the emotions