- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I been there too man, it's really hard not to look back and long for a time when you were happy and didn't have to deal with OCD..that care-free state of mind feels so foreign now. I still can't remember what I used to think about other than my OCD/Intrusive thoughts. It's one of my main ruminations and really gets me down. But you gotta understand that you didn't cause it and more than likely, none of us will ever figure out what caused our specific OCD..and if we did "figure it out", our OCD would just question it. Lol. My advice is to get in therapy ASAP. It took me several months of suffering and going insane before I got over my ego and agreed to go see someone. It's been a year since my diagnosis and I can't tell you how much of a better place I'm in. It's still a day to day struggle; but I no longer call off work or leave early, I'm socially active again, in a loving relationship with someone who understands my OCD..it's a process to get better. And I think therapy is the right first step.
- Date posted
- 5y
I know I’m so scared to go back and I don’t even have money for a proper ocd specialist I have less anxiety now and I feel like Going to therapy will change me I went to free Therapists and they didn’t help because they don’t specialize with Ocd
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, man nobody ever plans for this. No cursing yourself bro. Trust me I have the same problem, but you have to hold yourself up. You got this far man. No stopping now. I've been down and depressed. It 3 am rn and I haven't ate anything in 12 hours. I get it trust me. But I ain't stopping now. Nobody can know if they will get hit with this stuff. It's not your fault. I'm literally in the same place you are. But you have to have hope for the future. You have a whole future to try and do better and make a good life for yourself. It's a process head up bro you got this
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah I know but bro now I’m just stuck I’m trying really hard but it’s all going south I could have a boner with girls and no boner when I’m thinking about gay stuff but damn it hurts that I can’t get my life back on track
- Date posted
- 5y
It's always how you see it man. If you choose to say your stuck and you can't do it everytime it gets rough, then youll have a harder time. You can't give up, you've made it this far. Remember why you started. We all are in some pain. But we can do it. Your not alone man. Everyone here goes through the same thing and there are some that can tell you everything will be alright cuz they were in the same place you were. It's up to you to be one of them man. We all want to see you get better. No doubt you have this man
- Date posted
- 5y
@Reptarrox Yeah bro and sometimes I’m actually happy and sometimes I’m down I just want my life back I should be happy that I’m here but I’m not I should be happy that I’m less anxious but it makes me feel like shit me being less anxious makes me feel like shit
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mod22 Same here man. Feels awful. But we both will be okay. I thought the same that I would feel better not being anxious but some and I would say it feels worst. But that's not the goal. Tf e goal is to be able to put it aside as normal thinkers do. Never losing morals but being able to just say. Ha OK brain. Sure whatever you say. And move on. That to me is a goal. You will be happy, I just takes time. Good on you bro
- Date posted
- 5y
Im kinda ignorant to this topic Im new to the group i never mean any offense and am hear to learn.With thatbsaid can i ask..is its with a view one attration is bad and one is good?..or is it the confusion thats the distressing part....?❤
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
- Date posted
- 24w
If I ever experience myself happy in life, my relationship, or friendships, OCD just finds a way to ruin it for me. As soon as life’s going good, it pops up into my head with all these intrusive thoughts that make it impossible to just relax and enjoy myself. My relationship has been improving, along with my mental health, and I have been feeling so in love and present with my partner. Everytime that happens OCD pops back up, with all these thoughts in my head like “What if I don’t really love my partner” “What if I’m not actually attracted to him” then it spirals to “What if I’m gay” “What if I don’t even like men” and it keeps going and going. Now, I can’t even hang around women friends without OCD popping up and saying “What if I’m attracted to them” “You have a crush on them”. I have always identified as straight, and I have always been boy obsessed growing up. I don’t want to be gay and lose everything I have with my boyfriend. That’s a huge fear that OCD is putting into my head. That I’m gay and I don’t actually love my partner and am attracted to him. I’m so upset. I just want to be happy in my relationship and at peace. And I want to be able to make female friends without OCD ruining it for me. :/ It’s like if I’m really stressed, my OCD gets really bad. And if I’m happy my OCD gets really bad. Unfortunately NOCD doesn’t accept my insurance, but I am meeting with a therapist I found on Rula who treats OCD, so I’m hoping that helps. I am also considering meds, because I can’t keep living like this. It’s been 25 years.
- Date posted
- 18w
First I want to start off with, as a kid, my brother touched me inappropriately, I watched him do the same with my cousin, than later on I did the same to my cousin. I feel great shame for it and I have yet to forgive myself. Now, since than 10 years later, I have always loved women, fantasized about women, constantly prayed to have one and do things to be with one 1 day. I struggled with porn a lot as a kid because I was shown it at such a young age. I remember first watching lesbian porn, than moving to guy and girl, than countdowns, etc. I was so hooked that it took an identity crisis to end this porn addiction. (I have only been sober for 3 weeks.) Now I only mention this because I think my porn addiction somewhat ruined me, same way as what I did in the past did. A year ago, I started to talk to a childhood crush I had, and things felt so great. We started to get along but I knew all I wanted to do was have sex and move on as wrong as that is. I ended up falling in love with her and asked her to be my girl. 9 months in, we were having constant arguments and she had this problem where she couldn’t give me a break. We were with each other 24/7 and it felt like dealing with a sister at some point. I remember talking to my friends and asking them what would they do and they always advised me to leave but I was not willing to because I knew I loved her and the way I was feeling was temporary and couples argue. Couple weeks in, I started to have these thoughts that we weren’t going to work out and that I no longer found her attractive. I kinda ignored them because it simply wasn’t true, I still found her attractive and would get hard ons for her yet, I still had this mindset that, “Oh, there’s other hotter girls” and, “Your ex looked so much better.” and I couldn’t stop these thoughts. One day I randomly woke up and remembered what I did as a kid, my whole world felt like it flipped. The thoughts were now, “what if you don’t like her because you’re secretly gay?”. I first laughed at the thought because of how ridiculous it sounded, but than it just kept going. Two weeks from a cycle of unwanted thoughts (1st stage of my ocd), I finally got over the thought with simple toughness and determination, I did lots of research on what was going on with me and went with the, “thoughts are just thoughts” method. I was doing well until we watch a netflix documentary “American Murder: Gabby Petito” and all of a sudden my mind began to think, “What if I’m secretly a psychopath and want to kill my gf?”. For about a week straight, It’s all I was able to think about. It scared me so much and I didn’t know what to do. I started to get urges to KILL my gf. I didn’t know what to do so I left the room and crawled up in a ball, crying to god asking for help.These thoughts went away but were quickly replaced by, “You want to kill your gf because you’re just gay”. This sent me into such great panic, I couldn’t eat for days and couldn’t feel anything but anxiety. Days went by and I finally went to a doctor, at first I started to feel better as If I was getting help and things were going to be okay. The thoughts went away again as I began to start doing more things and get out of my room (head). I felt like I was back again, I was able to love my gf, I started to go to church, I felt that god was real and than boom. Here I am again and this time things have gotten really bad. I can’t stop “checking”. As soon as I wake up I check if my gf is “good” enough for me. I check my past and see if I have ever done anything that show signs of being gay. I check out other girls and guys to see whether or not I like one or the other. Even when I accepted the possibility that maybe I am just gay, my mind will fight me and tell me that I’m more than just gay. Truth is, I don’t know anymore. I’ve always loved girls and my gf. I don’t know if this is OCD anymore but I wish for my old life again. I’ve always been so proud of my sexuality and loved everything about it. I never been homophobic but gay stuff does make me uncomfortable. Each day feels like I lost another part of me. I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I lost all my belief in god, my morals and value feel so weak, and my life is no longer a fun enjoyable thing to look forward to. I need help.
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