Ahhhhhhhhhhh I’m looking at pictures of my sorta gf and my pupils aren’t dialating but I was smiling and happy I dunno what this means help

Rocd and pure O

@Ski89 I have ROCD, HOCD and hegiene OCD. Well, when did you get ROCD?

@lemondew Uhhh, couple weeks ago I think is when it started? It just wont stop

@Ski89 Yep same. It's kind of weird because this started before I got into a relationship but now it's just 5x more intense but at least it isn't as bothersome as my HOCD

@lemondew Same here, I just miss her a lot, and my brain keeps over analyzing and comapring her to other people when I only want to think of her, and I keep having intrusive thoughts that “What if that was the last time she texted me..?”

@Ski89 Omg!! Same!! I'm so afraid my bf (sorta) texting me for the last time almost every freaking day.

@lemondew S a m e, I’ve been spamming her since she got off yesterday, I’d thought she’d be back on yesterday when I got out of school but she never did

@Ski89 Are you in long distance relationship? Or do you know each other irl? I'm sorry for literally asking the dumbest question.

@Ski89 Well, I haven't rextem him yet but I want to badly but my ROCD just worried I'll disturb him or force him into talking to me

@lemondew No no it’s fine, it’s long distance

@lemondew Also that’s a mood

@Ski89 Oh I have an online one :)

@lemondew Texted**

@Ski89 Haha, yep. And then I have HOCD, another bitch that like coming around whenever I see anybody and its way worse than my ROCD

@lemondew I understand I used to have HOCD, and I just dunno what the truth is anymore I’ve spiraled so much only cause I haven’t seen her for a day

@Ski89 You had HOCD too? like fear of being straight? Sorry if it's offending :(

@lemondew No no it’s not, and yeah I did, cause I knew I was a lesbian but I still had thoughts of men that made me uncomfortable

@Ski89 Oh haha it's the other way around for me. I get uncomfortable thinking about girls

@lemondew Yeah that’s valid, I understand though it’s tough to deal with

@Ski89 It is when it isn't something you ever thought about but now it's something you ponder over but at least I'm a bit ok because of ERP and being in a relationship but the thoughts are still there

@lemondew That’s true I’m glad you’re healing from it

@Ski89 Oh thank you. But I have other disorders too hah

@lemondew That ain’t good, I dunno if I have anything else, just pure O

@Ski89 To list them out I have ROCD, HOCD, hygiene OCD, general anxiety but not that much and finally eating disorder. That's about it

@lemondew Oh yes, some other ones which are physical like immune problems, vitamin deficiency and hydrosis

@lemondew I have general anxiety to, that’s what it was written off as before the intrusive thoughts started, along with suicidal ones

@Ski89 Yeah same excluding suicidal thoughts

I was afraid that meant I don’t love her and I want to feel good and happy, but it’s been masked by anxiety for the past few days cause I haven’t been able to talk to her like at all

@Ski89 When you have OCD, your brain is set up to fail tests. If you look at pictures to test to see if you feel good/happy/in love, your brain will make you feel nothing, or worse. The thing is, that doesn’t mean you don’t love her. It means you have OCD. You have to resist the urge to test yourself (it’s a compulsion), and instead live by your values: you probably want to be a good partner and treat her well and do fun things together, right? So do that. And if the emotions that come up seem off, that’s okay. Do it anyways. Over time, resisting compulsions and living by your values regardless of what weird intrusive thoughts/feelings/sensations OCD throws at you will make the power of those intrusions dissipate. And you start to be able to tell the difference between OCD and you.

@pureolife Okay yeah I’ll do that, it’s just the other problem I have with this is it’ll turn her into someone else and I’ll have a panic attack and feel like I’m cheating and I’m not happy and this is exactly what was happening with my hocd whenever I imagined a women it’d turn into a man to make me freak out

@gonnagetbetter That’s what everyone says, but thank you, I just read somewhere that your pupils have to dilate to be in love

@gonnagetbetter Okay good, it’s just hers get really really big so I check mine and get worried

@gonnagetbetter It’s on facetime so I just move the camera closer to my eye

@gonnagetbetter Ah okay, it’s just when I don’t feel love for her I start being paranoid I’m in love with someone else, that’s been my current obsession and it’s been really difficult

@gonnagetbetter No not really, I don’t want to leave her, it’s just been hard these past few weeks cause I got an intrusive thought about liking my other friends and that happens a lot and it keeps messing with me, cause some stuff ny friend does reminds me of my gf and then it reminds me while I’m talking to her and I feel awful and guilty

@gonnagetbetter I’ll try to, it honestly makes no sense cause it’s clinging to like the past, I never see or text this other girl except like once in the school day, and I never thought about her till I had this thought, it was triggered cause she hugged me from behind and it startled me And if I don’t talk to my gf for a day I start to have panic attacks (ive had about 3 today) and I smile and grin whenever we call and we text 24/7 and I give her all my attention and it’s just so weird that my ocds being like this