bluberries

Date posted: 5y

i don’t mean any harm, just trying to understand.. i know someone who is hocd but i think he might actually be gay. I don’t know how to help him bc i want to support him and his diagnosis but i also want him to just be free and not afraid to be with whomever he wants to be with. I personally believe that sexual orientation isn’t black or white. I don’t believe that anyone is gay or straight. I believe that we can have preferences but i also believe that sexual orientation was built off of generations of what society and religion says due to procreation. And bc of that i feel like hocd exists. Again, i mean no harm.. just trying to understand and help my friend.

Sexual Orientation OCD

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

People have sexually intrusive thoughts about animals. Doesn't mean they truly want to have sex with them. Intrusive means unwanted and uncomfortable. We were disturbed by the thought initially and now they are stuck on a hamster wheel replaying in our brains. A lot of times it seems hocd is not the fear of what anyone thinks but the fear of actually engageing sexually with the same sex. It doesnt feel like who they really are. Also gay people have it to. They can fear they are secretly straight.

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

I only question if he’s gay bc he said he’s had sex with a man to try it and enjoyed himself li way too muchX and he is still repulsed by it

Esosa

Date posted: 5y

Based on what I read from you, I feel like he falls on the sexually confused end more than the HOCD end. Coming to terms with your sexuality can include some obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, so it’s possible that he might be gay/bi/pan/whatever. However, despite what he tells you, it isn’t your call to assume his sexuality for him. He’s the one who makes that final decision at the end of the day. And you also asked how people with Sexual Orientation OCD are confident with saying that they’re exclusively attracted to the opposite sex/same sex (if you’re gay). The thing is, we’re not. We’re constantly at war over whether we lied somewhere or “faked it” (somewhere along the lines). Whether one has experienced actual attractions with the same/opposite sex or not with it, OCD is OCD, and compulsive behaviors need to be treated regardless. To help your friend, remind him that no matter his identity, you’ll always love him and be there for him. And tell him that with accepting uncertainty, he can learn to be comfortable in who he is, whether he turns out to be straight or not. I hope this helped

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Hi I have HOCD and right now it’s just kinda in the background is that normal

Esosa

Date posted: 5y

@hiiiii Yeah it’s pretty normal. Mine was in the background for a few years until it came front and center 9ish months ago.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

How do you feel as though he is gay

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

Because he is attracted to men and does not want to be. Can you not be gay and hocd ?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@bluberries Hi so I have HOCD I’m still trying to get the story so has he said he is attracted to men

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

@hiiiii to me yes, but he is ashamed of it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@bluberries Okay so he has admitted he likes guys sexually okay is it more of a social shame

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

@bluberries He says he wants a family with a woman and be normal but he can’t not think of men. Just because something is an unwanted thought does it mean it’s not true? That maybe he’s just afraid to indulge?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@bluberries Does he have ocd

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

@hiiiii I mean to my knowledge. he says that these thoughts are hocd and he regularly sees a therapist. i just don’t wanna seem like a bad friend bc i just want him to be happy.

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

@bluberries Like he’s disgusted with himself for it so i see there is a problem but just bc you are repulsed by your attraction does that make you hocd?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@bluberries Oh okay understand I have HOCD to in my case I don’t want to like women and it can be difficult due to past desions and memories that have happened HOCD can even give you false attraction which can make it even more challenging however you are not being a bad friend if it is HOCD unfortunately it will take time

Asnku

Date posted: 5y

@bluberries I would say its hocd. I mean hocd is not just exist because society I mean I have hocd and It’s just not that?

Asnku

Date posted: 5y

And if he does not want it and it’s uncomfortable to him or he does not like that it’s probably ocd I mean gay people want that but they only think society or something like that

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Hey I have HOCD and I’m getting uncomfortable now it’s like I don’t care anymore and I’m scared this means I’m lesbian

Idk

Date posted: 5y

So your friend is actually attracted to men? He has said before that he’s had crushes on them and wanted to be with them? But he doesn’t like it right?

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

yes.... One night he just poured his heart out to me bc i accidentally saw gay porn in his phone and he saw. He forgot to close it out.

Idk

Date posted: 5y

@bluberries Okay, it’s possible he can be confusing hocd with just internalized homophobia. I know this will be a trigger for hocd sufferers. But this man has been attracted to the same sex and no hocd sufferer has been attracted to the same sex. Just wanted to make that clear Incase they read this. Another reason in explanation to the porn is maybe he was doing a compulsion? I’ve seen some men watch porn as a compulsion. But uhm, I don’t know your friend. But with what you are telling me. If he has been genuinely attracted to the same sex and wanted to be with them but doesn’t like that he wants that. Then yes. It’s possible he can be gay/bi. But I think the best for you to do right now is support him. Don’t confront him about anything because that might really hurt him or trigger him. That goes for both, hocd and internalized homophobia. I hope he finds a way to be happy. But uhm idk that my opinion/advice? Sorry if anything was offensive.

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

@advice? And I’m really not trying to, and it’s why i put the trigger warning but i had nowhere to turn to, to try and help my friend he seems miserable. I have ocd but it’s not this and i just wanted to understand how to help him. Thanks

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

I’m not trying to upset anyone but it’s like how can i a person who has ocd, who also ended up being queer who had terrible intrusive thoughts about women as a child up until i actually got with -actually i still had bad intrusive thoughts about women after my first experience for years and feared to be gay and I’m actually more happy than ever with women now. So I’m just trying to understand why people are so sure that it’s hocd when they’re attracted to the same sex they just hate it. I’m simply just trying to understand

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

And I’m not speaking for all ppl with hocd to correct myself, honestly just speaking on my friend.

missbluesky

Date posted: 5y

wait so you had hocd before and then actually turned out to be gay?

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

so I’m just trying to see is it possible to have hocd and be gay.

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

Im sure its possible. I just think there fears are differant maybe. That why we have accept the uncrtainty.

bluberries

Date posted: 5y

i just want to say I apologize if this has caused any pain to anyone, but My friend is in so much pain and i knew this to be the only place to try and help him. I know how hard this disorder is for us with our own unique themes. We will all overcome this. I love you all.

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