- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
People have sexually intrusive thoughts about animals. Doesn't mean they truly want to have sex with them. Intrusive means unwanted and uncomfortable. We were disturbed by the thought initially and now they are stuck on a hamster wheel replaying in our brains. A lot of times it seems hocd is not the fear of what anyone thinks but the fear of actually engageing sexually with the same sex. It doesnt feel like who they really are. Also gay people have it to. They can fear they are secretly straight.
- Date posted
- 5y
I only question if he’s gay bc he said he’s had sex with a man to try it and enjoyed himself li way too muchX and he is still repulsed by it
- Date posted
- 5y
Based on what I read from you, I feel like he falls on the sexually confused end more than the HOCD end. Coming to terms with your sexuality can include some obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, so it’s possible that he might be gay/bi/pan/whatever. However, despite what he tells you, it isn’t your call to assume his sexuality for him. He’s the one who makes that final decision at the end of the day. And you also asked how people with Sexual Orientation OCD are confident with saying that they’re exclusively attracted to the opposite sex/same sex (if you’re gay). The thing is, we’re not. We’re constantly at war over whether we lied somewhere or “faked it” (somewhere along the lines). Whether one has experienced actual attractions with the same/opposite sex or not with it, OCD is OCD, and compulsive behaviors need to be treated regardless. To help your friend, remind him that no matter his identity, you’ll always love him and be there for him. And tell him that with accepting uncertainty, he can learn to be comfortable in who he is, whether he turns out to be straight or not. I hope this helped
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi I have HOCD and right now it’s just kinda in the background is that normal
- Date posted
- 5y
@hiiiii Yeah it’s pretty normal. Mine was in the background for a few years until it came front and center 9ish months ago.
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- 5y
How do you feel as though he is gay
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- 5y
Because he is attracted to men and does not want to be. Can you not be gay and hocd ?
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- 5y
@bluberries Hi so I have HOCD I’m still trying to get the story so has he said he is attracted to men
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- 5y
@hiiiii to me yes, but he is ashamed of it.
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- 5y
@bluberries Okay so he has admitted he likes guys sexually okay is it more of a social shame
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- 5y
@bluberries He says he wants a family with a woman and be normal but he can’t not think of men. Just because something is an unwanted thought does it mean it’s not true? That maybe he’s just afraid to indulge?
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- 5y
@bluberries Does he have ocd
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- 5y
@hiiiii I mean to my knowledge. he says that these thoughts are hocd and he regularly sees a therapist. i just don’t wanna seem like a bad friend bc i just want him to be happy.
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- 5y
@bluberries Like he’s disgusted with himself for it so i see there is a problem but just bc you are repulsed by your attraction does that make you hocd?
- Date posted
- 5y
@bluberries Oh okay understand I have HOCD to in my case I don’t want to like women and it can be difficult due to past desions and memories that have happened HOCD can even give you false attraction which can make it even more challenging however you are not being a bad friend if it is HOCD unfortunately it will take time
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- 5y
@bluberries I would say its hocd. I mean hocd is not just exist because society I mean I have hocd and It’s just not that?
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- 5y
And if he does not want it and it’s uncomfortable to him or he does not like that it’s probably ocd I mean gay people want that but they only think society or something like that
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- 5y
Hey I have HOCD and I’m getting uncomfortable now it’s like I don’t care anymore and I’m scared this means I’m lesbian
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- 5y
So your friend is actually attracted to men? He has said before that he’s had crushes on them and wanted to be with them? But he doesn’t like it right?
- Date posted
- 5y
yes.... One night he just poured his heart out to me bc i accidentally saw gay porn in his phone and he saw. He forgot to close it out.
- Date posted
- 5y
@bluberries Okay, it’s possible he can be confusing hocd with just internalized homophobia. I know this will be a trigger for hocd sufferers. But this man has been attracted to the same sex and no hocd sufferer has been attracted to the same sex. Just wanted to make that clear Incase they read this. Another reason in explanation to the porn is maybe he was doing a compulsion? I’ve seen some men watch porn as a compulsion. But uhm, I don’t know your friend. But with what you are telling me. If he has been genuinely attracted to the same sex and wanted to be with them but doesn’t like that he wants that. Then yes. It’s possible he can be gay/bi. But I think the best for you to do right now is support him. Don’t confront him about anything because that might really hurt him or trigger him. That goes for both, hocd and internalized homophobia. I hope he finds a way to be happy. But uhm idk that my opinion/advice? Sorry if anything was offensive.
- Date posted
- 5y
@advice? And I’m really not trying to, and it’s why i put the trigger warning but i had nowhere to turn to, to try and help my friend he seems miserable. I have ocd but it’s not this and i just wanted to understand how to help him. Thanks
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m not trying to upset anyone but it’s like how can i a person who has ocd, who also ended up being queer who had terrible intrusive thoughts about women as a child up until i actually got with -actually i still had bad intrusive thoughts about women after my first experience for years and feared to be gay and I’m actually more happy than ever with women now. So I’m just trying to understand why people are so sure that it’s hocd when they’re attracted to the same sex they just hate it. I’m simply just trying to understand
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- 5y
And I’m not speaking for all ppl with hocd to correct myself, honestly just speaking on my friend.
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- 5y
wait so you had hocd before and then actually turned out to be gay?
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- 5y
so I’m just trying to see is it possible to have hocd and be gay.
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- 5y
Im sure its possible. I just think there fears are differant maybe. That why we have accept the uncrtainty.
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- 5y
i just want to say I apologize if this has caused any pain to anyone, but My friend is in so much pain and i knew this to be the only place to try and help him. I know how hard this disorder is for us with our own unique themes. We will all overcome this. I love you all.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 8w
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
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- Date posted
- 5w
Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.
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