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Idk

Date posted: 5y

(Porn related topic) I really fear at the fact that I can only get off to lesbian porn and also some gay male porn. But that’s about it. I fear it , like why does it turn me on so much?? Am I the only one?

Sexual Orientation OCD

rachelrocks7

Date posted: 5y

I have ALWAYS preferred women, but for some reason man on man porn was my absolute favorite. No matter what gender is in the porn your brain responds with excitement and enjoyment because it knows it's sex, and sex stimulates the brain. There was a study were openly homophobic men watched gay porn, and compared to the control group, the homophobes actually experienced more arousal! So chew on that fact. But porn is porn and sex is sex, so your brain is going to respond. And that's natural and that's okay :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Im glad you answered. Thank you. Can I ask you something a bit personal?

rachelrocks7

Date posted: 5y

@lemondew What's that?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@rachelrocks7 I'm very embarrassed for asking this but it seems you're a woman that likes women if I'm not wrong. When did you realize that you liked women, like after puberty or before puberty or later in life. I apologize for asking such a question but my HOCD had gotten out of control and I'm anxious. I apologize again :(

rachelrocks7

Date posted: 5y

@lemondew Don't apologize, I don't mind! I don't really know when I went through puberty? Probably because I was so absorbed in my mind I didn't really notice what was happening elsewhere. But I first thought that I might like girls in 8th grade and I very quickly came to accept this as fact and I came out and was happy. I think I knew because when I watched my favorite tv show, I felt very different when nessa would come on. I felt butterflies and couldn't take my eyes off her. I hadn't felt that for any guy, and soon I felt like that with other girls. I felt comfortable with it, I knew I was getting to the age where it was normal to feel that way, so I had actually a healthy view on it and didn't try to suppress it or anything. For me I was confused when later in 9th grade I was falling for a guy. I was 0% attracted to him physically, even when he took his shirt off in front of me. I just felt romantically interested in him and I was very confused by this. After a long journey I came to realize that I am pansexual, which means I don't care about the gender of a potential mate and am open to any gender as long as they are a good person. It just felt right, natural, fuzzy, and good.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@rachelrocks7 I'm confused very much ever since HOCD. Like I panic seeing any girl at this point and I get this kind uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. I was always attracted to boys since I was 5 like I was attracted to any males on TV. Even after puberty I don't think I questioned my attraction to boys but now I'm anxious that I'm gay. Not that it's bad or I'm homophobic but I just never felt this way nor does it feel "fuzzy" and good like with boys. Even right now I really like a boy and I get that fuzzy feeling whenever I think about him or speak to him. But my HOCD and ROCD kind of interrupts my feelings and makes me question everything.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@rachelrocks7 Also, is it bad I liked hearing songs from LGBTQ artists because of their songs being aesthetically pleasing and popular. Like whenever I listen to them I always imagine being with a boy. Like does liking these songs make me gay? or could this be a hidden sign? I'm not comfortable at all

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

@lemondew Hey, as rachelrocks7 explains she was very comfortable with the fact thar she likes girls, she also felt for girls what she never felt for boys. A good feeling! And thats totally normal, for you i think you also felt the way about guys rachel feels about girls. Its a good Feeling. But if u force urself to like girls you dont get that good feeling. I think thts where the differnce between gay and hocd lies:) thanks rachel for clearing things up, wish you the best!!

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

@lemondew I also liked music that niw r memes made of like, if u listened to this ur gay now like halsey, melanie martinez, troye sivan, sweather weather. I think it means nothing bc i had the best daydreams evolved around boys with those songs, wish i could feel the dame way about boys and the songs again :)

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

Thank you! Messages like this make me not feel triggered when i get turned on by the porn and trust me, thats a huuuge step for me! So thankyoutnankyouthankyou

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@hocdgirlsummer I like Melanie soo much and sweater weather is a classic song. I remember jamming to these and imagining my crush, being with them.

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

@lemondew Yeah truly snd the best youtubers like sarah baska and more also lived for these songs while theyre not gay, this is only reassurance but sometimes if u repeat the reassurance while ur thinking of getting triggered you get used to the explanation why it doesnt make you and it lowkey helps for me tk realise actually very stoopid for overthinking this all so far

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@hocdgirlsummer Also when i tried being bi once to seem different and even at that point it felt unnatural and stupid to me. I developed HOCD at that point but I didn't realize it until a few months ago when my panic attacks went out of control. I forced myself to smile thinking of girls but I cant do that without my lips frowning in disgust but HOCD still confused me

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@hocdgirlsummer Yeah, I listened to a song from Clairo's immunity album and I couldn't stop smiling and imagining myself with the boy I really like

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

@lemondew Yeah its just your natural you being forced to be something your not... take that info in and truly realise it. Dont force anything

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@hocdgirlsummer If I truly realise myself I feel very straight (I even smiled writing that down). But me trying to force bisexuality on myself was the dumbest thing i had ever done that cause this mess. I hope I get better from this...

rachelrocks7

Date posted: 5y

@lemondew I am so glad I could help omg I am so happy hocdgirlsummer! I remember you seriously struggling with hocd for a while and it seems like you're getting better and that is just wonderful!!! :) And lemondew, on your last message I relate because when I was 9 I said "I'm going to be a germaphobe now" and then I developed contamination ocd. Wtf me!!!!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@rachelrocks7 Like you mean in the same way I developed HOCD? If yes, at least I'm glad I'm not the only person who was like this ?

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

@rachelrocks7 ????thankyou for caring i appreciatw that sooo muchh, ugh i wish you the very very best ❤️❤️❤️

ginac

Date posted: 5y

Definitely not the only one!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

No you aren't it turns me on more too though I naturally imagine being with boys and enjoy it a lot

Idk

Date posted: 5y

So you enjoy lesbian porn as well?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@advice? Yeah! That was the first kind of porn I had watched but I still fall in love with boys

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

Yeah same idk it turns me on sooo much but like i used to fall in love withh boys and i miss that feeling and i wanna fall in love w boys again

Idk

Date posted: 5y

Yes ! I love the feeling of crushing on someone and being with someone as well.

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

@advice? Yes its way better than the feeling of being on turned by porn idk thats just a thing i do and then i dont think about it but idk boys i think about all day and i miss that feeling bevause that has been gone fkr so. Long now

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

I think that post earlier triggered us all. Did you guys see it? About the peson who has the guy friend? I know i had to do some erp after that post! Lol-

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

Btw men and women are differant when it comes to what turns them on. There have been studies done about it.

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

Yeah true but my mjnd doesnt allow me to like men too as i used to bevause i told myself 1000 times im gay bc i like les porn and now it doesnt wanna see the attractiveness in men again

lizzy123

Date posted: 5y

@hocdgirlsummer I believe in time your numbness will slowly start to fade. Are you doing some erp?

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

@lizzy123 Nope i dont know how..

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Date posted: 17w

kink stuff (sorry this is long)

I was looking up stuff about kinks, because my friend is trying to help me "get out there", and I took the bdsm test to see where I land on it. I got 100% vanilla, and I was a little embarassed so I decided to Google things like "is it normal to not have a lot of kinks" or "what % of the population is into kink" and when I scrolled down a bit, I clicked on one of the little suggestion things with the arrow that said "are men more prone to enjoying kink than women" and it revealed a blurb from the website that said that men are in fact more inclined to kink, but also mentioned that it also means they're more inclined to p*dophellia, which sort of set off all these questions in my head of like "Wait so if p*dophellia is just a kink, does that make it more likely that I have it? Because scientenists still don't know what causes it so what if events in my childhood led up to me having it to some extent" and I started kind of going down this internal rabbit hole of trying to figure out how likely it is that I have it or some form of it bc if it's just a kink and not a mental illness than it feels more feasible? Idk I'm a woman so ik it's not AS common in us but it's still possible. I'm doing a little better with redirecting my attention and cooling my anxiety but I had an onslaught of intrusive images before falling asleep like I used to have when I first started experiencing this fear. It's been really catapulting me back to the beginning and I find that I'm ruminating on when it started and if it really means I'm a p or not. I know it's classic ocd but it's hard when it doesn't feel that way ;-; anyway, I'm too scared to Google bc i know it'll be a form of reassurance but also I'm just scared of having anything related to that in my search history so I just thought I'd post here. Anyone else have conflicting thoughts like this?

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

Has anyone experienced where you love woman everything about them, even to the point where you still can get erections watching normal porn, lesbian porn etc. but you find your self still admiring a good looking man. I’ve went through the groinal responses when seeing a man but honestly after watching porn and realizing it’s not about sex it went away. On the other hand even when there’s a male and a female in a picture I can’t stop looking at the male and judging, but the minute they’re naked I’m fine and looking at the woman. I started watching porn at a very young age so I’m wondering do I only sexualize woman and admire the man so in everyday life I don’t see her as beautiful because she’s not naked ? I understand as a straight male I can still think guys are attractive but why do I constantly notice them more than women? I also can admire and see when a girl is beautiful in the face but then if a dude that’s more attractive than me pops up in staring at him. Has anyone experience this?

Abuchs

Date posted: 15w

FUCK please help me what is wrong with me

I am a girl's in my twenties. I got diagnosed with OCD last year. I have a boyfriend, sadly we're long distance right now. I've liked boys all my life. It's very difficult to sustain intimacy in a long distance relationship. Sometimes I have intimate calls with my boyfriend and it's nice. Other times, however, (and I am not proud of it) I do watch porn. I started watching porn when I was 16. I've tried to quit it many times but every couple of weeks I go back to it. And as everyone knows, one of the MANY problems with it is that your brain will always ask for more. More taboo things, more explicit things. I have a daddy kink. I've roleplayed with my boyfriend and watched porn of this kink. Now, the thing is that my brain keeps telling me that I won't orgasm unless I think of little girls being ab*sed. I've never looked for that on the internet, I never want to either. I am under EXTREME DISTRESS, because what my brain tells me feels SO REAL, and it's like my pleasure gets blocked and that contributes to me thinking my brain must be right. It wasn't like this before. I want to go back. I'm scared it will be like this forever now.

POCD

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