OCD colored glasses. This morning I woke up with a good attitude, I have been making progress with resisting my compulsions and was ready to start the day resisting more. When I open my bedroom door my cat as usual was at the door scratching to get in, next to her was sitting a piece of Poo. It must have got caught on her fur and dropped off as she was cleaning herself while waiting for me to come out of my room. I close the bedroom door, retreated to my room and felt extreme anxiety, struggle to breath, intensive crying, you know the drill. It took me half an hour to work up to starting the decontamination process I knew I would have to do because of the cat Poo. “ I don’t know where she went with the poo still on her, it might have spread over the entire house, I can’t see the poo partials that may have dropped off her, I have to decontaminate everything and then chuck out the mop, the mop bucket and my slippers after I have finished, then I can have a shower. Then and only then will I feel like I can be in my house again and move in with my day” I pulled my self together, I got the order right in my head of what I needed to do, I pre prepared my bathroom opening the shower door so I didn’t have to touch it with contaminated hands. I walked out of my bedroom to face the next 6-12 hours of decontamination. IT WASN’T POO. IT WAS A SEED POD. As soon as I knew it was a seed pod all of my anxiety evaporated instantly. I felt relief, I felt calm, I felt happy. When my brain through it was poo the world felt like it was over. When my brain new it was a seed pod I could automatically go on with my day not being effected by it. My aunty who is a trauma psychologist who also studies the brain told me I was seeing the world through an OCD filter. Just like all of the filters that we see every day that people put over there lives on instagram. Majority of what we see on social media is through a filter. It’s so easy to edit photos and post a unrealistic version of your self that you want the world to see. Suffering from OCD is permanently looking through our eyes at the world with a OCD filter. If we can start to understand our brains better we may be able to lift that filter and see world and let it effect us in a different way. A positive way. The way I was able to move on with my day because of the seed pod compared to how I could have let it debilitate me if it was cat poo. Even if it was poo. A person not living with OCD would not have suffered from a panic attack and had to endure 6-12 hours of cleaning. I’m educating myself on the brain and how it makes us think and function. I do not want to spend the rest of my life with OCD Colour glasses.

So i am dealing with my third relapse of ocd and this time the theme is paranormal. So you can imagine how distressing it is. My ocd creates image intrusive thoughts and even gets scared and doubts normal eye vision things. But i am learning through it. But here are some things i have learned and learning : 1. Don't try to runaway from triggers : one thing i have learnt is that we may think that if we runaway from triggers our ocd thoughts will stop, its a big no, it will never because in ocd anything and everything can be a trigger. So even if you think that sitting in your room and not going out will help you, i will say for sometime but then again ocd will come up with new fear. Now i know it will create anxiety but don't runaway from your triggers it is indirectly feeding your loop. 2. Also i would say that try to ignore these thoughts and image intrusive thoughts. No matter how much they come try to shift your focus on something else. Something that gives you happiness like try to think about your dream job and what will happen if you get it, daydreaming a bit is necessary to ignore these negative thoughts, think of your family and friends, your crush, your love maybe. And after few minutes when you shift your focus towards other thoughts and things you will eventually realise that these negative thoughts lose their importance. I know it is extremely tough to shift your focus but you need to do it. Think about your hopeful future, imagine yourself being happy. 3. Ocd brings in a lot of anxiety which leads to brain fog and anxiety and anxiety can create fake sensations, visions and beliefs. It can even cause fake smell also, so whenever ocd brings in the thought that what if i saw something, or what if i listened to something, what if i smelled something just say that anxiety creates fake sensations and it is scientifically proven. Also due to anxiety we become hypersensitive so our senses become more active they tend to notice things more easily. Like being hypersensitive means you will notice normal sounds more, peripheral vision illusions more certain smells more. And it is fine, our body is in hyper alert mode so it will. 4. Even when you start feeling a bit fine and bit okay don't expect that ocd will fade away immediately. It won't fade away immediately, it will take time, your hyper sensitive and anxious brain will take time to normalise things. It may take month or something. And in this moment you will get intrusive thoughts, maybe more weird or bizzarre images or thoughts. Because the brain had gotten into the habit of negative thinking, worrying and anxiety so yeah there will be moments when it will doubt many things, when it will bring extreme intrusive thoughts, try your best to not ruminate over it. 5. I have realised that we ocd sufferers have one thing in common we are very creative people, we love art and expression. And our minds have the habit of constantly think something. I have noticed that my ocd relapses only when my mind is empty, like when it has nothing else to think about, when i am idle and and my life is lonely with no external stimulation. So try to find a purpose and give direction to yourself that's it. Ocd increases when serotonin and dopamine decrease so try to maintain your serotonin and dopamine levels by having healthy diet, investing it into something you like maybe writing, art, music, acting anything you like. You can start a blog or a page or write a book about your ocd journey. 6. Lastly i would say that accept it that yes my brain is a bit more anxious, and it is fine. Also everyone is fighting a battle inside them, we are suffering from our thoughts, some are dealing with something else, and don't try to seek much reassurance or give attention to ocd thoughts, just let it be there and shift your focus. Think about how there are much important things in your life. And ocd happens when we are very scaredy like the ones who get scared easily, so try to win over your fears, win over it. It picks up our greatest fears and feeds on it. Win over these fears that's it. At the end i would say yes the fight is very tough, even though i have understood so many things about it, yet many days i go through the depression, i go through the anxiety, i go through the sadness, and there are days when i just sleep a lot to escape these thoughts and this fear because paranormal ocd is very draining. But i am learning through it and yes one day we all will defeat it. Keep learning, keep fighting, keep growing, stay strong. Ocd is just our mind trying to pull itself inwards away from the external world. Get into the external world, face the real life and real issues, ocd thoughts are imaginary and not real issues.

These are some of my experiences with some theatrical flare to better depict how it feels. I decided to share this because when I saw this community I suddenly felt less alone in more human. Lovecraftian door Lurker: I don’t know the subtypes so I’ll just be talking about my relationship with OCD. OCD! that lonely woman in the ocean singing your praise's, sure she’ll love you forever! Of course she isn’t a siren planning on dragging you to the depths and tearing you to shreds. OCD! that haunting whisper in the wind calling you to fly! fly! OCD! that Lovecraftian abomination chanting at you from behind a locked door. Banging demanding you bow to it’s will. For me it latches on to my trauma and PTSD circling them like some demented teacup ride. A daily occurance for me is recalling the day I died when I was like 6 i remeber each detail of the day the kids i met the activtes we particapated in, the heat. The height of the slide before i plummeted to my death. This day consumes my life. “Thud thud!” I ask my parents about it often they tell me it never happened i tell them they weren’t there. Each time they lie and say I’ve never told them. My boyfriend whom I’ve been with for three years hears the story offten and often deals with me asking him if he’s seen me ask my parents. “Thud Thud” Each time he says yes and I asked how they responded “like you’ve never told them.” I constantly become afraid that my boyfreind will drown because he can’t swim. “Thud! Thud!” and because he can’t swim that the car will go off the road into some body of water and he will die. ”Thud! Thud!” I feel the water filling my lungs turning them into fire, the fear of reaching out my hands with no aid. “THUD! THUD! And he will die alone too and there’s nothing you can do to stop it! THUD THUD!” I scream that same fire fueling my rage my tears running down my face like gasoline igniting the thought spiral further burning deeper into my self hatred. I scream again banging my hands on my head. Wish and hoping it will shut up the thoughts.“why? Why?! WHY!” Sobbing until I’m nothing but a puddle. . . Ya know a few months ago I was depressed the thoughts became too much, so I wanted to get high. I thought it would make them stop “Thud! Thud!” So I took a gummy it was unpackage, from a friend of a friend so now the word dog, in reference to a person is a permit part of my vocabulary. And I have memories from being in a comma because it turned out to be DMT and my 6 hour trip end up feeling like 6 months of HELL. The ocd thoughts that i usually see, in a flash became so real that i just cried for hour terrified i was stabbing my eyes out dead and this was my purgatory for leaving the church. ”Thud! THUD!” I stopped using my favorite water bottle after that. Before the incident The bottle up against the wall with the straw to the side of the wall because the thought that would repeat in my head would be that because of my clumsiness I would trip and fall onto the straw and it would stab my eye out and kill me. I had this thought often I kept look up what to do if you accidently get something stab/stuck in your eye. “Thud! Thud!”

OCD master post Do's and don'ts of ocd: Don't : Try to ignore (avoidance) Try to make sense of it (Ruminate) Act on it (compulsion) Argue with it (basically Ruminating) Distract yourself in spite of it (avoidance) All of the above will make ocd worse and does not work. Do: Acknowledge it Accept uncertainty Redirect your attention once acknowledged to something else Have healthy distractions available (try to use different ones every now and then to avoid creating a compulsion) Exaggerate the thought until its ridiculous, borderline unrealistic and funny. Respond with "maybe, maybe not", " sure", "cool", "thanks, you do you, I'm gonna do my thing, feel free to stay though" The above responses can train your mind to not deem them as threats and over time will trigger the fight or flight response less and less. You'll most likely make mistakes here and there but as long as you stay vigilant and don't get complacent, this should help. Ironic process theory and our internal alarm system: https://youtu.be/xoSlOnUuw-U?feature=shared Ironic process theory is to do with attachment and the idea of non-existence. The more we try to not think about something that already exists as a thought the more it'll prove it exists and demands your attention. With attachment, people tend to ignore or argue against in spite of the thought. If you do this you are doing it because of the thought, therefore giving it more life. Thirdly your brain will start to set an internal alarm via thoughts and hormones or even bodily reactions every time you are stressed, just to see if you're not stressed about that trigger even if it's not what triggered you in the moment. To combat this, you'll need to find a way to deal with the thoughts directly and let them be and get through it via Erp, or being able to accept the thought as a thought and redirecting your attention without attachment (despite or regardless of the thoughts) Erp done effectively: When you do Erp in therapy sessions, it's done in a controlled way and on your own terms. A lot of people make the mistake of only doing it in therapy with only ocd related themes. Truth is, you can do it with any level of discomfort and it's good to practice whenever you can as long as you're mindful of other people. When you're doing it out of therapy and on your own terms, you challenge a potential trigger and then welcome the feeling that follows. I find welcoming or accepting the feelings existence helps a lot. I would welcome the fear and all the horrible feelings until I'm crying and trembling and on the edge of a panic attack, the feeling always fades and trains your brain not to deem it as a threat anymore. No more ocd firedrills. Why practice is valuable. Imagine you have a boxing match with an opponent coming up, and that opponent is tough. They train every day, and you don't train at all. Who do you think will win when the day of the fight comes around? The opponent of course. So train yourself so you stand a fighting chance or risk getting your butt kicked every time OCD enters the ring. Hormones and circadian ryhtm: So the circadian rhythm is your internal body clock. Your hormones learn patterns and release at certain times of day. Usually based on the amount of sunlight exposure you get. Cortisol the stress hormone is the one to wake us up and if you do not find a way to deal with those hormones first thing, your ocd alarm will go off and bring up scenarios or thoughts to fill in the gap as to why your body is stressed. ERP, Exercise, breathing meditations, cold plunges are great for the morning to eliminate excess cortisol. Sunlight helps too, roughly 30 minute exposures is enough to help keep your circadian rhythm healthy. Melatonin kicks in when it starts to get dark or you've went through your hormone reserves for the day. The more you go through in a healthy way, the better you'll sleep. Rough neuro science explanation : https://youtu.be/BJshegpcFv8?feature=shared So your brain will use one of 2 pathways to process external stimuli. The direct pathway, being the shortest route to process in case of a threat or perceived threat. This pathway is dominant in those who have ocd. The there's the indirect pathway which takes longer but is related to rationalising thoughts. This pathway is used less by people with ocd. This pathway requires sufficient seratonin levels in order to be used and that's why SSRIs are popular medications for people with ocd. Food and drink consumption: So I tested myself based on lots of personal research around what we put in our body and how it effects ocd. Sugar, fructose and glucose levels spike quite quickly depending on your source. It can lead your body being stressed and releasing the corresponding hormones to notify you are stressed, then your brain will try fill in the gap whether you're aware of this or not. Whole fruits tend to be the best source as they contain fibre, acting as a slow release of energy rather than flooding your system. Caffeine has the same effect without question, and also screws up your circadian rhythm if not taken at sensible times. Trans fats, saturated fats and processed foods are also bad. These may not effect your brain as quickly as sugar or caffeine but stress your body over a slower and longer period. All of the above are not just inflammatories for your muscles and organs, they are neuro inflammatories, making it much harder for your brain to use the indirect pathway for rationalising your thoughts, therefore supporting the direct neuropathway and your usual OCD patterns. The foods I started to eat are heavy in anti inflammatories to help my brain function better, anti oxidants to help lower the stress in my body, and food that support seratonin production to promote the use of the indirect neural pathway. The list below is vegan friendly, but you can look into this to suit your preferred needs ●Tryptophan - leafy greens, sunflower seeds, water cress, soy beans, pumpkin seeds, mushrooms, brocoli, peas ●vit b6 - nutritional yeast, muesli, avacado, pistachio nuts, butternut squash, banana, quinoa, brown spaghetti, chestnuts, hazelnuts, oranges, tahini, potatoes, chickpeas, kidney beans, peanuts ●higher b12 complex - yeast extract, Soya milk, almond milk, tofu, tempeh, seaweed, beetroot ●Vit D - portobello mushrooms, shitake mushrooms, orange juice, soya yoghurt ●zinc - beans, cashew nuts, Lentils, chia seeds, linseed, hemp seeds, wholemeal bread, blackberries, pomegranate juice, spinach, strawberries, pecan nuts, Brazil nuts, oatmeal ●Complex carbs - quinoa, brown rice, peas, corn, sweet potatoes, barley, lentils, nuts, legumes ●Thiamine / Vit b1 - beans, peas, legumes, nuts, brown rice ●Monounsaturated fats - extra virgin olive oil, other oils, nuts and avacados ●Vit c - guava, peppers, kiwi, mango, papaya, strawberries, brocoli ●Polyphenols - berries, dark chocolate, cocoa powder, nuts, flax seeds, olives, green tea, artichoke, red grapes, spinach ●Antioxidant - Brocoli, spinach, carrots, potatoes, artichoke, cabbage, beetroot, kale, spices ●Anti inflammatories - olive oil, avacado, walnuts, tomatoes, dark chocolate, leafy greens, brocoli, ginger, turmeric, berries, grapes, chia seeds, pepper, garlic, spirulina ●Raisins, red wine, grapes Mindfulness and being in the moment: So our brains do not know the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat and will react the same regardless of how we can rationalise it. A lot of us are stuck in the past or the future and mindfulness promotes being present. The past and future are both illusions of the mind. They are not happening now but our ocd brains react as if they are real. Anything that is not happening now isn't real. So practicing anything that will pull you closer to the present moment will help to ground you in reality. Everything that doesnt exist in the present is infinite and we cannot be certain of any of it, all we can be certain of is the here and now. Core values, self judgement and breaking the cycle : A lot of us are stuck in cycles, going around and around. These cycles are due to a lot of our core values and the thoughts/ past actions not lining up with the. These can be caused by trauma and/ or conditioning. Usually we can't let go because something clashed with the way in which we judge things, but the problem doesn't actually lie in our focus, but the values in which we judge them. The problem isn't what we weigh, but the scale itself. This is where it can get tricky, especially if what we think feels justified. It's not that your judging the scenario, actions or thoughts incorrectly, it's that your values are a bit on the extreme side. For example, I had harm ocd for 2 years and it was telling me to hurt everyone and everything in every way possible. This theme came about because I had a random intrusive thought once that clashed with my extreme values on morals having been raised by a reformed ex gangster and animal rights activist. The fault was caused by the conditioning I received. So when you go into therapy, please try to understand your conditioning and challenge them through Erp and some self compassion because it's not your fault. Where the fault lies does not matter, because that doesn't change what you need to do. You have to heal yourself regardless of it all.