I have anxiety from a past mistake I made. I tried a sugar baby site with a friend, only to be used like a prostitute and not paid anyway. I deleted my account shortly after. But I was bought to motel rooms by one and bought to the basement of a bar by the other for sexual favors. I was drunk so I didn’t think anything at the time. I even went to NYPD special victims unit about this 3 years later and since i consented there’s nothing but a police report I can put. Anyway, years later I have obsessions that I’m secretly taped and that the bar had security cameras in the stock room basement. The bar has since closed and has sister pubs but I became agoraphobic being in NYC and can’t live happily without reassurance that there’s nothing wrong and everything is perfect. I’m working with my therapist but it’s hard just sitting with uncertainty about things. I always have the urge to go to great lengths for reassurance. Even though I’ve never been blackmailed and never saw any videos of me, I fear the worst case scenarios. Most likely even if there was s security camera it’s nothing that would be leaked. But I still have that ocd reassurance seeking inside of me.

"Pure" OCD

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

:( Firstly, I'm sorry that you were taken advantage of like that :(. I once had a friend who signed up to a site like that and I begged her not to meet up with the man and thankfully she didnt in the end. OCD plays havoc on all the situations in life we have encountered, if obsessed about anything and everything. The only way to counteract this is to accept there could have been cameras and the footage could be leaked one day. I know that's terrifying, and you dont want that to happen at all but by reassuring yourself your brain will just ruminate more and more because it wants to protect you from what you perceive as being dangerous (the footage leaking). So, practising acceptance will go like this "Yes, maybe one day the footage will be leaked onto the internet and that would be the worst case scenario but I will be able to deal with it if that day comes". You know how likely or unlikely it is for this situation to even happen, security footage have laws to protect it. You cant just leak security footage like that, and there are laws to protect peoples privacy/identity/security. Try not to seek reassurance, I know its hard. Accepting uncertainty is the tool that will help you move on :( x

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you for your response ❤️ yes my therapist in the past told me to think of it like a business transaction and the other party did not hold up their end of the deal. The police detective basically told me the same thing. I googled the guy way after it happened and it turns out he defrauded investors a lot of money as a broker and pocketed their money for personal expenses. He blocked me right after meeting twice and then messaged me months later saying “remember the blowjob you gave?” When I called him out for not paying he said “you drive a Benz why would I pay you? Bye hoe”. So my mind just thinks the worst of people now. I think if this sociopath can do so much then he could also record me or come after me. Or the other guy could put hidden cameras in a motel room. I guess I’m so guilty about the past and the Turkish culture I was raised in I developed this anxiety about reputation. It’s a hard pill to swallow but I’m gonna have to sit with the uncertainty.

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