I found a dm I sent to Bella Thorne in 2017 asking for advice on if I could be lesbian or bi and how lesbian porn turned me on and how girls were intriguing and turned me on sometimes but I even said in the message I never thought about girls in a relationship way or had liked one and I still wanted to be with guys. This is just more proof that I am gay or have been and just have been denying it. Now I’m crying. I can’t stand this. If I had thoughts before, why did hocd happen out of nowhere and the obsessing got so unhealthy just recently?! This hocd shit is so confusing and so stressful. I hate not knowing who the fuck I am.

It makes me scared that I’m just sad because I always wanted to be with a man but I’m scared I cry and am sad cuz I am in denial and scared to accept myself. And I hate thinking about leaving my bf.

@Ocdandme123 i have never seen a closeted bi or lesbian girl act like this. Usually when they find out, it's a little scary and overwhelming, but they accept it and move on. They don't cry or have intrusive thoughts or memories of dumb irrelevent shit that pop up to try and ruin your whole life. That's OCD. So just let yourself be scared and take the risk. Have this "whatever happens happens" attitude and eventually, you'll start to feel better. Also invest in therapy and ERP and all that shit.

@XXXXXXX I went once to the erp ocd specialist I was going to go to but then my insurance switched and my meds aren’t covered so I have to start from square 1 and I’m just feeling very scared and hopeless. I need to figure out my new insurance and work on finding another erp specialist. Thank you for helping!

@XXXXXXX I like ur attitude

@Ocdandme123 What I do is write like 5 fucked up thoughts in a notebook like let's say I write down "I'm secretly attracted to whatever" and I sit there, put a timer on and for 30 seconds minimum I just spend time telling myself that maybe what I wrote down is true, maybe not, maybe its true to a certain extent, maybe its completely false, etc. and after the time runs out I move onto the next.

@blondehairyKrishna Thanks! I'm garbage though so don't get your hopes up.

@XXXXXXX I like your attitude too! You don’t sound like garbage to me! And I do need to start writing things down. It’s just scary. Can I ask what your theme is?

@XXXXXXX Hahah I guess we match then.

@Ocdandme123 POCD aka the possible death of me

@XXXXXXX Everyone in here seems to be really struggling with all different types of themes. I hate that so my people suffer from this fucked up disease.:( I want all of us to get better

@Ocdandme123 I hate that every ocdless cow on earth thinks we have germaphobia or that were just perfectionists. Girl, if I dont wash my hands with this fruity soap, I'll be touching everyone with the hand I touch my private parts with, which for my OCD means violating everyone sexually and I'd rather injest hydrogen peroxide bottles until i disolve into a pool of hot bleach, than do shit like that to ANYONE

@XXXXXXX Yes I know. Like there’s so much more to it than all that bs. It’s serious shit and I would do anything to not have a stressed out ocd obsessed fucked up brain any day

Okay it feels good to know I’m not alone. I’m just weirded out cuz I don’t even remember what happened for me to send this to her. Idk if it was the simple fact that lesbian porn turned me on and I just always wanted to make out with my friends drunk idk I just can’t get this sick nauseous gut wrenching feeling out of my stomach and right feeling out of my chest

I’m sorry that’s weird!!!