how come with hocd i get these gross sexual thoughts and they make me super uncomfortable and i cringe but something makes me think i like it. and i don’t even know what it is that makes me think i like it

That's just the way humans brains are wired some times. We are sexual beings; but obsessive compulsive disorder is lying to you. That's what's not normal- the chemicals in your brain are just a temporary illness. This is not your fault. You need to practice thoughts of self love and worthiness. Even when you dont feel like it. Meditation made a big difference for me

Same! Did anyone of you stop having such active thoughts. I used to constantly search on the internet about sexuality tests and all that. I don't actively think about sexuality stuffs nowadays but it's there somewhat at the back of mind to the point i know i can never go back to how I was and freely interact with my female friends. Like i go through my daily routine without having such intrusive thoughts but it's there at the back of my mind. But just the fact that nowadays I don't actively think about it is making me think that I never had hocd and am actually a lesbian. I do actively think when i read something online that triggers me or come across a pretty girl. I just start fantasizing to the point I get anxious

I know how you feel i get those same thoughts. It’s constant and iv been dealing with this since 2004. It really sucks

I get that too. I’ll have a thought I like another girl when I don’t and my hocd even makes me feel like I’m smiling it’s disgusting. I guess we could just say it’s part of the hocd

i’m pretty sure this is a compulsion so i need to stop, but when i think about it to check and see if i like it, it seems so real and i hate it. also this is a way for me to vent because the more i vent the better i feel because it seems less real life and more of an actual ocd thing

I feel like I could never love myself when I constantly have these thoughts. It really does suck I’m sorry we have to go through this.

Neveragain86, you often arent going to feel like it. That's the thing. I never feel like doing a lot of things especially when I'm depressed I have to force myself because in the long run I know its what's best for me. Make it a practice. Writing it out, saying things out loud. Even if you dont believe it in the moment. Its the action you are taking and over time it helps to make new and healthy connections in the brain.

Look into Mel Robbins 5 second rule. It doesnt always work but can help for things like getting up!