Hi, I wrote yesterday but I delete it because it was to long the message. I just need a little help and support with this. I was diagnosed with pure OCD a few years ago. I manage to get through but recently I experience a traumatic event that felt mostly as an emotional abuse. From that day on my mind stuck on that experience and it doesn’t seem to let it go even after a year and something. It’s like everyday my mind relive that experience trying to find the why’s and the how’s. My difficulty is that recently it started to become very painful any thought about that experience provokes very strong emotions of fear and sadness and brings me a huge migraine and actual physical pain in my brain. It’s worth to mention that through that experience I started to doubt myself and blame myself for the abuse. I believe that I am experiencing PTSD and have OCD thoughts about the PTSD and it’s really painful. I was wondering if anyone of you experience something similar. Any advice would be appreciated, I just need a small breath. Thank you.

Not I am currently not seeing a therapist, I open up to family members and some friends, they seem to understand at the beginning but now they get tired about the cycle of taking about it over over again. I found it very difficult because I self doubt myself so deep that the OCD took to much power over me. Also the feeling associated with the thoughts and memories are very powerful this time. I read a lot of self books regarding OCD but I cannot find something with PTSD and OCD. I try to avoid talking about it to much but sometimes I just feel that I need to take it because I feel like I am going to explode. I am currently in job so I cannot write so much. Thanks for the reply!

I experience this too. Have you been able to open up to a therapist about what happened?

I don’t really know, I had a very bad experience with someone who I believe she had a covert narcissistic personality disorder. It’s little complicated, the thing is that, she did the same thing to another friend of mine that he did not have OCD and he self doubt he self also and had also obsessions and fears for a few months. He came to point that he wanted to kill his self because no one was going to believe him. After a year my friend get over it, by mind get stuck there, without different scenarios each time, that I was to blame, that I did not understand correctly and several. But the what if thoughts are OCD thoughts, I am anxious all the time that I may be the narcissist, that something wrong with me, fear and anxiety kicks in, and I get lost somewhere between OCD and traumatic memories and pain from that experience.

It feels like OCD but with something else, that I cannot describe, is like a fear of that person to not hurt me again so deeply,flashbacks, sadness, strong self doubts because she did all that things and never admited it them. She just continued her life like nothing happened, that we both didn’t understand her correctly, and she even blamed us to other people. I lost friends and I never find the power to conform her, its like I am paralyzed by fear only by the thought of seeing her. She played to much with our minds and she did with very delicated ways. So imagine to have a mind that by default cause you to doubt yourself and how good person you are and after to have an experience that really confuse you, that blame you for things that she did, and when you reacted to that, to take that reaction and blame you even more. It’s like my OCD now found ground to get stronger and bit my self to the ground. I don’t know if this really makes sense.