My most recent issue was dating a guy I didn’t feel a spark for. I stopped dating after a month, but continuing as friends with benefits, we became best friends. I began to love him as a person, as a friend. And I became really uneasy about why I didn’t like him because he was everything I wanted. Whenever I tried to push him away, I’d get sad. And the sadness got worse and worse each time I’d push him away. And when he would be out my life completely, that’s when I missed him. But while remaining involved, I had anxiety, sadness, and some happiness all at the same time. I had excitement and then no excitement. I didn’t like him and did like him, and acted like I did. I was soooo confused with myself. I tried an official relationship and the little feeling I thought I had died. I went from wanting to be around him a lot to not at all. I went from wanting to talk to him every day to not. My anxiety went through the roof as I couldn’t handle being in it and couldn’t handle hurting him again by leaving. The anxiety affected my mood and my choices, and we eventually broke up. A 3 yr friendship and a 3.5 mo official relationship. And though I’m not tense the way I was, now I’m grieving again, which confusingly sucks. But I’ve now also learned through research that can happen to anyone, that you can grieve the loss of someone you don’t even like. But here’s my question. Whenever I’d read about ROCD, it always sounded like the person knew they liked/loved their partner but just had negative thoughts or feelings that were ocd based. Mine seemed different, in that the foundation started from a place of my heart never fully opening up the way I knew it would in the past with other guys....but this guy was much better than all of them. So has anyone else had this situation? Where you didn’t feel something from the very beginning and it was rocd? My therapist was confident it was, but I always second guessed it based off my own research. Always felt like I just needed to go date other people to figure it out. The great decision of being true to yourself vs rocd. And ERP didn’t help, which I started at the very beginning of the relationship. Nor did medication.

Sure

I wouldn’t know. I was working with a psychologist to do it. So I figured she knew what she was doing. She did not explain the differences between the E and RP. She basically said stop reassuring myself, sit with the anxiety, and tell myself “maybe I like him or maybe not, I don’t know,” and to be okay with the uncertainty of that. I’d try to sit with the anxiety. It would go away for a second and then come back.

So what is E and what is RP?

@Ditto~ Great question. E is for exposure. Exposure is when you intentionally trigger an obsession. RP is response/ritual prevention. That's where you don't do the compulsions. Compulsions (including reassurance seeking) and avoidance are the fuel that keeps the OCD fire burning. If you did exposure but followed it up with compulsions, such as this post, the OCD would keep growing. When you do ERP properly, you're going to feel uncomfortable. That's intentional. It's like the burn in your muscles when lifting weights. Only after a while will the distress go down. And it takes multiple erp repetitions to have the distress not flare up at all

I got to the point that my anxiety was so high I couldn’t bring myself to exercise. When I would tho, it would help reduce the stress, but it would just come right back, because the cause, the lack of feeling and doubt given no spark, was not being addressed by exercise. I am about fixing stuff, not placating. Yes placating has its place, but in this situation that was nowhere near enough to help me continue moving forward. Sorry if I sound negative but that’s my story. It’s not like I didn’t try my best...I wanted to stay. The fact that I’m on here is still me trying to make an effort to understand. I even got more constipated than normal, woke up stressed or angry every day, and had a constant headache - signs of stress. Now those things are better. ...this grieving process sucks. The what-ifs suck. The anxiety and sadness stemming from the idea that I’ll never get him back sucks. He was amazing. But after numerous cycles I just feel I have to date other people and that’s the only way I’ll know. BUT, I’m also on here because I’ve dealt and still deal with other types of ocd too. So I figure while the stress is lower on the scale, I can better apply the exercises and therapies, and maybe rocd will be easier to handle if I ever deal with it again, which hopefully I will just have peaceful relationships going forward.