I feel gay. I physically feel gay. I’m so angry and wanna cry and hate this with a fucking passion. Why can’t I be straight. I want to be straight. I’m so scared I’m attracted to girls butts and always get intrusive images of grabbing them and squeezing them and they make me want to cry. What the actual fuck.

Idek. No? Idk what’s real and what’s not anymore.

No I don’t. I get groinal responses and that’s what makes me scared that I secretly like it when my mind goes “no gross”

From what I said does it sound like I’m bi or a lesbian?

@annehatesocd we can not know however have you tried not reacting to the thoughts, I know it is extremely hard with ocd, but accepting that there are thousands of things that go through our minds and that we would not follow through most of them helps ease the anxiety

@hilaly at least it does for me

@hilaly From what I said does this even sound like ocd or am I just gay?

@annehatesocd Can I ask you something, you dont have to answer, do you have a stand against homosexuality, like is it wrong for you that others are homosexual? or just the tought that you are gay is bad?

@hilaly No not at all! I don’t think being gay is bad at all! My best friend is bi, I was a cheerleader so I knew tons of gay guys and girls! I figured out what being gay was at 7 lol! I stand firm that love is love! I personally just don’t want to be with a girl or do anything with a girl. The thought makes me shutter, but then I get groinal responses and I don’t understand it. I’ve always wanted to be with a guy, have been in love with guys, have had crushes since I was 5, and have been turned on by guys. It just doesn’t make sense for me.

@annehatesocd Not only is it something we want but it’s also just natural! We just crush on guys and develop feelings. At least I did. I loved the butterflies they gave me, I loved going to school and looked forward to the next class because of my crush. It’s things like that.

@annehatesocd so what makes the thought so awful for you if its okay for someone else?

@advice? Does it sound like I’m gay? And same as a kid I always felt towards guys and my body always responded to them so Idek

@hilaly Because it’s intrusive and unwanted? That’s what ocd is.

@hilaly Cause I don’t want it. I don’t want to be sexual or intimate with a girl.

Ohhhh then if that’s the case, it’s cause my biggest goal and dream in life is to have a house, get married to a guy, have kids and live that life. Soooooo

It’s having control of my future I believe

@hilaly I’m sorry what you’re saying is making me cry so hard and trigger me a ton. I hate to think that. I don’t want that, at all. This is really triggering me rn

@annehatesocd I am so sorry

@hilaly I apologise that was not my intention, I do not say that because I think that is the case, I even thought otherwise that you were most likely straight from the beginning

@hilaly I don’t think you fully comprehend this type of ocd. I don’t mean to be rude or explain it to you. Telling someone it’s okay doesn’t help us. We get it’s okay. I completely understand. I was raised in a liberal family and have friends who would love me regardless. I don’t want these thoughts, I find them gross and intrusive and I hate life cause of them. Gay people enjoy these thoughts and are sad they can’t live them out cause of not being accepted. I’m not like that. I DONT want to live them out. So please, saying these things really really triggers me.

@annehatesocd I apologise I take it back I was very inconsiderate

@hilaly I’m sorry I didn’t read that text before I typed the one above! Lol I now know you were just trying to not give me reassurance. I get very defensive I’m soo very sorry!!

@annehatesocd yes I read it was bad to give reassurance, I am sorry again for being inconsiderate :)