hate_ocd.123
- Date posted
- 5y
Ocdboy2121Ocdboy2121
- Date posted
- 5y
I mean I’m actually gay and I have OCD about being heterosexual
hate_ocd.123hate_ocd.123
- Date posted
- 5y
Did you always like guys? Since you were a kid?? I’ve always liked guys since I was a kid and I’m now just so lost :(
Ocdboy2121Ocdboy2121
- Date posted
- 5y
@annehatesocd I thought I liked girls until I was like 11. Can you remind me of your situation so I can give you advice?
hate_ocd.123hate_ocd.123
- Date posted
- 5y
@mattparisien Okay so it’s kind of very very long. My whole life I’ve been straight. At nine I was sexually assaulted and witnessed my best friend get raped and 7 other girls get sexually assaulted as well, so that fucked me up. I had ocd before that. And then I always liked guys. Always knew what being gay was since I was seven. I was raised in a very accepting family and my best friend is bi and was raised around gay people (cheerleading lol). But I always liked guys. When I was 11 I had a crush on this boy and wanted him to pick me up and felt giddy and accomplished when he did. My mom once asked me at 11 if I liked girls cause she asked if I liked boys and I said “no that’s gross” then she asked about girls and I said “no that’s even grosser”. Than when I was 12 I was obsessed with big youtubers. I had my first sexual dream about a guy. And this guy I liked called me a lesbian and I obsessed for like a day but I came to the conclusion I wasn’t and went back to liking this boy (that was when I was 12). After that, at like 13, I watched a video of Connor Franta coming out video and he said “I had this random question in my head, am I gay at 12.” And I started freaking out. ever since then I go through spurts where I obsess if I’m gay or not. And it’s been awful. This time my ex (a guy whom was my constant reassurance) left and I spiraled and it feels so real. Now with the thoughts, hocd has made me feel physically gay. I have intrusive thoughts of grabbing a girls butt and squeezing it and it gives me so much anxiety and I hate them. I want them gone. The thought of kissing a girl grosses me out and I could never. (I mean I could but I’d hate it and probs have an anxiety attack) I’ve cried a ton and feel insanely depressed and lost. I’m so terrified I’m a lesbian. I just really, insanely don’t want this at all. As a kid I had crushes on boys. Chased boys on the playground in kindergarten, kissed them (as kids and now), had crushes, called them cute in first grade, was obsessed with the Ken Barbie doll, loved gossiping about them and everything. I also really liked the movie Thor when I hated superhero movies cause they’re too “boyish” and “dumb” but I loved Thor and it’s cause I loved how he looked. I found him so attractive lol. So all of this confuses me and before this I remmeber thinking about guys and stuff. Even when it wasn’t that bad and had gone away when I was 15 I thought about marry boys or choosing a certain boy over all the ones that liked me, making out with guys and everything. I hate it this so much. :/ Do I sound gay at all? :/
hate_ocd.123hate_ocd.123
- Date posted
- 5y
@mattparisien Also the thought of kissing a girl and liking it makes me cry so much cause that’s not what I want. And the thought of kissing a girl gives me an anxiety attack lol or well makes my heart pound very fast.
hate_ocd.123hate_ocd.123
- Date posted
- 5y
@mattparisien Is that how you thought it was with you and guys?? Or did you enjoy the thought of kissing them, like it didn’t give you an anxiety attack?
Ocdboy2121Ocdboy2121
- Date posted
- 5y
@annehatesocd Aw honey. I’m sorry to hear about your past, your a real fighter!!! Remember that. I enjoyed the thought of kissing them, but I don’t want you to compare yourself to me. Your showing classic ocd symptoms and the best thing for you to do is to accept the uncertainty and sit in the middle. I know it feels horrible to do his and it’s easy to say, but if you start now and face the uncertainty it’ll get easier with time. I truly believe this is your OCD talking. You can do this
Ocdboy2121Ocdboy2121
- Date posted
- 5y
@annehatesocd Thank you for sharing your story!!
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
@annehatesocd idk if i should be commenting this but i also have hocd and this have me anxiety because (ik i am young) but i’m about to be 15 in two weeks and i’ve never had a sexual dream or anything. and tbh until my hocd i never thought about sex at all. and i don’t have the desire as of rn to have sex and it freaks me out because everyone else i know is out here sneaking around doing everything sexual with people. i’m pretty sure part of this is because i’m insecure and have anxiety. it’s not that i don’t want to have sex or do anything like that but i’m scared they’re gonna say something about my body (which i’m insecure about) or they’ll say i was bad at what i did or something like that. so all in all what’s been triggering me as of recently is the fact that i’m almost 15 and i’ve never had any desire to have sex and i’m scared to. so it’s making me think i don’t actually like boys. but i’ve liked them my whole life and before i always wanted a boyfriend and since hocd i have no desire to have a bf. it’s not that i don’t want one but just all the guys around me don’t seem right for me and some of them i even flirt with and i like it but then i realize i wouldn’t date them and then i get triggered because it again makes me think i don’t actually like guys
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf I'm going to turn 14 this year and I can relate to a lot of things you have said
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile glad someone in my age range can relate. i feel so alone sometimes because i feel like no one our age experiences this
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf Same, almost everybody are kind of old around here and it's hard for them to understand the situation I'm in :(
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile me too
hate_ocd.123hate_ocd.123
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf I’m 17! I’ve been dealing with this on and off since 13! I know a few 13 year olds who have dealt with this, so don’t feel alone at all!:)
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
@annehatesocd i just made the mistake of looking up what a asexuality is and it triggered my hocd. ik i’m young but like i said everyone else my age wants to have sex and do all that and i don’t. as of right now i dont. well it’s like i do but i feel better not doing any of it because 1. i’m scared of getting caught by my parents and 2. i’m very insecure. and i’ve thought of guys sexually before and liked it but that was right before all my hocd started so now i do but my ocd makes me think i’m forcing it and i don’t like it. idk this sucks it’s like i wanna grow up and stop being insecure so i can test it
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf Same I feel you but you're gonna be ok
syl47syl47
- Date posted
- 1y
@kaysf hello, im in the same situation right now how do you feal today?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@annehatesocd ok so as a kid, I always like boys. As a child I was obsessive. I was obsessed and liked spending my time with both the sexes (more with girls) I also had weird fantasies with boys. In third grade I developed body dismorphia, eating disorders and general anxiety disorder, which is still a part of me and I had depression because of my dad and constant bullying at school. This was around the time I started watching cartoon shows a lot to cope with everything. In one of them, there was the representation of lesbianism, I didn't understand at first. I was kind of sad but somehow also attracted to one of the lesbian characters. The reason I suppose was because she looked extremely boyish and had a masculine voice. I wasn't obsessed with her but whenever she was on screen I'd feel extremely fascinated by her. At the age of 9 I hit puberty and got an idea of the LGBT community. I supported it since then. I knew what being gay and lesbian meant but I never felt that way so I brushed it off. At the age of 11 I started thinking of guys sexually and that felt very good. One day, I suddenly thought "do I get attracted to girls too?" Since then I had a feeling of "am I really straight?" But I didn't pay attention to the thoughts though it was kind of bothersome. I also never had a problem being biromantic or heteroflexible so I was open to the possibility. But I was also low-key scared that I'm gonna turn completely gay. I would always skip parts whenever lesbians were kissing in shows or videogames. Idk why but I somehow got weirded out by those. At age 12 I was still obsessed with the thoughts of how I probably liked both genders though I never had any fantasies about girls. I only got physical attraction to girls that were very manly looking. But I was still low-key worried about my actual sexuality. I guess this is when I developed HOCD but wasn't so big. I was still attracted to guys and had healthy fantasies about them. During August of last year, I was extremely sick for which I had to stay at home. During this time I was almost always on my phone and watched social media. One day I saw this really masculine girl on TikTok and I was extremely fascinated by her. I got a thought of being bisexual. Later that night, I had this thought like "what if I'm gay and denying it?". My brain could not handle what I had told myself and I brokedown into worry and tears. The next morning, i was having auditory hallucinations of words repeating "i'm gay" endlessly. I lost my attraction to boys and I was desperately trying to get it back. I was having severe panic attacks throughout the day. I came out to my mom in fear. She got super mad at me (she's is partially toxic) A month later, everything got better. I got my attraction to boys back though I was still checking and having compulsions. But a month later it came back like a storm. Since then it has been like this. And thank you so much if you do read this!! :)
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
I just came back to see if anybody even read this lol and I see one heart so I guess :)
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Reading all of the others stories makes me want to share my own story too
kaysfkaysf
- Date posted
- 5y
as in your ocd story?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@kaysf Yeah!
hate_ocd.123hate_ocd.123
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile No judgement here! I’m sure many of us would love to hear:)
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- Date posted
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