Is it really possible to screw up ur sexuality? Like everyrhinf was clear and good and normal and just so extremely good and i was happy with everything and then this crashed and i feel like it desdass ruined my hormones or something like idek whats going on? How is it that 2 years ago i look at harry styles and my heart jumps and i wanna be with him and my mind was healthy and clear and 2 years later i feel nothinggg for him my hearts empty i feel broken and empty. Why is it that i dont feel something that SHOULD be there

Almost same. I always suspected I'm slightly bisexual but after HOCD feels like I'm lying to myself and denying I'm gay

@chamomile I dont wanna be bi or gay, but feels like want it all. lol

@elleeen I can feel you on both especially the gay one. I don't want to be completely gay either. I have no problems being slightly bisexual (aka heteroflexible) but whenever I tell my self I'm heteroflexible I feel like I'm denying I'm gay ugh I hate this. My stomach churns everytime I think about being completely gay

@chamomile im exhausted

@elleeen Same. Who knew my realization about me not being completely straight would give birth to this horrible subset. Do you still have attraction to the opposite sex?

@chamomile yes sometimes. Idk, i dont care about a shit anymore. Im just an awful person. Sometimes i lose my attraction towards my boyfriend

@elleeen Wow...how do you deal with this. My lack of attraction for boys is making me cry like somehow I get attracted to a very manly androgynous female fictional character but not to a boy, which were my primary attraction since I was a kid :(

@chamomile idk try not to care. I got very triggerd now because i saw that she wrote if u aren’t attracted to your boyfriend thats more serious. Im not always attracted and thats normal, so im panicking. But to answer ur question, i just let it come and go.

@elleeen Oh I see thanks for the advice :) i be been triggered about my attraction to androgynous females since yesterday. I sometimes feel like I'm bi, sometimes gay and on some days I'm staright/heteroflexible and happy, I had an extreme crush on a boy, since a few days I'm not having any attraction to him at all and it's scaring me that I'm gay

@chamomile hate my life

@elleeen Same, I sometimes also feel like dying ?

I did analazy it, but for example i used to think his hands and lips were verg attractive.. there arent rlly any new things that i like it basically stopped after hocd so idk i feel so weird not liking boys so much.

@hocdgirlsummer So the difference is that you don't feel the attraction at the same intensity... but you still like boys. I am not an expert, but maybe you just changed a bit... I don't think it's something to worry about. Maybe you just have to be patient until you find that guy that you're gonna be crazy about. Just think positively about this and don't worry too much, ok? You're gonna be fine :)

@Kitty99 Ahw thank u so much! I really hope things turn out like that. I wanna worry less but its just that i cant feel that void im feeling. I didnt expect not feeling something for someone would like have this impact on me. But i for example dont really feel cute or pretty anymore or when i try to get dressed its like, why am i doing this i wish there was someone who admired it and who i would enjoy their admiring. Or with songs they dont slap anymore because i cant think about someone lol . Its a bit complicated but ill defenitly try to be more postive and worry less! Thankk you so mych for commenting :)

@hocdgirlsummer You're welcome! :) Trust me, you don't have to wear pretty clothes for someone... You should wear them for yourself. People are gonna notice you and even if they don't that doesn't mean you're not pretty... maybe they've got their own problems. If you feel pretty wearing some clothes and you think it suits you and the colours are nice then that's what it matters. And about the songs, see the positive part of it. You can think of a specific person while listening to a song... but what if you're gonna have a fight with that person? You're gonna stop listening to the song because of how it makes you feel and the bad memories. And that's worse than not having a certain person to think of. Just enjoy that song, the music, the lyrics, feel it, dance on it, do whatever you want... but smile and enjoy it! :)

@Kitty99 U give the best advice, its just what i needed truly thank u so much ??X

Yeah. I don’t know what to do. I’m just sitting here hoping im not, but it just feels like that and that im denying it

@elleeen Yeah same. Seems like I denied my true self because I lived in a heteronormative society. Like I could accept myself as bi/heteroflexible if I still had my strong attraction for boys. But now that I don't have it, i feel so fucking gay :(

@chamomile yes me too. Best wishes to you, i have given up.

@elleeen I feel like giving up too. Like why can't I be attracted to both at the least, my heart wants boys and my mind wants girls. You know I don't even smile at the thought of a boy. I don't think much about a girl but when I do my heart feels heavy and I kind of get that similar feeling of fluttery I had when I still liked boys. I hate myself right now so much. I feel gay and I wanna die

@elleeen I also just did an ERP exercise but my distress levels were way high up :(

@chamomile Jup me too. This is shit

@elleeen I even dreamt about one of crushes at school in the morning. I remember constantly looking at him and it was feeling good. Then I woke up and my nightmare started along with it too ??

@chamomile I feel sorry for you, i wish i could say something to make u feel better or give you advice. But i’m so lost so i don’t know anymore.

@elleeen Same. I don't have any ability to help others nor myself. Can I ask you something?

Yeah i thought this too but there for sure are boys who i normally would be attravted to like rlly my type but idk theg dont make me feel anything? I think with harry its the case indeed but idk its veeery rare i truly like a boy now and i miss the feelinggs of being in love.

@hocdgirlsummer Relate to you so much :(

Well if its fluid what do i like now? Did i become asexual or something. Like nah i honestly dont believe this deadass because i used to be happy and it kinda makes sense that if i analyzed my attraction so much to the point where its hiding under anxiety and thats what therapists tell me. So idk but i never heard of people who suddenly didnt like guys or girls anymore and then jusr were okay with it? I know jm not asexual because I defenitly had feelings for guys so... and i miss them and i desire them which asexual ppl dont do

@hocdgirlsummer And girls are not an option trust me

Having a fluid sexuality is scary I mean i lost attraction for boys ever since HOCD and now being bisexual feels bad. I don't mind it but currently I don't want to be that way. It kind of hurts my chest to know I turned gay/bi from straight like doesn't feel good.

@chamomile Currently I don't want to be attracted to girls. Before HOCD I had a primary preference for boys and that's what I want it to be right now. Fluid sexuality is somehow very scary to me

@chamomile Me too, this is awful. Nothing towards boys nothing towards my boyfriend, it feels so real. I have to be gay, theres no other way.

@chamomile Also not that I mind being bisexual, it's the thought of being primarily attracted to girls that scares me. Before HOCD I knew I wasn't completely straight but since I didn't have much experience with the same sex, I identified straight.

@chamomile I have never even thought about being gay, until hocd if it is hocd. I have given up, i can’t deal with this horrible shit.

@elleeen Same. But I did have bisexual tendencies which made me realize Im not completely straight and I was fine with it too because I knew I'm still strongly attracted to boys. But now it's soo bothersome like I don't want to feel bi. I just wish to be straight!!!:(

@chamomile it’s okey. Just breathe.

@elleeen I'm trying to breathe but everytime I do it hurts

Same. I didn't go to school today from the fear of actually getting attracted to girls like I want boys, this disorder has fucked me up

@chamomile Yes same. I didn’t go to school either. Im starting to believe this is me accepting being gay because im so fucking depressed

@elleeen Like how come my preference for boys just went out like poof? I don't get attracted to them at all. Im only able to get attracted to manly looking females and it's hurting my chest so bad, like it feels extremely heavy. Idk what to do about it, I want to cry my eyes out at the thought that I primarily like only girls. Like I don't want that. I know that my past experiences with boys were real and I definitely had them. But now I believe I never did and it hurts me so bad!!!

@chamomile Yes me too. Sorry to hear, but im in the same place as you. I have no hope and i cant give you any advice. It hurts pretty bad

Before HOCD did you ever have sexual/wet dreams about boys?

@chamomile Can’t remember. why

@elleeen No just asked. I had them but my brain believes I never did and they were all fake :(

@elleeen I'm honestly so sorry for asking you that. I shouldn't have. :(

@chamomile Why? its okey, i didn’t get triggerd. Im numb to everything so thats okey

@elleeen I just felt like you were mad at me for asking you that. I'm numb to everything too but at the same time hurts me

@chamomile yes same. No i didnt get mad, its okey.

@elleeen My anxiety calmed down a bit. I'm feeling a bit better than I was but I still somehow feel sad

@chamomile same :( Thats good we are calmer

@elleeen I just feel irritated but not so anxious. Right now my mood's kind of like "meh ok" but I'm still low-key scared this is me accepting I'm gay

@chamomile I can relate

@elleeen Ikr. Now that I think about I've had HOCD for so long but only realized it a few months ago. I was always I mean always low-key scared I'm gay or sum

@chamomile It doesn’t mean anything.