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- 5y
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- 5y
Same. Even though I had bi tendencies before HOCD I always liked boys. I am so fucking I was gay all along and I never knew. I feel like I forced myself to like them and was in compulsory heterosexuality. I fucking hate this disorder
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- 5y
I’ve never considered myself bi, but I do have fears that my history is proof that I’ve been gay all along and in denial. So I hear you.
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- 5y
@ginac Yeah something I fear too but I also can't tell myself I never had crushes on boys which I did
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- 5y
@ta I had a crush on a female androgynous character fr a cartoon when I was kid (she was my only female crush ever). At the age of 11 I realized I wasn't completely straight and that there was high possibility of me being heteroflexible/bi. But I still had extremely strong attraction for boys which is why I identified straight mostly
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- 5y
@ta Well if you don't enjoy it then it definitely means you don't have bi tendencies. One thing, I have always found androgynous boyish girls really attractive, I never worried about it much though I was low-key scared that meant I'm gay. But I had and still have strong attraction for boys.
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- 5y
@ta At my current stage of HOCD im scared that I'm completely gay and I'll never be heterosexual again so now I pray everyday im straight. It scary since I've lost my attraction for boys and that means I'm gay or something
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- 5y
@ta Same I can understand. I don't feel bad thinking about fictional female androgynous character but I'm somehow uncomfortable thinking about actual girls. I feel so gay it's almost killing me :(
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- 5y
@ta Kind of feels good to imagine with fictional ones but I can't imagine it with someone real
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- 5y
@ta I mostly think it's because fictional female androgynous characters look a lot like boys so It doesn't feel like I'm kissing an actual girl
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- 5y
@ta I identify as heteroflexible
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- 5y
Comment deleted by user
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- 5y
Heteroflexibility means you're primarily attracted to the opposite sex like 90% but you can still get attracted to the same sex like 10%
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- 5y
@ta Well if you don't like women or the thoughts you aren't gay or bi. I consider myself heteroflexible since Ive only liked boys but I was also attracted to fictional female characters. But the thing is I don't actually feel attracted to girls irl
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- 5y
@ta My feeling with real androgynous females touching me is kind of disgusting. Like I don't want that irl. Btw The character is Haruka Tenou
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- 5y
@ta No not a single one
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- 5y
@ta Well I had one or two kissing fantasies but they were only with fictional female characters
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- 5y
@ta But I'm straight for the most part :)
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w
Can hocd create mental feelings or things that resemble inclinations Without a physical response?, but such as arousal and mental attraction, for example, I have so ocd and I'm afraid that I might like women.So, in the last period, when I look at photos of girls, especially beautiful ones, I feel something strange or attracted,sometimes their bodies.And I'm confused as to what that might mean, it's like sexual orientation, is this from me or OCD produced by it?'The feeling is like the feeling of discovering new inclinations and this breaks me, I just want to reconcile with myself in any sexual orientation or identity, but I just can't feel comfortable and reconcile with the fact that I may like women or it may happen in the future.And I have these feelings that telling me messing around the girls would be fun, and I feel something like desire, but I never come to terms with this.. I'm going to be 15 years old, I know, I'm not supposed to think like that, I don't have the right to determine who I am now because im young, and I shouldn't continue to dream of marrying a man..My mind keeps reminding me of the fact that I'm a teenager and the likelihood that everything will change is high, but right now, I'm not asking for anything but rest.I want to love myself and reconcile with her.
- Date posted
- 17w
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
- Date posted
- 9w
Hey everyone I’ve been doing good lately. I have an ocd therapist and I’m working on myself. Haven’t been doing as many compulsions or checks The last couple days I feel like I lost physical attraction to my wife and my mind says it’s because I’m gay. At this point I’ve been going back and forth on this for years so I’m more accepting but it still freaks me out. Then I noticed a coworker who is define as an attractive guy and thought about what it be like to be gay with him. It didn’t seem horrible but it seemed off somehow. Fast forward I tried gay porn…..again. At first like always it did nothing but I kept like making mental accommodations and trying to physically put myself in the situation. Then all the sudden I ejaculated. Sorry if too graphic. It’s happened before like that but I don’t get why. I feel horrible after it happens too. Anyway I tried straight porn to balance it out and it took forever. Maybe I just need to accept I am gay or not totally straight. I notice attractive guys and girls but I dream about my wife/girls, feel more comfortable thinking about a heterosexual relationship and can’t like get aroused to guys outside of porn. Can anyone relate? What does this mean? I might be seeking reassurance but need help
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