tf is heteroflexibilty?

Isnt that kind of a bisexuality?

@Ionut Kind of yeah but you're still mostly straight

@chamomile Holy shit this is what I am lmao I thought I was bisexual. That’s cool to learn

@magical-thinking-kanna I realized it about a year ago but i was low-key scared I was gay so I denied it for a long time. I have HOCD and I'm still scared I'm gay :(

@chamomile Aw I’m sorry, I don’t know much about HOCD but if need to talk I’m here. I have a completely different type OCD

@magical-thinking-kanna Oh what type of OCD do you have?

@chamomile magical thinking, super intense intrusive thoughts

@magical-thinking-kanna I have GAD, HOCD, ROCD, hygiene OCD. Can I ask you something?

@Chamomile? Oh man, yeah sure

@magical-thinking-kanna You're heteroflexible just like me right?

@Chamomile? Just found out but yeah, I’m pretty sure I am

@magical-thinking-kanna Well the thing is ever since I got HOCD I've lost attraction for boys so much I feel like I forced myself to like them. I don't want to be completely gay at all. Idk why I'm uncomfortable thinking about actual girl but I'm somehow ok thinking about fictional female characters. Is that bad? In your opinion? :(

@Chamomile? I go crazy for female fictional characters, like, CRAZY. Yet in real life, I’m 95% straight and have a boyfriend. To me, fictional characters are completely off the table to decide my sexuality. The way the characters look and are drawn, like say anime characters, they aren’t realistic to a human look at all. So how is me finding a female anime character attractive make me gay, you know? I truly don’t know what having HOCD is like, but I hope what I said doesn’t trigger or just reassure you

@magical-thinking-kanna It made me kind of happy cause I have the same case. And do you watch anime? :)

@magical-thinking-kanna Idk why I'm so happy that it's almost making chest swell ?

@Chamomile? Aw haha, yeah I love anime! ?

@magical-thinking-kanna Have you ever watched sailor moon? My first female crush was from there ?

@Chamomile? Omg no but I should. I even have sailor moon earrings and shit like that LOL but haven’t watched, yet

@magical-thinking-kanna Omg you really should. Idk but I think you'll fall in love with the character I have a crush on ?

Don't pressure yourself. Think of it calmly and then decide :)

@Chamomile? I dont have anything to decide

@Ionut Oh I see, well if you aren't comfortable with gay thought you are not gay. Thats my conclusion :)

@Chamomile? I hope you’re right.. the thing is that i speent almost 9 years thinking i was gay and watching porn and .. idk but it just didnt feel right and idk natural somehow . Last year i was in a kind of a thing with a boy i thought i crushed on him. I got into bad shit like the worst anxiety of my life. And we got to the point he almost kissed me and i was like nah man . After that i started realising that shit ain’t for me. I started workin out and sudeen most and i mean (REALLY MOST) of the gay thoughts disappeared.

@Ionut After that i started having crushes in girl feeling aroused with girls feeling more healthy ( before i was VEERY SKINNY ILL SKINNY) .. the gay shit felt like a DARK SIDEEE (no that i say gay are devils or skmething but mine felt something like EVIL MENTALITY OR SOMETHING tbh i was very submissive.. some problems with a abusive father in my childhood..) ans stuff yeah

@Ionut Oh boy you seem straight like an arrow. Damn that seems like it was hard :( I'm sorry for you dude.

@Ionut I also had an abusive though he now preaches god and has become a bit passive and I can feel you. From a young age I always liked guys like even when I didn't know what a bf was. After HOCD it has almost become second nature to me cause I lost attraction :(. I feel so much more natural with guys like touching them felt great now I'm so numb it hurts :(

@Chamomile? I meant abusive dad sorry!!

@Ionut Hey! Um would it be weird if I asked you something? It's kind of personal and could trigger you

So when you thought you were "gay" did you naturally have feelings for boys? I suppose not right?

The thing is I've always liked guys since I was young but my HOCD has now convinced me I never like guys which is getting me very triggered and sad.

@Chamomile? Emotionally not really Thats the thing emotionally i wasnt attracted i mean there were times when i was like ok man im probably gay so yeah i think i would like it but no. I always prayed and felt that emotionally i am definetly into women

@Ionut I still remember bein in kindergarten and buying candy hearts for my crush ( it was valentine s day) and i was like idk 5-6? My dad cheated on my mother in that period he brought me to his mistress appartament. I saw them together then i told mom and somehow idk i showed her the way and the appart number ( it was out of our city) idk and then dad started screaming and being very violent to mom and i still remember her coming in my bedroom crying and idk and i think im not sure that maybe i got some kind of wish of dominance or i really dont know i dont want to think too much about it cause im kinda over t but yeah. Plus in my childhood and it s kinda triggering i used to play with dolls and do girls games and stuff so that doesnt help really my hocd idk )) idk i just changed i mean now if i would be kid again i would definetly be another person i changed

@Ionut I see well emotionally I've always been connected with guys and after puberty I sexually liked thinking about them. From a young age I remember I imagined kissing boys and that felt good to me. My HOCD now convinced me I don't like guys and I always forced myself :( I hate this damn disorder

@Chamomile? It can be quie shitty. I just saw a meme with a hairy muscled guy i got A GREAT ANXIETY i also got a small gronial..i remembered what i used to watch.. yeah it’s pretty hard..

@Ionut Oh well I really just hope I'm actually straight and not secretly gay or something. That thought makes me sick

@Chamomile? Me too... i just woke up from having a dream where my dad tried to convince me to do stuff.. God I haye my thoughts my dreams everything that involves me in gay shit. I think it’s because of our last night discution..it imprinted in my subconscious..

@Ionut I had a super weird dream a few days ago where a girl forced me to have sex with I was disgusted but at the same time it gave me groinal responses I was so damn scared I liked it or something.

@Ionut And I'm sorry that I triggered your thoughts like that didn't actually mean to :(

@Ionut Also I had another question for you? It might be triggering again I'm so sorry :(

@chamomile ? Yeah sure . I mean im just gettin ready for bed let’s create sonething brand new:))

@Ionut Did you ever develop feeling for guys and enjoyed sexual thoughts about them? I'm just scared that I'm a repressed lesbian and I'm forcing myself to like guys like you had done. Like what if im just in a false belief I'm straight but I'm actually gay??

@chamomile That sounds like a reassurece which doesnt help at all. Yes as i said before i spent a long time of my life THINKIN I WAS GAY so pretty obvious i used to watch gay shit and somehow like it. but you know sexuallity changes hormones and stuff mentality changes, we grow up. We are teens so we kinda you know are on our ways to discover what we like. No matter what stop always checking what if what if not

@Ionut I'm trying honestly but the thing is if I wasn't straight why would I even question it's been almost 5 years since puberty and not a single time did I think I liked girls especially in that way.

@chamomile i really dont know and thats a thing that augment the hocd always posing questions i mean we all have something to wonder or worry about for someone the qustions is why didn’t they grow in puberty or idk some shots it s just somw neurons bonded to wrong neurons if you don’t use those specific meurons they will die

@Ionut Idk what to do at all. They say that if you're questioning a lot means you're not straight. I'm questioning because of my HOCD. What if Im really not straight? It makes me sad each day.

@chamomile Thats hocd. Take a hocd test if you not that sure. Hocd is a unlimited infinite private colection of continuous unrealistic stupid questions which dont have to be answered at all. Relax. Enjoy life and enjoy the people around you as humain beings not as idk sex toys of which you are pr not attracted . That it’s basically hocd. No gay bi whatever person obsess about OHH NO HAVE I FELT ANYTHING OH NO I FOUND THAT ATTRACTIVE FUCK and go crazy and obsess . So yeah.. stop reassuring yourself and stop doing compulsions, transform your hocd in a BURING FIRE LIKE FOCUSING ON A HOBBY. Do somethin productive at the end of your life when your deatg ghost will come to your past.. it will regret waisting so much time (she is watching u roght now) dont waist your time on bullshits

@Ionut I'm trying but this bitch doesn't shut up. But thank you for your kind words and support. I actually feel a lot better after waking up today :)

@chamomile Happy to hear that! When you feel lost come here and read that message again

@Ionut I will thank you so much :)