I just got a memory back saying when I was 11 I would always jump on this other girls back cause she reacted funny and I always argued with her hair that it was purple when it was red. I liked a guy at the time though, or so I think I did? Idk I’m scared this means I’m a lesbian or that I was flirting with her. I don’t remember ever thinking I had a crush on her tho:( is this normal?? Does this make me a lesbian??

Does this sound like a preteen lesbian just repressing her sexuality?? I’ve always liked guys and thought about marrying and kissing them, and girls I have always called my “sisters” since I was a little girl. This whole thing is so confusing :(

I know I shouldn’t be asking for reassurance I’m just rlly lost and scared

@annehatesocd I cant give you a definite answer. But I’m a young professional and I’ve gone through all of grade school / college with OCD. The people that I know who’re lesbian naturally feel inclined towards woman. It’s not triggers that cause them to think this way but rather something deeply engrained in their sexuality. If these thoughts are arising in almost a formulaic basis then you can assure that it’s your ocd brain.

@guavaslice Oof yes giving me an answer would be reassurance. I’m just scared. I have no problem with gay people, my best friend is bi. I just don’t want to be. I don’t want to date a girl, or have sex with one, or kiss one. The thought of doing that causes me sm anxiety and makes me want to cry:( I hate this. I can’t tell what’s ocd and what’s not anymore. Any types of feelings for guys I once had are put the door.

@annehatesocd Don’t worry! The fact that your best friend is bi and you know what you like and don’t like is already a big indicator that the unease you feel is due to your ocd. What further reinforces that fact is that it’s a small anxiety that’s triggering you. Minor anxieties like that affect everybody but they usually get over it automatically, if you’re ruminating over it constantly then you can point out that it’s your ocd. Use that knowledge to your advantage.

But does this memory sound like something a normal straight 11 year old girl would do??:(

@annehatesocd Well based on the feelings you actually had and the way this memory is acting as a trigger, it sounds like ocd is playing games with you. The memory itself doesn’t seem like something that would explain what someone’s sexuality is

I’m scared I just acted like I liked her and wasn’t aware of it :(