Last time I STUPIDLY relaxed, I was kicked out unexpectedly by someone I was with for 10 years. He made me leave with no warning signs the relationship would end, cheated on me and took my rent money for a holiday to avoid me and my rage. I do not accept uncertainty anymore. Absolutely never. I want to KNOW I won’t be dumped. If I am I’ll kill myself end of. I can’t get over my std fears unless I get tested again. I’m convinced I have infected myself my partner will think I cheated when I DIDNT and he won’t believe me and he will OBVIOUSLY LEAVE ME

Yeah, I know he’s a douche! I’m just not prepared to go through that again. Feels dramatic to call it trauma though, does that count as trauma even? I did lose 10lbs in a week and did a shit tin of cocaine and also my face swelled up from stress lol ?

@uwotm8 Sounds like trauma to me!! Ha

@Ocdandme123 I always thought trauma was just abuse like sexual abuse or beatinngs etc lol ?

I didn’t flag it. I know the anger and sadness you are feeling and I feel that way about being a lesbian. I’d rather die. Both of our ocd needs us to accept uncertainty. It’s hard and it scares me to do it but it will help us :(

@Ocdandme123 No no I had other posts flagged so I just deleted them. I just wanna be happy and feel secure and I truly don’t. Doesn’t help that my partner now has a crazy ex and she was causing issues last year so he kept saying he felt he should stop seeing me out of fairness

@Ocdandme123 I feel so lost!!

@uwotm8 Relationships are so damn hard. Mine is on the rocks right now because of how bad my ocd is. It’s really really bad. He’s afraid of me leaving him to be with girls which fuckkng sucks. Just gotta take one day at a time! Also ex girlfriends suck. I don’t like his exes either lol

@Ocdandme123 She’s been violent to him both in their relationship and since he left her and is with me...she showed up the other day too. Stalked me online found out where I work etc

@uwotm8 Maybe get a ppo if it gets too bad

@Ocdandme123 What’s that?

@uwotm8 Restraining order! But obviously only if it’s gets bad and excessive lol I don’t know how nuts she is

@Ocdandme123 I cant, he owns a business with her

@uwotm8 Oh shitttt ? I’m sorry that stinks

@Ocdandme123 I do sometimes wonder if I have bpd triggered by my ex tbh It seems to resonate with me. I’ve done a few online tests (I know that’s not a diagnosis but it’s given me some kind of idea) because to me, being abandoned is LITERALLY the WORST thing I can imagine. I love him too much. It scares me more than death. I CAN accept the thought of dropping dead at random but I can’t accept the thought of being dumped at random. When I had my high risk hpv diagnoses (the hpv that can cause cancer) all I heard was “omg HPV? That causes warts? I’ll give him warts, he will leave me” When I called the helpline, they said no no we don’t test for the strain that causes warts, we only test the kind that causes cancer” and I honestly breathed a sigh of relief because if I ever did develop cervical cancer, people aren’t gonna leave me then, but warts yeah they probably would and I can’t accept that

@uwotm8 Well I can tell you last year this time I was diagnosed with hpv and I had a freak out just like you! I had to tell my bf who I’m with now and I was mortified. I have my year annual Monday and I get to see if it got worse or went away and I’m nervous! I’m right there with you sista!

@Ocdandme123 I have to go back in 5 ish months too He actually wasn’t bothered by the hpv but I was fucking devastated by it

@uwotm8 Mine wasn’t bothered by it either. He’s a great man and I pray to god everyday this hocd doesn’t take him from me. I’m crippling scared. It’s almost so bad I can’t function.

@Ocdandme123 And I hope my stupid std fear does t with mine either. He’s the first good guy I have been with I think it’s why I panic so much he will leave

@uwotm8 Me too. All my exes SUCKED and I just never want to lose this one. 1. Lose him regardless 2. Lose him by me wanting to be with girls ??‍♀️??