I just don't know what this is anymore it feels so real HELP My relationships always last barely a month and maybe just a tad more than that sometimes....I've met an incredible guy he's a little lanky but has the most amazing face and when we met I felt something I had never felt before and that lasted fro an incredible two/three months....however, all was well and I looked forward to seeing him everyday and thought that maybe this time I had done something right...that was until I did what I always do and triggered the thought "what if I don't think he's attractive?". He clearly is and I know I think so but this sent me into an anxious spiral about whether or not my relationship was working or right or my partner was good enough (which is dumb bc he is and at first I was worried I wasn't good enough for him!)....My parents and friends have noted that this tends to happen in every relationship I've been in and this fear cycle of judgement and unsatisfaction brings me to think negatively about my partner and feel scared and repulsed sometimes....I'm so scared and don't know why this keeps happening to me especially with a guy that I felt os special about....I've struggled with severe anxiety my whole life and have also exhibited lots of symptoms associated with HOCD, ROCD, and Pure O throughout my life (most recently I've been known to post here and on NOCD multiple times within a week and asking for reassurance about every five seconds from loved ones )....I'm scared I'm just lying to myself or forcing myself to be in a relationship that is not right for me but I want it to be right so bad bc it was! Can anyone relate? I want to start my healing journey but I need to know what is going on in my head first bc it all feels so real and I'm so scared...even scared to post this right noe

have you ever felt just repulsed by thinking about your relationship?? does that happen in rocd??

I’ve met some people that have experienced it it just scares me enough to panic

@hopeful4healing yeah, however i broke up with my boyfriend because of these feelings - there were other factors tho, eg being at different paces, me not being ready for anything serious which caused this. but yeah with rocd i think the intense anxiety can cause repulsion since your mind is completely freaking out - and the fact that your thoughts are so trivial yet cause so much anxiety really seems like it’s not genuine doubting - just something ocd is throwing at you. obvs i’m not qualified but this is just what it sounds like

@polllyy thank you! and my obsessions with him are constantly changing

I obsess over other things I’ve done this sort of thing with HOCD and germs and sports too I’ve always been super high anxiety and I think it amplifies in relationships

May I ask why?

@hopeful4healing Because OCD doesn't really come in types. How people respond to uncertainty outside of relationships is often similar to how people respond in relationship

@ocdillustrated I’ve definitely dealt with HOCD before and have done this in every relationship along with obsessional doubts about committing to things-even my college major

@hopeful4healing I’m the same way. Uncertainty while I was looking for jobs last year caused me just about as much anxiety and stress as new relationships always do

@catlady817 have you ever dealt with repulsion worries? do you think it’s rocd related cause I’m hysterical

@hopeful4healing Yeah, kind of. And yeah, I would say if you’re hysterical and rationally there’s not anything going on that should make you feel that way, it’s OCD.

@catlady817 I’d been so worked up and any minute I think it’s not rocd I flip out bc everyone says if you’re repulsed by the other person you have to break up with them so it scares me a lot

@hopeful4healing Feelings, even strong ones like repulsion, don't mean you HAVE TO do anything. They give you information to help you choose how you want to respond. Believe me, my pets have definitely repulsed me sometimes (hello, dog eating cat vomit, then puking it up back in me) but I decided that the feelings are rare enough that they're worth keeping in my life anyways.