Lynnrich
- Date posted
- 5y
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s not you it’s the ocd and your forgiven by God and only God knows that it’s the Ocd!
MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
Tbh it's just a fantasy porm category, it really doesn't say anything about you as a person. Porn has all sorts of fantasies, it doesn't make them real. Porm websites profit on all those fantasies and a lot of people will have seen stuff in those categories which is why there is such an abundant amount of videos with porn actors playing out those roles. OCD is trying to make this about you when its not about you. Its It's just another way for ocd to attack You, believe me I've been there because I used to watch porn with Daddy kinks.
MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
It's not your fault. Its OCD. However, I dont think porn helps. To many of us are exposed to it and our brains latch onto things, mine certainly does. But it doesn't make you a bad person, ocd loved to dig into real life files to prove things about you as a person. You cant listen to that stuff its saying x
LynnrichLynnrich
- Date posted
- 5y
I definitely think porn is bad for people with OCD. I’ve watched it on and off for most of my life, and I’m totally done with it. I just want to feel good again.
LynnrichLynnrich
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m so sorry. The ironic thing is my ocd has changed over the years too
MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
So has mine! My main obsession used to be health anxiety and worrying about cancer (all the time!) And now, I dont care at all if I had cancer. In fact I'd actually take cancer over this theme.
LynnrichLynnrich
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks. I just feel so disgusted by myself and my thoughts
ocdsurvivoremocdsurvivorem
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey Lynnrich, I’m so sorry you’re feeling a lot of shame and guilt about this. I know exactly how you feel. I watched stuff like that in the past and my mind absolutely terrorizes me for it. Know that it’s okay. You mentioned that you think porn is bad for people with OCD and I certainly agree. My fear is that someday I’ll have an insatiable or uncontrollable need to watch something terrible (or even just something I find morally gray). Know that your fear really does show something positive about your character. I have tons of friends who would watch that stuff and wouldn’t bat an eye. OCD can make you feel like you’re out of control but you ARE in control. Even if the shame or guilt tries to tell you otherwise, that doesn’t take your agency away. Maybe you’re like me and you’re afraid you’ll watch something like that again. The fear shows that you DON’T want to do it, so why would you do it in the future? The answer is you won’t. For example, I smoked weed at parties in the past but it made my mental illness worse so I decided I would never do it again. I’m not afraid that someday I’ll be unable to resist weed because I know that’s not what I want. Now of course this logic is harder to apply to obsessions, but just putting it into perspective like this really does help. Remember, you ARE in control and your fear regarding this does not make you a bad person, it just shows your admirable moral standards. I hope that you’ll feel better soon and that you can make peace with your past. You’re not disgusting and please don’t hate yourself for this. Between you and me, I think there are probably a lot of people who have experienced the same thing. I hope this helps!
LynnrichLynnrich
- Date posted
- 5y
@ocdsurvivorem Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I’m taking things day by day and people like you definitely help
MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
I stopped watching it like 2 years ago, but it kicked off my moral OCD and it was really horrible. It still affects me today. But you just have to remember its OCD and not you and also that you're not alone. X
LynnrichLynnrich
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks I appreciate that. If you don’t mind me asking what is moral ocd?
MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 5y
@Lynnrich It's short for moral scrupulosity, I really struggle with worrying if I'm a bad person. I always hope I'm a good person but I'm obsessed with the idea I may be not a good person and it terrifies me. Its my main obsession. It's horrible :(
LynnrichLynnrich
- Date posted
- 5y
Me too. For the first 10 years I had hocd, then for a year or so I was afraid that I was going to die of a heart attack, and now it’s pocd. I would much rather have a serious physical problem than this anyday
Related posts
genicrop09
- Date posted
- 22w
21+ only
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isabellamper...
- Date posted
- 22w
Ruminating about past porn usage
When I was single, I watched a lot of porn, specifically lesbian porn even though I’m straight. When I got into my current relationship I dwindled down and eventually stopped watching porn of any kind, around six or so months ago. I had a flare up recently that has caused me to question every part of myself including my sexuality and my identity, my relationship, and other things that are important and valued to me, and porn keeps popping up in all of these things. I feel like my porn usage was me cheating on my boyfriend, especially in the early parts of our relationship. I broke down to him last month about it and he said it was okay, that he forgives me, but I’m still hung up on it because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve wronged him and that I’m a terrible person and that I need to leave him because of this. This is so excruciatingly painful. I don’t want to keep confessing over and over and over again, but I don’t want to be a dirty lying cheater, which I feel like I am.
Andi 🤓☝️
- Date posted
- 15w
Distressed 18+
I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔
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