So I’m realizing now that I used to watch a lot of teacher/student porn and I feel absolutely disgusting. No wonder I have so much anxiety. I hate myself

POCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

It’s not you it’s the ocd and your forgiven by God and only God knows that it’s the Ocd!

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

Tbh it's just a fantasy porm category, it really doesn't say anything about you as a person. Porn has all sorts of fantasies, it doesn't make them real. Porm websites profit on all those fantasies and a lot of people will have seen stuff in those categories which is why there is such an abundant amount of videos with porn actors playing out those roles. OCD is trying to make this about you when its not about you. Its It's just another way for ocd to attack You, believe me I've been there because I used to watch porn with Daddy kinks.

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

It's not your fault. Its OCD. However, I dont think porn helps. To many of us are exposed to it and our brains latch onto things, mine certainly does. But it doesn't make you a bad person, ocd loved to dig into real life files to prove things about you as a person. You cant listen to that stuff its saying x

Lynnrich

Date posted: 5y

I definitely think porn is bad for people with OCD. I’ve watched it on and off for most of my life, and I’m totally done with it. I just want to feel good again.

Lynnrich

Date posted: 5y

I’m so sorry. The ironic thing is my ocd has changed over the years too

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

So has mine! My main obsession used to be health anxiety and worrying about cancer (all the time!) And now, I dont care at all if I had cancer. In fact I'd actually take cancer over this theme.

Lynnrich

Date posted: 5y

Thanks. I just feel so disgusted by myself and my thoughts

ocdsurvivorem

Date posted: 5y

Hey Lynnrich, I’m so sorry you’re feeling a lot of shame and guilt about this. I know exactly how you feel. I watched stuff like that in the past and my mind absolutely terrorizes me for it. Know that it’s okay. You mentioned that you think porn is bad for people with OCD and I certainly agree. My fear is that someday I’ll have an insatiable or uncontrollable need to watch something terrible (or even just something I find morally gray). Know that your fear really does show something positive about your character. I have tons of friends who would watch that stuff and wouldn’t bat an eye. OCD can make you feel like you’re out of control but you ARE in control. Even if the shame or guilt tries to tell you otherwise, that doesn’t take your agency away. Maybe you’re like me and you’re afraid you’ll watch something like that again. The fear shows that you DON’T want to do it, so why would you do it in the future? The answer is you won’t. For example, I smoked weed at parties in the past but it made my mental illness worse so I decided I would never do it again. I’m not afraid that someday I’ll be unable to resist weed because I know that’s not what I want. Now of course this logic is harder to apply to obsessions, but just putting it into perspective like this really does help. Remember, you ARE in control and your fear regarding this does not make you a bad person, it just shows your admirable moral standards. I hope that you’ll feel better soon and that you can make peace with your past. You’re not disgusting and please don’t hate yourself for this. Between you and me, I think there are probably a lot of people who have experienced the same thing. I hope this helps!

Lynnrich

Date posted: 5y

@ocdsurvivorem Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I’m taking things day by day and people like you definitely help

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

I stopped watching it like 2 years ago, but it kicked off my moral OCD and it was really horrible. It still affects me today. But you just have to remember its OCD and not you and also that you're not alone. X

Lynnrich

Date posted: 5y

Thanks I appreciate that. If you don’t mind me asking what is moral ocd?

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

@Lynnrich It's short for moral scrupulosity, I really struggle with worrying if I'm a bad person. I always hope I'm a good person but I'm obsessed with the idea I may be not a good person and it terrifies me. Its my main obsession. It's horrible :(

Lynnrich

Date posted: 5y

Me too. For the first 10 years I had hocd, then for a year or so I was afraid that I was going to die of a heart attack, and now it’s pocd. I would much rather have a serious physical problem than this anyday

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