I convinced myself that this is not hocd but internalized homophobia

Your checking. That’s a compulsion, False attraction is normal as well.

I tried to accept myself as gay and that I had internalized homophobia. It faded and the OCD came back because the OCD brain wants absolute certainty. Maybe you have OCD. Maybe you don't. There is no absolute certainty

I have strong sexual attraction and romantic attraction to women (the opposite sex) . I can tell if a guy is attractive and feel good socializing with another dude, but I'm not sexually attracted to a man's butt. I tried expirementing with a guy and felt really disgusted at the thought of penetrating another man's butt with any part of my body. I tried to force myself to get into it, but felt even more disgusted. My OCD still finds ways to debate that result. Especially the idea that I'm an egodystonic homosexual whose internalized homophobia is responsible for feelings of disgust, or aversion to being the submissive role in gay sex. That worries me that if breaking down homophobia will cause me to choose to be gay, because I haven't had a lot of luck dating. One girl I dated 3 months and really liked didn't want to be with a guy who tried sex with another guy. It looks so hopeless that girls will ever accept me for trying it. Any advice?

i just wanted to be honest with her that OCD has been a huge factor in my life*

Yes. Stop checking, close your eyes, focus on your breath and when you start thinking and checking again re focus on your breath. Ignore thoughts and calm your anxiety this way. Please.

I've struggled with hocd for 6 years now but I never experimented with another man. It's difficult to bring this topic up with girls

I regret expiementing. I thought it would get rid of the doubt once and for all. Even though I felt disgusted by it, it didn't get rid of the OCD for good. My ocd always finds a way to make obsess. Anyone in their right mind would have been "Sure enough" if they had my experience

It most likely is hocd

I feel that same way- why do u feel that way?

Just stop checking, it's a compulsion

Accept the anxiety and the fear but don't search for videos or whatever you want to prove you're not gay. That's the real problem

I admire your honesty, I also struggle with hocd.. are old are you ?

It's okay ik another person with hocd who experimented. I'm 25 btw, even after having 3 girlfriends and being with over 25 girls my brain still tells me I'm gay

If I may ask, have you told your girlfriends about your OCD before? I feel like I'm unlovable by women because I expiremented. If you have told them, how is a good way to bring it up and word it?

@js94

I’ve told my ex about my ocd and the themes. It was about 4 months after being together and have relations. Her answer was “clearly that (HOCD) one isn’t true”.

Well one girl used me of being a "faggot" so that wasn't good and my last gf obviously knew I wasn't gay because of how much we had sex. But I brought it up I have ocd and its called hocd and she didnt ask a lot of questions. I also feel like girls won't take me serious tho or that I'm not man enough.

accused me *

Thanks