- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, I know exactly how you feel. But I want to say, they probably all do have thoughts they just act like they don’t. I have been friends with someone for 3 years who has had the same thoughts as me (hocd) for just as long, and we finally opened up to eachother about it. We both still stress about it. Trust me it’s a lot more common than you’d think haha. But I understand what it’s like to miss your innocence. I have hocd and I hate it, I don’t even know what to think about anymore when I’m not thinking about obsessive intrusive thoughts (they make me so uncomfortable and I hate them sm lol). But I’m trying to trust that it’s OCD and not actually me even if my head goes “what if this is actually you??” And I freak tf out but I sit there with it. And I completely lost myself when my ex completely left my life, but he’s back as an acquaintance now and we have small conversations and it feels like a part of me that I’d been missing is back as well as the new, stronger and independent version of me. I know how hard it all is, but try not to let OCD rule your life. I was like you the other day, freaking out. But I’m trusting what I want and that this is ocd and to not give attention to the thoughts (they scared the crap outta me lol) and just live my life. Hope this helped!
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, thank you it did:) although idk bout the friends also having thoughts part because i just notice how they still act like how i used to be and ngl, im jealous of that. And i also dont rlly think everyone has like thoughts.. they are just very lucky and im not, its just the way they get excited about little things or talk about their celeb crush or their future and i can see how much they still want it and how excited they are about it. If they had weird thoughts too, trust me they would sit there like >? and say: i dont feel anything anymore like, like i always feel like. But i get they might have weird thoughyd, everyone does but these just go waaay overboard like theyre in-sane i dont even know my brain is capable of this and i hate it so much bevause it makes me feel like im the one whos thinking this shit and like my thoughts define me and i dont want them too, i dont wanna be that weird girl who has mental ilness, who thinks shes gay and who doesnt feel feelings towards boys. I jusr wanna be a normal teen whos happy and cant wait to go travel and all that Like how i used to
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer Trust me rn I feel so in denial and like I would rather kiss a girl than a boy and that causes me so much anxiety and makes me want to cry. completely understand how you feel. It terrifies me lol to know that I may never be able to have a husband
- Date posted
- 5y
@annehatesocd Yes same and its jnsane to think that i loved boys soo much once. What i “feel” for girls now is nothing like what i felt for boys, but if the feelings for boys arent even around, no shit i think im gay. Also sometimes i think boys r cute but it just stings me that i dont feel the same amount of love/attraction towards them as i did before this all happened
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m feeling insane too
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ve had this on and off since I was 13, but I know what you mean. I used to have crushes on boys as a little girl and would want them to notice me. I even kissed boys as a little girl and told one we’re gonna get married one day. Then I was sexually assaulted by a man and witnessed him sexually assault 7 other girl. It was always guys growing up and I thought of girls like my sisters. Literally I’d be like “are we sisters yet? Lol”. I legit when I was 12 remember starting to notice guys more and I came into my car and said to my grandpa “don’t tell my parents but I’m starting to notice guys more”. Then this hit and I hated it. Even in sixth grade I remember liking a guy at my cheer and having fun when me and this boy at school would tease eachother. But then on and off I would have this. When I was 15 it completely went away and I met my ex bf (the one I was in love with) and I fell so in love with him. I wanted him in all ways. The romantic love I feel towards him is more than anything that I’ve felt for anyone these past two years. I know it was true despite what ocd says because when I cried about him finding a new girl (he didn’t lol just long story for another day) I was sobbinggg. Yet, I’m a lesbian? Or scared I’m in denial about it? Hocd is the worse
- Date posted
- 5y
Well that gives me hope it can go and that i will feel feelings maybe.. i hope that the fact u got over it the first time gives u hope it can go again
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
I miss when I wasn't ruminating 24/7, waking up with horrible anxiety or spending all day doing compulsions. Even when I try so hard to resist them I just end up in a spiral. I miss when I was comfortable in my nonbinary identity and didn't have TOCD and now everything feels wrong and conflicting. I miss when I wasn't depressed and disabled. I know I can never get that person back. I haven't seen that person since high school. Ive spent years with this disorder and i havent gotten better despite therapy and meds. I don't know if I'll ever be happy again.
- Date posted
- 16w
I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.
- Date posted
- 16w
i’ve been dealing with SOCD for 5 years and truly believe it has altered my life completely😀. i haven’t been properly diagnosed but the child therapist I had when i was in hs kind of hinted to me i had something more than just plain anxiety. i’ve also dealt with intrusive thoughts all throughout my childhood and as my family life got worse my anxiety got worse annnd i started getting more and more thoughts that wouldn’t leave me. I remember spending months not swallowing right and practically starving myself bc i kept thinking i was going to choke. i also rmbr spending months worrying ab death and dying EVERYDAY. it woke up with horrible anxiety and it was all i could think about. i can still rmbr sitting in my grandpas chair and just staring off and thinking “im going to die one day” “idk what’s going to happen” “is god real” “i don’t want to die” “what if there is no heaven” and so on. when the socd thoughts started i was 15. i searched around online for help and found reddit and i was like “omg yes finally people who understand and are going through EXACTLY what im going through.” finding that community and this app has helped me so much. anyway i had such a horrible time during my teenage years bc of all the intrusive thoughts about my sexuality, my relationship (glad that’s over), and some other things here and there. i was so so depressed and i felt no one around me understood how fucking awful i felt. i woke up everyday anxious, depressed, numb, and exhausted. when i started college i told my old therapist that even tho im extremely afraid of death i just didnt like living. i would cry in my car before class and just sob ab how awful i felt. although my mental health has gotten SO much better as time went on and the thoughts haven’t been as frequent im definitely not doing well. i am literally stuck. i’m still in college but i don’t know what to do with myself. those years of anxiety and depression have left me STUCK. im so much happier? and i can manage the thoughts way better but i don’t want to do anything. i only talk to 2 friends (literally lost so many great friendships), i RARELY drive bc im afraid ill die in a car crash (only to school and back), i don’t go out, i don’t ask for help at school, i avoid conversations, i avoid ppl in general, i don’t put in that much effort into school, i don’t have hobbies, i don’t want to do anything, i literally have the worst social anxiety now, im afraid of everything. i feel like the only reason im “ok” now is bc i’ve avoided literally everything. i’ve basically spent three years of my life doing nothing. i’m not happy with where i am in my life but im so scared to do anything. i miss who i was before all of this. i’ve been dealing with anxiety all my life and ik my childhood and early teen years made me like this. i didn’t know how to deal with the things i went through/saw as a little kid and i guess everything exploded in my teen years. but i want to be better i want to start LIVING. i’m definitely happier than before but im not living. what frustrates me is i refuse to do anything about it. i know a big reason why i don’t experience as many intrusive thoughts is bc i avoid everything 😭. ik what i have to do to get better and turn my life around BUT I WONT DO ANYTHING. idk how to explain this but its not laziness i feel like my body is exhausted. i think im just so traumatized from feeling so fucking horrible for so many years i just shut down ykwim?? i don’t have any libido, i don’t find ppl attractive, i can’t get myself to do the things im interested in (so many books r piled on my floor), i rot all day, i push off my responsibilities till the last minute, i can’t even get myself to go on a small walk. i don’t know where i was going w this but if someone who’s going through the same thing sees this ur not alone. i just needed to get this out. hopefully one day things will get better.
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