All this depression anxiiety shit made my self esteem dissapear lol, sooo i wanna get a nosejob, is this the right time to make this desicion? Like j littetaly cant ever since hocd i feel like ive gotten soooo ugly and like i got way less attention from men and i want it back so i dont have to feel like i got ugly all of a sudden.

But ive been feeling sooo ugly even when my friends tell me im pretty i can beliebe it i just cant. I spend the whole day obsessing over my nose and side profile and being sad. Thats it, thats my life. I wanna do it so i feel comfortable again but then i remeber that when i was happy my nose didnt bother me. I told my mom about it, she said i dont need it becausw thats not the problem in my face, bevause my face is asymmetrical as she said. Now im so sad and down and feel like i gotta change my whole face now. I just dont want guys to see me and think im ugly. I fe

@hocdgirlsummer I feel you so much cause I have the same problem but I try not to worry. But always remember nobody is perfect and I bet you'll find a guy who'll love you with all his heart and for who you are and not with how you look. I know it's hard to have this hope and belief but you don't have to do this.

@chamomile I know but like ppl always knew me for being pretty, iknow it sounds weird but its something im so used to. And now its like people call me pretty but i just notice the difference when im on the street that idk ppl dont look or something and i know that sounfs bratty but its just weird that its gone and it makes me feel very insecure, like what happened? Is it hocd that shows on the outside like huh

@hocdgirlsummer You don't sound bratty at all. And same honestly. Not that I was known for being really pretty but most boys always thought I was cute and talented. Now Idk why but I too feel like nobody likes me because of how I look. I feel like boys think I'm a lesbian and don't hit on me and I hate it :(

@chamomile Ugh same, people always said omg u can get any boy and said to me i should be a model and all that and i didnt really appreciate the comments i was like, aight cool u know. Men used to look at me on the streets a lot and i used to HATE it so much, i prayed to god that he would make it stop bevause it made every move i did so uncomfortable because i always was being watched. And then booom it all switched since hocd. I feel ugly, insecure, not pretty, bout to get plastic surgery and now im the one looking to men so that they look at me and they dont do it out of themselves anymore and im sooo confused like wtf happened to me that i stopped? Like i prayed to make it go away but damn ever since it stopped i got so insecure i started praying for it to come back but it didnt lollll. Anyway idk what happened but I defenitly lost my shine due to this shit, otherwise ive gotten reaaal ugly in a few months

@hocdgirlsummer My goodness...almost same. I have a kind of fit curvy body with feminine features that boys kind of love but now im just fucking ugly after HOCD. I mean i feel like a new mother who doesn't have time for herself. Boys looked at my legs (I'm tall) and my chest a lot and I really wished they wouldn't (it was uncomfy) but I was still ok. Now I'm in desperation just like you and my brain tells me I'm in denial and forcing my heterosexuality :/

@chamomile Yess exactly like i dont wanna be slutty for wanting thr attentiom but i miss the effect i had on men. It makes me sooo insecure its insane. But the crazy thing is that all that happened after hocd. Wtf is in this mentall ilness that ruins everything around me. It doesnt leave one thing standing. My body is still fine but i do wanna work out more to keep jt toned but i just cant get myself to actually do it due lack of motivation. For me its like i have been analyzing the shit out of my face to see what changed that men dont look at me anymore everywhere i go. Heads used to turn when i walked into public spaces and i hated it, but now it doednt happen anymore and j desire the attention again. I just have to know what it is. But if its hocd im going crazy. Maybe i lost my confidence or my appearance idk what the hell it is..

@hocdgirlsummer Ikr?? Like everything is ruined...I am currently having a while panic attack from stress and anxiety and I don't feel good like I'm questioning everything :(

@chamomile Its okay girl, panic attacks go. They leave. Think about all the times theyve gone away. Its gonna go away so please be extra strong while having the attack and wait till its gone and take a good rest!

@hocdgirlsummer I'm trying so hard. Somebody told me on my recent post "what so wrong about being a lesbian?" And I broke out in a panic and I just wrote them a very rude reply. I of course deleted it but now I feel like shit and regret why I had even written that :(

@chamomile Lolll i know what its like, having to explain the whooole thing for someone to undersyand its hocd bevause you feel attacked about them calling u lesbian. U gotta place that as a misunderstanding. The person doesnt know what u go trough and only people who know what ur going trough can judge the situation correctly. Dont be hard on ur self when someone calls u gay when they dont know whats going on inside ur head. I defenitly get the rude respond bevause thats about the last thing u wanna hear so out of reflex u try to proove them wrong by being rude. Its okay. Rewrite the message and tell them u appreciate their help and that their indeed is norhing wrong with being gay, but the case is different for you because u have hocd and ur actually straight but your head makes you beliebe your gay. They will undersyand that. I dont blame the people who tell me being gay is okay after i write a whole message abouut how scared i am to be lesbian. Thats because ofcourse if they dont know whats going on inside the head they assume your just not accepting yourself but we with hocd know it goes waay deeper than that. Its nit about that we cant accept who we are, its about our brain forcing us to like the same sex while we didnr feel anything towards them before hocd.

@hocdgirlsummer Right...like you're right...honestly it's hard dealing with HOCD when you have so many things going around you, not to mention I have other subsets and physical issues. The reason for my panic was that I had read an article on being a lesbian in denial and the signs there matched with HOCD signs and I immediately got scared and posted about it. And the first comment was that question which flared me up!! Like extremely flared. I just went on a whole rant about it. I honestly feel alone like nobody has this and I'm in an internal prison and it hurts be sure I've always been very straight like straighter than a ruler and now when somebody says I'm gay I can't keep my cool. I'm not homophobic and never was but after HOCD anything LGBT triggers me.

@chamomile I 1000% feel u so dont ever feel alone. I feel u so much on how u were so straight and now not and it is fucking hard dealing with this shit everyday, feeling like another person everyday and keep on having to act like ur still urself while everhtbing falls apart. Having to worry everyday about the future bc u want a husband but being scared u wont ever fall in love again like You used to before hocd. We ALL deserve that tho. We all deserve that kinda love. So i trust in god and the process that it will be gifted to me. On day there will be a man who i will fall so in love witth i will forget about these thoughts and ill be drunk in love and not drunk in hocd ever again.

@hocdgirlsummer Thanks for the support girl! Like ever since I was a kid I liked imagining having husband and children, a happy sweet home. Like I still remember a point in my life when I hugged a boy and it felt good, like I wanted to stay in his arms (this happened when I was 4 or something too). But now my brains like that was fake. I don't wanna be gay. I fear I'm in denial but I'm pushing through every day, like my life's breaking down but I'm just trying to get by like a "normal" person.

@chamomile I know i try so hard to push myself im the normal bod while i know damn right im not okay. Something is wrong, its not normal human to feel like thi s. There is some type of shit happening in my brain. I also hate all the feelings i had towards boys are now just gone. Everytjing just feels numb

@hocdgirlsummer I know right!! Like I lost my libido towards boys and I'm irritated all the time of why I can't get attracted to them. Ughh it's hell honestly :(