I opened up last night to my boyfriend about my extreme fear of abandonment (which I have told him about before) When he confronted me about not being as forward with him sexually which is all linked to my fears of getting too attached to him and then him leaving me suddenly (because it happened to me once with no warning after spending ten years of my life with someone) His answer was hmmm I don’t buy it. It’s too convenient. I believed it before but not now that was months ago. Maybe you shouldn’t move in maybe we should dial it back a bit and stop seeing each other so much. So fucked up. Scared of abandonment so he abandons me

Relationship OCD

???

Date posted: 5y

He also may not be your person. If he’s not understanding and patient for you to work through your ocd or other issues, he doesn’t seem like a great match for you. You deserve somebody who can make you feel secure in your relationship. Maybe he’s not emotionally ready for all this when he says it’s wrong time...

bebrave❤️

Date posted: 5y

I am sorry sweetie that is not easy for you I guess :( but you have to respect his choice and maybe during this little brake you will realize that you can do great alone

uwotm8

Date posted: 5y

He says shit like this all the fucking time Leave come back Then wonders why my already massive fear of abandonment is a thing

???

Date posted: 5y

It sounds like it’s not just a fear of abandonment but you don’t totally trust what he’s saying - eg when he says he won’t abandon you. Maybe try re-explaining that way and you just want him to be patient as it takes longer for you to build up trust bc of your past experience. There’s also couples counseling which may be helpful if you both are committed to making things work

uwotm8

Date posted: 5y

O have explained and he’s always said he gets it but now he’s like” nahhhh I don’t buy it it’s too convenient an excuse sorry” He thinks cuz it’s not always sunshine and rainbows it’s fucked and we met the wrong time etc

uwotm8

Date posted: 5y

He’s said at least five times before now he should stop seeing me then we carried on so yeah

bebrave❤️

Date posted: 5y

Does he know about your ocd ?

uwotm8

Date posted: 5y

Yeah

bebrave❤️

Date posted: 5y

@nononope Ok then I don’t know what to say, this is so complicated :( maybe ask him to try to see it from your point of vue

uwotm8

Date posted: 5y

Well then I’ll have to die in my sleep then because I love him so much I can’t bear that

uwotm8

Date posted: 5y

Hrs got ocd traits himself so I think his rocd manifests in a “perfect or nothin” way where as min is “oh god please don’t ever leave me “

???

Date posted: 5y

Try couples counseling. It sounds like you both aren’t hearing each other but if there’s a lot of love there, then it may just be communication issues that an outside party can help with.

uwotm8

Date posted: 5y

I know he’d refuse that because of the “it shouldn’t need to be counselled” attitude He thinks any kind of bump in the road means it’s doomed I think. He’s been emotionally manipulated in the past by his ex of ten years (full blown horrid narcissist) and I think he’s got his own issues he won’t acknowledge I feel a little bit manipulated myself now though as he says o should be open then he uses it at ammunition to say it’s a convenient excuse or that we aren’t meant to be... ...then I spend the day away from him and he retracts it all and says it won’t happen again

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