hey guys so i have HOCD and there’s day it’s worse than others. i really like these 2 guys but i’m very insecure about myself and the way i look and im just super sad about everything because i really like them but i also have these thoughts where it’s like they won’t like you because of how you look all this shit right. and i also have these spikes where i’m like what if you won’t tell them you like them because you don’t actually like guys and that’s annoying cuz i really like them and i know i don’t like girls because it’s just not me. like at all. i get uncomfortable and weirded out if i have a thiught ab me w a girl like it just makes me cringe kind of and i don’t mean that to sound mean but that’s just what happens with me. i just wish this never happened because it started so randomly i don’t even know but i’m not very girly. i want to be girly im just so insecure with my body that i think i’m fat so i hide it with clothing that isn’t tight but i have all these things i wanna wear but it just scared to

thank god im not alone in that omg it’s literally the worst feeling ever cuz i really want to date one of them because they’re amazing guys im just so scared to get rejected or have these false triggers all that type of stuff

@personnn I'm not too girly or masculine but I removed a time I wanted to but shorts. My mind is extremely obsessed how I was and used to be, im also obsessed with the idea I'm bisexual though that feeling makes me cringe and uncomfy :(. And know you aren't alone in this, I know how hard it is but we'll get through this together :)

@chamomile Remember a time**

@chamomile i feel that too! like my minds like what if your bi blah blah blah but i can’t even picture it without feeling sick like it’s just weird to me and it’s not who i am. and i know some people would be like “well then just get over the thiught” but its hard too it doesn’t just go away ya know?

@personnn I know right!! I developed false memories and I quickly realized they were but my mind is obsessed those were not false memories and were real. It hurts because I don't have any attraction to guys at all, I can't even remember a time I ever got wet looking at guys (I feel like vomiting whenever i think of girls and doing ANYTHING with them)

@chamomile EXSCTLYYY it be like that all the time and it’s so annoying like fuck i just wanna like the guys i like w out my brain telling me what if you’re lying like bitch

@personnn I know!! It's making me frustrated I can't get fucking attracted to guys at all like the fuck does my HOCD want, honestly I'm possed off at this point and I just want to get rid of it

@personnn Im also not girly and I do some sterotypical shit like the gays/bis and my brains like "haha you gay" and that makes me so mad like ughh!!

Like I can get attracted but then my brains like "ya sure, you ain't faking this" "you're in denial" "you're attracted to girls" and that makes me very sad. I can't remember a time I got wet looking at guys, I fear it's cause I'm gay or because I have a dysfunction

I'm so sad, I feel like I won't get any enjoyment or organs if I be with a guy. Like my fantasies enjoy it, I enjoy it in my dreams, my heart kinda feels warm thinking of guys like I start smiling naturally but my brain goes "nope you're gay now" like doesn't not make mf sense

@chamomile Orgasms**

That's actually what I'm doing right now, I've been doing it for about three days now and I end up crying every night but I'm going to push through no matter what ever, let's hope and try to overcome this together new friend

@chamomile I've actually had OCD for a whole year and in the middle it went away for 3 months and it came back again.

I know that's what I thought too, now I feel like shit because everything is falling apart from my llife to my dreams. I sometimes have a feeling. Ihate live with this hell till I got to my grave :(

@chamomile i know it’s super difficult but i know we can get through this!!

@personnn Yes, hopefully we will