I have had anxiety issues for years and have been in therapy for that. But a big change in my life made it spin out of control. Btw, I am a bit of a control freak. So, for the last year, health anxiety has reigned. It all started when I had a panick attack and ran out of the operation room where I had to go under for a very simple, preventive procedure (I was convinced I wasn’t going to wake up.) I faced it again and made it. But after that I have been going from one health scare to the other. Skin cancer, oral cancer, breats cancer, HPV related cervical cancer - went through each recently. These are accompanied by panick attacks, insomnia and anxiously googling symptoms and testimonials. Every visit to the doctor end with panick that I forgot to check other important symptoms or that she might not be taking me seriously and miss something important. Now I am worried about a lymph node under my jaw that is slightly swollen. I know chances are it is ok and it is not cancer, it’s my anxiety. But what if it isn’t? And on it goes. I just want to stop worrying and go a day without googling symptoms or health issues. I am waiting for it to pass as these periods of health anxiety are kinda like panicks attacks - they build up, they peak and then they pass. I am afraid doctors will stop taking me seriously (this week I saw my doctor for a melanoma scare and a sore breast.) I am afraid when my doctor doesn’t investigate further and I am afraid when she does. I know it is absurd (I recently googled eye cancer) but I can’t stop. Sorry for the long post, I guess I wanted to write it all down and share it.

I honestly never have read a post that I can relate to more. I honestly had to scroll up to see it I had writen this post...seriously. I’ve done an intensive outpatient program that helped quite a bit but the unfortunate truth is that this condition, like any other chronic medical condition, will likely be with us for the rest of our lives. My advice to you, stick with therapy. ERP is extremely helpful for OCD... I’m still on the fence about it’s benefits for those of us strictly with hypochondriasis. For me personally, I find that ERP was difficult to get me triggered because the exposures were set up rather than real life, which are the ones that really effect me. Another big thing- NO compulsions. That includes checking your lymph node, going to the doctor for reassurance, seeking reassurance from others, googling, mental rumination, and/or avoidance. Have you talked to your doctor about the fact that you have hypochondriasis, or illness anxiety disorder? I did and it helped a lot for both me and my provider to understand how to better help me. Yes, we lose some of our credibility as a patient, but it’s a valid loss. Have you tried medication? Lexapro worked fuckin wonders for me but I’m currently off it as I’m trying to get pregnant. Diet is a big thing too, try and reduce inflammation, as it can trigger obsessions. Probiotics believe it or not also can help with allievating some depression/anxiety, maybe not for everyone, but maybe it’s worth a shot if you haven’t tried? Lastly, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. It fucking sucks so hard and has literally consumed me for the last several years... since getting engaged and then married, for sure. It gets better (and then worse, and then better again, at least from my experience). Just know that you are not alone.

You know that saying, "Google is your friend"? Well, in the case of OCD Google most certainly is not your friend. IMO having a world of information available to you in moments is not always helpful, especially with OCD. It allows you to feed it so much and in some cases will even give you reassurance that you 100% are RIGHT in your worry. I know it's difficult, but really try to stay away from the Google searches, they really are not helpful. Just accept you need to live not knowing if you have an illness, the same as anyone else and, until you do get an illness (if you do), you will get on with your life doing the things that matter.

True, that’s the big challenge, accepting you cannot control what happens. Yes, bloody difficult. But it helps to know I am not the the only one with that struggle :)