Idk what’s wrong with me my friend is trying to set me up with a guy and she asked me if I found anyone cute and my mind went blank and I couldn’t think of anyone and now I feel like that means I’m a lesbian but last night me and my friends were liking changing and I saw boobs and I wasn’t turned on the thought of doing anything actually made me very uncomfortable :/

Ooo yes, I remember thinking at the changing room like would I kiss her of an I attracted to her and I was extremely uncomfortable at the thought but I also couldn't think of guys (I want to desperately) it was such a mess in my head

@chamomile I know I can’t even picture myself with a guy anymore. Like I want a boyfriend but I can’t even picture myself with one anymore and it makes me sad :(

@hate_ocd.123 It somehow physically hurts, I have an anxiety attack today and no matter what can't think of guy. My natural thoughts have become so distant and secondary. I feel like I'll never be happy and I'll live in this perpetual hell

@chamomile I feel I’m scared I’ll be happy with it and I don’t want it at all it makes me sooo uncomfortable to think about kissing a girl and grabbing their boobs and stuff I’m like “nooooo”

@hate_ocd.123 Same, feel you to the core. Yesterday I had a horrible dream about a girl forcing me to have sex with her and ig was awful I woke up and almost cried. It makes me uncomfy but I always look at girls to see if I'm attracted or not. I'm still a teen (14) which scares me I'll become gay in the future. I don't want to be gay/bi. This thing is awful like my sexuality can't change in minutes or just a day can it?? ??

@chamomile I feel my ex bf shattered my heart and it’s like my hocd is now looking at girls as if they’re amazing and I hate it so much and I feel like a boy fawning over a girl and ya I’m still attracted to guys when they touch me but Idek i feel so lost

@hate_ocd.123 I hope my heterosexuality didn't just change in minutes on the night I got it, all of this is like a lame joke God made on me. I feel like a guy drooling over girls too (not to mention I'm extra feminine and this does NOT feel good!!) I want guys to touch me but not girls...

@chamomile Same here

@hate_ocd.123 I don't want to touch girls either, it's such a weird thing for me (I'm not a homophobe but doesnt feel good personally) I can't think of guys no matter what it's like they're gone like poof and magic. Also can't understand why I would have second guesses about my heterosexuality after 5 years of puberty?? ughh

@chamomile Idek I got this when I was 13 and it’s been on and off for a few years but before I never thought anything of it I always had crushes on boys. However, I was anxious around them cause I was sexually assaulted and witnessed 7 girls get assaulted as well when I was 9 sooooo....idk I just with guys I’ve always liked them. But it almost feels like in my mind that guys don’t exist

@hate_ocd.123 Oh I'm sorry for whatever had happened to you. I was never assaulted but my dad was kind of mentally abusive and my parents fought a lot. But that didn't affect my desire for boys, I always liked them since I was in kindergarten and even had crushes in them. I shipped people together without even knowing what shipping was. But now everything seems like such a blur, it hurts bad :(

@chamomile Same I had crushes on boys as well. In kindergarten I told a boy I was going to marry him. I remember having crushes and wanting boys to notice me and now it feels like it was all a lie or something. I’m so sad that I may be a lesbian:( do I sound like one?

@hate_ocd.123 Same as you. I honestly don't want to provide reassurance to anybody but today I'll do it because I'm having an anxiety attack myself. Honestly saying, no you don't sound like one. Do I sound like one?

@chamomile No you don’t....do feelings about boys seem almost foreign to you? Like I don’t remember what they felt like. And idk I can’t even picture a boy anymore I hate it. And I feel like a tomboy (when I’ve always been super girly) :/

@hate_ocd.123 No they never seemed foreign to me but after HOCD I can't feel anything, I can't picture a guy and me. Its extremely annoying and whenever I can't thin log guys my head start paining bad I feel this pressure in my head. I don't even know how to describe this feeling...:(

@chamomile No do they seem foreign now with the ocd....that’s what I’m talking about lol

@chamomile Also I was just watching a movie and I remember growing up I always loved female super heroes or like leads but I never remember wanting to date or kiss them I remember wanting to be them. Does that sound like a normal childhood thing or does it sound like more??

@hate_ocd.123 Yes they do seem foreign ever since I got HOCD. And I loved female super heroes and lead protagonists too but I never had a romantic or sexual thought about them (thinking about it is kind of disgusting to me). I suppose that is very normal among girls

@chamomile Same and phew okay lol but I also get soo uncomfortable now when someone asks what boy I like or if I have a boyfriend it triggers my anxiety and hocd a lot lol I hate it

@chamomile Does that happen with you as well??

@hate_ocd.123 Yes, my mind goes blank and then I don't even know what to say :(

@chamomile I’m very very scared it’s real :(

@hate_ocd.123 Me too :(. Yesterday night my thoughts came back and I hugged my pillow tight and cried till I fell asleep. Since morning, I've been obsessing over the thought I don't have HOCD and I'm using it as an excuse :(

@chamomile I’ve thought that before too. I fell asleep from pure exhaustion and now I woke up and can’t stop thinking it’s always on my mind

@hate_ocd.123 A lot of people ask me "what the problem being gay?" And my mind can't think of anything except that it doesn't feel natural or right to me personally. But now I'm obsessing "I have no reason and I'm faking it" but I genuinely at the same time do NOT want to be a lesbian