I just had to cancel babysitting with 10 minutes notice because I had a panic attack. I feel terrible and my mom is pissed at me. The parents seemed to understand but it scared to go home now because my mom was so mad on the phone. I’m shaking and panicking. Everything has been so hard and stressful and I have no idea what to do. No one understands my anxiety and I hate it here. I just wish I could run away but I don’t know where I’d go or what I’d do. Please just someone give me some advice. I’m scared to go home. And I feel so bad and stupid for having to cancel because of a panic attack. I shouldn’t have any said I’d do it. I thought I would be okay. I’m not though. Fuck.

It is very hard! But I’m sure there was a time when you wouldn’t even have thought it was possible to say yes to something. You even got yourself in the car! There have been times I haven’t even been able to get out of bed, let alone drive somewhere. A few months ago I had a panic attack when trying to go to the movies and I had to go back home after my boyfriend had already bought tickets. I felt awful. Years ago I couldn’t even leave my house, and I almost didn’t graduate highschool. But yesterday, we drove all the way to Albany to see a live show. I panicked the entire way there, but still did it! I even had a good time during the show! It won’t be easy to get better but it’s very worth it. The most important thing is not letting days like today define the rest of your life. Some days will be amazing and some days will be hard, you just gotta keep pushing through to the best of your ability.

For a long time my mom didn’t understand why I couldn’t do things when my anxiety first became an issue as well, and she would yell at me to just do things and it made me feel awful as well. It took a few years and many sessions with her sitting in with my therapist to really get her to understand. My dad still doesn’t, but he accepts that my brain works differently. I would go home, try to come down from your panic attack and then try to talk with your mom about it. I find for myself it’s hard to explain a panic attack and what I need from someone while it’s happening. You can’t control other people’s ability to understand what you’re going through, but it’s very very important to be kind to yourself when a panic attack happens no matter what anyone else says. I try to say to myself “I am valid, my feelings are valid, and it’s ok that I couldn’t handle this right now, next time will be better” Hope that helps

You are not defined by your bad days, you’re defined by how you pick yourself up and put yourself back together. Let yourself feel sad and disappointed for a little while, you have to feel the emotions, but then pick yourself back up and try doing the hard things again. Do you have a therapist?

You could try calling your mom and talking to her before you go home as well, let her know you’re afraid and how you’re feeling. If you need support I’m just sitting home and will be able to respond to you as needed!! I’m here for you!!

Are you calmer now? The number one thing that you should do right now is make your way home if you’re calm enough to drive

I don’t want to give reassurance on what will happen between your dad and your boss because I don’t know what will happen, but he legally can’t be fired because you were unable to babysit because of an anxiety attack. the most important thing right now would be getting yourself home and safe and not to beat yourself up for not being able to do something

I was very afraid of telling my therapist too, how I started was asking him if he’s ever treated someone with ocd involving intrusive thoughts and that I wasn’t comfortable talking about exactly what they were. He wasn’t listed as a specialist either but it turned out he had treated someone with pocd before me as well

That’s a good idea! I would still ask him in person the next time you see him, you never know. And I feel the same way, helping other people through their anxiety actually helps me cope with mine, I wish you all the best my dear