How long do your episodes of intrusive thoughts occur for you? I used to describe myself as an anxious person for the longest time. In April the anxiety exploded (I don’t know exactly why this happened except for that I had multiple things happening at the same time such as moving, getting the flu, and going on vacation with a friend who we recently had a big shift in our relationship) and I couldn’t function normally, in that I couldn’t sleep, eat, or even just sit there without feeling absolutely awful, as well as kept thinking and fearing for the safety of my family. That subsided after a week and a half. In August an anxiety episode started again for the second time but this was the first time ever in my life that I got an intrusive suicidal thought which terrified me and then stuck with me! These thoughts lasted for about 3 weeks straight then began to subside, and during this time o had started buspar, but later stopped at the intrusive thoughts and anxiety went away plus the buspar was giving me lightheadedness. I’m currently in my longest episode with these constant suicidal intrusive thoughts. It started back up in the beginning of November and continues til this day. Every single day this has been affecting me and almost every second thought is about that. Some days are better where it only happens a few times day and doesn’t bother me terribly, but then other days like today it’s constant and has me terrified I’m going to lose control or just give in. I have to keep telling myself that I love my family and my life and have so many plans for myself and yet I feel I’m being tortured by my mind constantly. I used to think my faith was being challenged in these hard times so I would pray and read my Bible constantly in search of relief. I told my parents how I was thinking and feeling and it made me feel worse then they became scared for me. I started seeing a mental health counselor in December for this problem and while I’m glad she is working with me and hasn’t called 911 after me telling her what I’ve been struggling with, I still get skeptical about the techniques I’m being told to do, such as yoga and whatnot. In the moments where I feel I got a grasp on it, all my doubt disappears and I know I will overcome, it makes me feel to free and happy! And then the next moment I feel under it’s thumb and I’m freaking out that I will lose control or give in again. I can’t read or see anything related to suicide as it causes me great distress. I’m terrified to be near my closet or look or be near belts for those reason. Sometimes I can’t decide if I should laugh or cry because I wonder why did my life turn out like this and why is this happening to me. I have plans to enjoy being with my family, finally got a job after searching for a year, plans to start dating this year, plans to travel and enjoy my life, and these stupid horrible thoughts are trying to ruin it all. I’m sorry this changed from a question to a rant. It brings some comfort to look at the other posts and see we are not alone, but now how do we overcome?

Harm OCD

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

I think this article might give some clarity https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/ocd-symptoms/suicidal-ocd/

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

Wow thank you for this!! This gave a lot of insight on how I’ve been with this OCD and happy to know there’s treatment for it :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I definitely dont know how to get rid of the thoughts. I deal with mine 24/7 (and by that I mean my OCD jumps into my dreams a lot too) and I completely understand a lot of what you mentioned.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

How long have you been dealing with it? Btw I love your username - ocd isn’t us!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Evelyn4416 I've been dealing with it for about a decade. Not sure about the exact dates but I was diagnosed around 9 y.o. And thank you :) it's the first thing that came to mind when it asked me to come up with something

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

@ocdisntme If you don’t mind me asking, what types of treatment and/coping have you been doing for it? Has anything worked more or less than others in your circumstance?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Evelyn4416 I have don't CBT, DBT, meds, talk therapy, and ERP. Nothing has made a definitive difference for me. I'm talking with my current therapist to see if they can reccomend any new treatment types for me. DBT helps to delay some of my compulsions every once in a while, but that's about it. I wish I could be of more help :/

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

@ocdisntme Thank you for sharing it has been helpful! I wish you breakthrough and healing in your journey and always remember you are far greater than OCD :)

Carl Cornett

Date posted: 5y

If you’re in the states, and your current therapist isn’t doing it already, I’d recommend connection with a specialist through this app. ERP/CBT is the gold standard for treatment.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

I just learned what ERP for the first time today actually! I personally feel that my counselor isn’t giving me the information or maybe exact treatment that I need? I’ve been seeing her for about two months and when I asked her to inform me more on OCD, she just pulled out the DSM-5, read word for word what the symptoms were, then told me she didn’t want to diagnose me because she doesn’t believe in labels.

Carl Cornett

Date posted: 5y

@Evelyn4416 Well, getting an official diagnosis is often one of the important steps towards treatment. I’m not a doctor, so I don’t want to undermine where you are. But ERP is the standard for a reason.

Evelyn4416

Date posted: 5y

@CSquared Yes I would’ve liked to know if that’s what I have or not so not sure if I’ll be able to receive a diagnosis with her. I will continue to do research on ERP and search for a professional who specializes in it. Thank for you for the information!

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond