Aw fudge, I wanna seek reassurance right now but I’m refraining myself from doing so. I’m scared and dunno what to do ?

I am I’m trying not to ruminate....for some reason not ruminating makes me worry that I’m in denial or repressing it or something. Then I worry I like the thoughts and that’s why I can’t ignore them and sit with it. All these thoughts are scaring me. But I’m just going to sit with them and let them be there:)

@hate_ocd.123 I understand the feeling! While we’re doing ERP it’s common to have a spike in anxiety when we realized maybe we’re not as bothered by the thoughts anymore. It doesn’t mean our feelings about the morality of the thought has changed, it just means we’re controlling the reaction better... which is the whole point of ERP in the first place! These backdoor spikes happen throughout recovery, but you can treat them like any ocd fear or thought.

@NOCD Advocate - Kali I haven’t been doing ERP unless I’m doing it without realizing lol??

@NOCD Advocate - Kali Is refraining yourself from seeking reassurance ERP? Also this is an odd question but can anxiety to the thoughts be reassurance in itself? Whenever I have anxiety to a thought that’s kind of a reminder to me that it’s not real and when I don’t I get anxiety and it’s a rlly weird cycle. Could that be it’s own compulsion or some type of reassurance?

@hate_ocd.123 Resisting compulsions and learning to acclimate to the anxiety is a good practice to be in, and it’s something that we focus on while doing ERP, so you’re developing good habits! If you do seek to do ERP, a therapist can help you tune these habits to be more fruitful for your recovery☺️

@hate_ocd.123 Anxiety is our reaction, and if you’re using your feeling of anxiety to prove that you’re still scared of your thoughts and that you still see them as “bad” it can be a double edged sword. When you start to recover, you’ll then start to feel anxious about not being anxious.... OCD is very persistent in this way!

@NOCD Advocate - Kali I’ve also started medication....could that also be a part of an improvement? It just seems this form of ocd always stays in the back of my head and I always obsess about it. I haven’t had attraction back to more than 1 boy (my ex) for a consistent amount of time where I’m not stressing for about 2 years now. I had it when I was 13 then it went away, then 14 for like a month and it disappeared, then it came back when I was almost 16 and it’s been there ever since. It’s always when I got into something with a guy. And when I started noticing guys. As a kid I was sexually assaulted by a male & witnessed him assault 7 other girls so I just don’t know why this has been so adamant. That’s what scares me is that this is the truth and I need to accept it but I don’t want it. I’m not trying to seek reassurance....I just want to know how to get this fully gone and not relapse. (Honestly my thoughts are going cray cray rn with the possibility of this being denial ahhhhh)?

@hate_ocd.123 Past traumas can stay with us in many ways. Medication and therapy can both be beneficial. There’s no way to guarantee that you won’t have flare ups or relapse to varying degrees down the road, but with the proper skills you’ll find that you are far better equipped to deal with it and bounce back much faster because you’ve already done it and you’re not starting at square one. OCD treatment is all about maintenance.