Can anyone help me? It’s not necessarily ocd related? I don’t think? Maybe it is making me overthink though I don’t know... My partner’s mother has recently been diagnosed with cancer. It was very unexpected and we are all fucking gutted and scared. He’s really distant, won’t come near me, seems irritable when I try to hug him. He’s even acknowledged it and said it’s nothing to do with me, but like, how the hell do you keep a relationship going if there’s no affection? If I get upset over his mother he doesn’t really comfort me either, but I’m hurt too. I keep breaking down at work and trying to hide it from him incase he gets upset, and I’m doing my best to be there for him but I feel totally fucking USELESS. I understand he’s hurt and so am I, but when I’m upset I need MORE affection, not less!!!! so I don’t get it. I feel weird I can’t even describe it. I’m also feeling selfish even writing this. I feel like o have to ask for affection and hugs and kisses and if I don’t do it there won’t be any. I sit on the opposite end of the sofa he doesn’t ask me to come near him/doesn’t come to me. I was just crying and he said nothing. Just got up to use the bathroom. I feel invisible

Its okay we had a talk he’s explained of his own accord that he’s worried I’m gonna lose interest in HIM because he hasn’t been feeling himself, he’s said he’s conscious he’s being weird and doesn’t want me to get fed up with him and he’s just processing everything and is just struggling He lost his father only a year ago too so he’s not feeling good

@uwotm8 Oh I'm so sorry for you and your partner. It really is devastating to lose a parent and now another is diagnosed. It's really sad. Hope his mother becomes cancer free and may God bless her. It good that you had a talk with him and he explained things from his side, but I really feel at a time like this both should support each other and be affectionate. I know that doesn't feel like the right thing to do but it helps to cope mentally and emotionally :)

He’s actually used the exact word “I feel flat and numb” He’s also got less of a sex drive. In bed last night he was reiterating he still wants to have sex and hasn’t gone off it but he has no drive at the moment because he feels flat. Which is making him feel worse I think. You might be right, what can I do in the meantime for him? He says I help by being there but is that enough? I’ve told him I don’t expect him to feel normal because this isn’t a normal situation- I don’t even feel normal I’m worried sick too.

@uwotm8 I suffer from depression mostly because of ocd itself and my bf loves me so much but my sex drive falls to the floor as well but I always remind myself to be sweet because I have accidentally made him feel unwanted and unloved at times but I think what would help a lot was if he had someone to talk to like a therapist but only if he's comfortable with that. However getting to then point is sometimes the best maybe you can start off by asking him if his family sistuation has lead to his numbness and that might give him a chance to reflect and vent and put his feelings into order because being depressed is embarassing sometimes. And sometimes there might not be reason to feel flat but the body is simply reacting to stress. I recommend going on walks or maybe eating something yummy do soft fun activities and cuddle. When you take care of your partner theres a sense of maternity that feels relieving to them.