Posted this last night but deleted to add more. (Prob a compulsion.) anyway, I hate my OCD so so much. I have had perfection OCD in the fear that my handwriting wasn’t perfect, contamination OCD when I was afraid to touch my binders with anything that touched my handwriting, HOCD in the fear that I am not actually gay but straight, (the fear that I got it wrong―I will even be attracted to girls sometimes even tho that is NOT what I want,) a form of ROCD in which I am afraid that I don’t like my hero, my favorite singer, and I have also had the fear that I am not a nice person. And I also have POCD. At least, I PRAYYYY it is POCD. I feel like it’s not and I am so so scared. I don’t want to hurt a child ever! This is the fear that has felt the most real, because when I was in middle school and in high school, I would watch pediatric medical videos since I thought it was okay because it wasn’t technically “porn” and doctors appointments were the closest experience to something sexual that I had ever experienced in my life. (I had always seen a pediatrician at the time. The experiences weren’t sexual, I just didn’t know anything else.) Now, I get intrusive thoughts that I like kids, or like if I see one that is “attractive” I am afraid I like them and it will make me so scared. I feel like I am lying to myself as many on here with POCD have said about themselves. I DON’T want to be like ... that, it’s my greatest fear, I am a rule follower, and groinal response is REAL and it scares the hell out of me. I will say I was “attracted” (or thought I was) to a female singer (Halsey) last week when I was fearing I was straight, but now that I have a different fear I realize I wasn’t. I just feel so hopeless. I want to have kids when I am older. I am a kind person. I don’t deserve this, and as many different forms of OCD that I have had over the years, this one feels so real. (I pray it is just because it is the most scary.) My 2 therapists think its OCD, and I tell them everything. It also doesn’t help that my type is “twinks” (young looking men, I am one myself at age 21,) so there is a lot of overlap in looks that scares me. I feel like I don’t deserve help and I just want to know that this is OCD. I just question cuz how can it be when I was attracted to that when I didn’t realize it was bad and then when I did we’re just gonna call them “intrusive thoughts?” PLEASE respond, I really want to know what the rest of the community with this awful fear thinks. I also think of things like “would I be ashamed if this was accepted in society?” Which scares me too. It reminds me of when I had to come out as gay. I just want this to stop, OCD has had a hold on my life for so long and I pray this is a part of it.

POCD

bebrave❤️

Date posted: 5y

Hey sweetie ! I have an illustration that might help you, at least I hope it will This is ocd. You can try to see ocd as a big mean diabolical old lady stuck in your brain trying to manipulate you by modifying memories, trying to make them sounds bad, trying to make you believe you are what you don’t want to be. But now you are done listening to her, that’s it, you are not a pedophil and deep down you know it. This creepy old lady has experience and knows exactly how to make you believe what she says is true, at least make you doubt. I swear this is ocd and that’s it. You can try to see the thoughts just as a thoughts which arrives in your head and goes, it means nothing, but if you are afraid of it, it gets stuck and won’t go away, and that’s exactly what old woman ocd wants ! To beat ocd, you have to react like you don’t care I give you all the positives vibes I can❤️

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so much. I appreciate this so so so much. I believe you, and I am going to hold on to this tightly. What is happening now is I’m afraid that I’m straight and not gay, because I used to “like” girls when I was younger, and now I only like twinks (young looking men,) but I’m afraid I shouldn’t because it could very well be because they’re young looking and even tho they’re 18 or over (I’m 21) I feel like it’s just a sign of being what I feared as a result of POCD. What do you think? Also, you’re helping me a LOT and I appreciate you.

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

@FuckOCD To elaborate, I feel like recognizing my attraction to young looking (legal) guys (age 18 through like 25) I am also validating thoughts that my POCD creates about ppl ... younger than that. It’s almost like I fear I like them (twinks 18-25ish) cuz they look like kids

Itshard

Date posted: 5y

Hi I have Pocd , we can talk if you want

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

How do we do that? I’m new to this app lol

Itshard

Date posted: 5y

@FuckOCD How we do what, you don’t know how to text??

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

@Itshard Oh sorry, I thought you meant there was a way to message on this app

Itshard

Date posted: 5y

@FuckOCD So what do your Pocd do to you exactly?

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

@Itshard It just kinda makes me super anxious and depressed and feel like I don’t deserve help. I fully believe the fear.

Itshard

Date posted: 5y

@FuckOCD Ok but what happens when it happen

Itshard

Date posted: 5y

@FuckOCD How did It all started

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

@Itshard Idk? I can make a list of symptoms

FuckOCD

Date posted: 5y

It is also interesting that when I posted this last night I got comments saying “this sounds like OCD” but how can it??

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