- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
And although I know I’m not a narcissist I worry people think the terms are interchangeable and I can’t handle people thinking I’m a narcissist cuz I’ve dealt with them and they’re awful people
- Date posted
- 5y
I never feel like that people are that bothered by my existence. I always cry over people leaving me but no one ever worries *I* would ever leave THEM. I feel insignificant compared to most people
- Date posted
- 5y
Basically I’m inferior I have no value and I have to work much much harder than everyone to be valuable or needed and even then it never feels I am
- Date posted
- 5y
Also (sorry guys for all of the comments) I have never told anyone that fear of abandonment makes me feel I would have to die to escape it because I don’t want to be seen as manipulative, useless and unable to function as an adult or a burden
- Date posted
- 5y
It seems to be an obsession. Like you fear to have this, kind of health ocd. Same thing for people who are afraid of schizophrenia. I have this too about all the personnality disorder ! I hope you will feel better soon, don’t forget that ocd is a judge liar ?
- Date posted
- 5y
No no this is not an obsession. I don’t feel anxiety or “what if” over it I just resonate with the symptoms. I’m not scared of having the illness itself cuz I do think it’s possible, I’m afraid of the illness making people leave me so I don’t want them to know that’s my problem
- Date posted
- 5y
As in I don’t get panic over the idea of it cuz I actually feel like it could explain why I feel so shitty about myself ALL the time but at the same time I fear that the label would drive people away
- Date posted
- 5y
No one can know for sure, you’d have to get a thorough evaluation by a psychiatrist to have a better idea. It is true, however, that many people experience similar obsessions and concerns like yours. I had many issues related to black and white thinking, anger, and the urge to disconnect from someone once they displeased. It’s like everyone I knew somehow would absorb all the other wrongs or ills others had done to me. It wasn’t until I had an argument with a partner that I had a moment of clarity. I was punishing this person because somewhere inside of me was that angry little kid who couldn’t himself. But I’m not that kid anymore, and they aren’t the people that hurt me. What good is being propagated into the universe by constantly holding on to that anger. I knew it came from the fear of being hurt. But that wall didn’t protect me. It kept me apart from others. What I’m saying is that not every psychological experience that has some relationship to a diagnostic criteria is, in fact, that particular thing. It could be, and you have to lean into that uncertainty. But it isn’t definitive.
- Date posted
- 5y
I don’t think it’s really wise to tell people to always lean into uncertainty when it comes to potential diagnoses of another condition that affects lives though? I’m not talking about this from an ocd obsession POV I mean I honestly wonder if I maybe have it because the symptoms are me
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey there girl hang tight. I was recently diagnosed with BPD and the internet makes it seem like those who have someone in their life that has BPD need more support to deal with them... And I think that's absolutely ridiculous. BPD is a very serious mental illness (one of the highest suicide/ self harm rates, if not the highest) and those who have it are made to feel like they're the problem. Anger is a hallmark of BPD, but I too don't have explosive anger towards others. I find I do over-react to very small things internally, but then I get mad at myself for being bothered by things and that state of mind for me is extremely dangerous. If you are confused about your mental health diagnosis I would suggest going to see I psychiatrist. If you are diagnosed with BPD, you are not a monster. Take it from me, you will recover but first you need to ask for help and get the diagnosis. Also remember that who you disclose your diagnoses to is completely up to you! so even if you receive one, nobody but you (and your doctor) have to know. Just know that if anyone finds out and makes assumptions, that's discriminatory on their part and they aren't worth your time or effort. Stay strong and if you need someone to talk to please let me know!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thankyou so much. I’m like you I don’t ever get explosive anger at people but I’m told I overreact and care too much all the time which is true. I can’t let things go but I let them ruin me not other people. I cannnnnnnnot handle abandonment I think all day everyday if I say or do the wrong thing my partner will leave me with no warning and I’ll have to die cuz I can’t do if
- Date posted
- 5y
There's a great video on BPD. I'll see if it's in YouTube
- Date posted
- 5y
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=%23&ved=2ahUKEwjnoKumvfLnAhVMop4KHVcPBj4QwqsBMAB6BAgJEAQ&usg=AOvVaw0VTJzWxrN8ZFOD4xbU2nov it's even got Marsha Linehan herself in it
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Cheers
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
Hello all, I don’t have insurance at the moment (lost eligibility due to me making more money, but not enough to afford medication and visits) and have been struggling a LOT. When I was going to therapy, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder. I never got to expand on other mental health concerns I had and it bothers me that I can’t receive the proper advice that I need. If this is not allowed, I completely understand (and you may delete) but I figured I’d give this app a shot to get some clarification and knowledge on the topic. I experience MANY intrusive thoughts that destabilize my relationships and daily mood. I always pitched it to be my B2D symptoms, but the more I read into OCD or rather, Relationship OCD, I feel connected to others’ experiences. My boyfriend has been cheated on in the past—to such a bad degree, that it can be hard for him to trust me. I have never been cheated on nor have I ever thought cheating was okay, but I experience nearly daily intrusive thoughts that I am a horrible partner. Even worse yet, the intrusive thoughts often include overanalyzing my body language and making myself believe that I am somehow presenting myself in a way that would make men “like” me and therefore convincing my boyfriend that I am or will cheat on him if given the chance. It gets so bad that when my boyfriend questions an interaction I have with a dude, I freeze and become so panicked that I feel as though I am “giving away” that I did something wrong—even though I didn’t do anything at all. I am fiercely loyal to people in my life and could never imagine hurting anyone, so the very thought that I could “potentially” do this gnaws away at my social comfortability and self-confidence. I always feel as though I’m a horrible person and I am constantly trying to “make up” for something I didn’t even do. I’ll cry myself to sleep ruminating on every detail of the moment I had these thoughts or when I spoke to my boyfriend about it. It just haunts my thoughts honestly and makes socializing impossible nearly all the time. Eye contact has been a huge problem for me lately even—as if eye contact seals the deal on me being an “unfaithful” partner. Or laughing! Because if I show any sort of interest in the conversation—no matter how respectful and short it is—I believe it’ll spiral into my boyfriend leaving me (which is completely ridiculous and not true!) It’s almost like imposter syndrome in a way—because I feel as though no amount of reassurance or truth that I am a kind, loyal girlfriend, I will eventually ruin it anyway so I don’t deserve respect or affirmations. And it’s not even just with my boyfriend. Friends I have lost in the past clutter my mind as well. I have constant guilt and regret over potentially being a horrible friend despite how hard I fought/fight to keep that person in my life. Honestly, it gets to a point now where I’m convinced I will mess up any form of relationship I have eventually so I suppress my feelings or thoughts that could potentially upset people or make them question if I am really valuable in their life (often I can feel detached from people while being physically present with them because I get so lost in my head about what-ifs or where to look or if I’m causing someone to feel uncomfortable or that what they are or I’m saying isn’t satisfying the “ideal” friendship) . I let people walk all over me, deal with uncomfortable settings to avoid conflict and struggle to assert myself or have any sense of who I truly am with other people. It has put such a strain on me and my relationships, especially my best friend and my boyfriend and I’s relationships—which hold highest priority in my life at the moment. It can be hard to “let go” of people because it’s just another person who I have failed—including my own family members whom have definitely given reason for me to be not close with them. I also struggle with perfectionism and order during “stressful” situations, to the point where I will put myself into an anxiety episode over the simplest changes, unexpected accidents or things not going to plan. Again, this could very well be a symptom of Bipolar, but it truly causes me to blow situations WAY out of proportion and convince myself that I will never resolve it or make things better unless I can set it exactly how it was supposed to be in my head. The executive dysfunction is real on that one…To some, it could be procrastination. Or even just my cycles rapidly changing. But it affects my outlook on most things—financial matters, relationships, responsibilities, hygiene, cleaning. I can go from having complete confidence in doing something, to being doubtful that I could even get myself to get out of bed because I know I won’t do what I need/want to do. Sometimes I’ll even elaborately plan a course of action the day before and then when the time comes to do it, I lose control of my will to do it due to my intrusive thoughts. I do NOT expect anyone to “diagnose” me and I’m not sway the audience into agreeing with me in any way. I truly only want to hear your experiences, and if you also struggle to differentiate if you’ve been properly diagnosed or have overlapping symptoms that you can relate in some way. I want to better understand OCD and possibly connect with people who have had the same experiences. I appreciate any feedback—as long as it’s beneficial to this discussion and helping anyone else who struggle with the same thoughts—or even struggling to identify yourself or afford treatment! I just am curious, and honestly needed to have a platform to express some deep stuff I haven’t really discussed with anyone else besides my boyfriend. Thank yall for reading/listening regardless!
- Date posted
- 15w
Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help
- Date posted
- 4w
i am new to thinking about OCD - keep that in mind when reading. for a very long time without realizing it i obsessed over what mental health issues i had even though i wanted to stop and i never came across OCD. i think i eventually came to a subconscious decision to stop thinking about mental health issues after a very long time but it came back in an abusive relationship where i am pretty sure they have OCD even more severe than me. i think they misdiagnosed themselves with BPD and they are just very traumatized and have OCD about rejection and many other things but it could be both. they convinced me that i had BPD and i still do not know about that and i want to stop caring about that because my obvious OCD and PTSD are bigger problems. they intentionally hurt me a few times - this was because they convinced themselves that they had DID and everything they did was just another person doing that and i tried to help them resolve their mental health issues. this eventually worked as they now recognize that they did not have did and they are genuinely sorry and genuinely understand how damaging it was for them to hurt me and them have them be the only person that comforts me. it is extremely difficult to get comfort from other people except them and i am obsessed with trying to process emotions from repeated damage they have caused me over a 8 month lifespan. i was trying to say "its okay" to myself or tell myself that they truly didnt mean it afterwards and im attempting to stop that. the thoughts keep popping up. i was taking a long break where i only communicated to them through a mediator (my partner is now being very respectful) and i felt like i was truly healing but a few days ago i thought about if i have ocd or not and it made me realize that i was entirely dependent on them for comfort and i miss that love feeling i want nothing except that love feeling back without the abuse. this made me spiral horribly and i begged the mediator to let me talk to them and then i started talking to them for a few days, regardless of how understanding and kind they were they still made me feel like i need to puke because of how bad i felt for them and how much pain is associated with them. i started actually dissociating a few days ago which they did a lot. things feel blurry just like how they described. i think i needed to do it in order to talk to them for an extended period. i ended up helping them by telling them about ocd even though im tired of helping them through everything and having them rely on me i just wanted to give them the tools to feel good but it made me feel terrible because i always used to help them and then feel bad and it made me throw up after i wanted to take a break. i was healing and talking to them set me back really far - i learned a lot about how they feel about this and i learned a lot about why i do this in the first place but it hurts so much and i cant let myself talk to them again. i keep trying to process my ptsd when the memories come back and constant dissociation is making it harder i hope that ends soon. im worrying that im suppressing my emotions all of the time because they thought that was why they originally thought i was feeling bad and not the trauma. i am trying to seek a psychiatrist and therapy soon but i am reliant on my mom for that and i dont know what to do or if shes going to do something thats good for me. im excited to see the psychiatrist though. im 17. i am at the point now where i just want to stop having the highs and the lows and just be neutral all the time but its so hard to break out of these patterns. its really hard to sleep enough. genuinely any advice for any information i have provided would be appreciated no matter how small
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